The Hero: James Bond; The Bond Girl: Heather Dare; The Villain: Kolya Chernov; Supporting Characters: Ebbie Heritage; Norman Murray, Maxim Smolin; Locations covered: London, Ireland, London, Paris, Hong Kong; First Published: 1987
The grizzly murders of two beautiful young women in London has MI6 in a bind and the authorities on top calling for M’s head. M, in a desperate move asks 007 for help. The job is extremely dangerous, and Bond will not have the precious immunity that he has held in the past. If he gets himself caught, it is his problem and not even the Queen will save him. Hence the title No Deals, Mr. Bond.
The grizzly murders are all connected. Both victims have had their skulls crushed, and their tongues removed. The two girls were part of an operation, called Cream Cake, which Bond assisted with in the first chapter. Cream Cake was to get four “tarts” to be arrainged with four high ranking Russian officials in East Germany. There was also a man who was asked to seduce a high ranking female official.
Bond must move quickly to make sure that Cream Cake doesn’t go sour. He must first save the first agent, Heather Dare, from a GRU assassin that she recognizes. The two then fly off to Ireland, where the second agent, Ebbie Heritage is waiting. She and Heather are still good friends, and must rely on Bond to get them out of harms way. Ebbie is all ready missing, and Bond knows that all isn’t well. Bond hits rock bottom when a KGB mastermind, Colonel Maxim Smolin captures 007, and Heather, Smolin’s former lover.
As it turns out, Smolin is a double and that is working with MI6, and has been for almost 5 years. Smolin tells Bond that Cream Cake has gone terribly wrong and that it isn’t the KGB that is after them, but a newly reformed and recreated SMERSH! It’s leader, Kolya Chernov is on his way, to see the demise of the members of Cream Cake, as well as another man on the list, James Bond.
Bond, Smolin, Ebbie and Heather must escape and they make a daring run for it, with a chopper bound Chernov right after them. They do escape, but Bond, already bitten by a dog, has more damage done to his arm by barb-wire that gets caught around Smolin’s BMW after rolling through a fence.
Bond senses that anyone involved with Cream Cake could be a double crosser, and has been the reason that Bond is so skeptcal about everything, even when he goes to meet the man who is the head of Cream Cake. A man called Swift. Swift is killed within seconds of Bond leaving, with two .38’s and soon, Bond gets a note and tells Bond where he can find Chernov. “Dummbell” Island.
The climax is on the island, and with tons of red herrings, double crosses, mistaken identities, and everything else under the sun. All of this is the best climax in John Gardner’s novels, and is set up perfectly. The action is plentiful and is well written and is among some of Gardner’s best work.
There are too many characters in this novel to be effective, like “The Robinsons” who are in the climax, Richard Han (one of Swift’s men), Jungle Baisley, Bond’s pal in Ireland named Mick and Swift himself. All of these guys are hard to keep track of. No Deals, Mr.Bond is amazing with it’s action, and is very well organized, but the conversations and characters aren’t very well done. Still, do not walk away from this one. It is one of Gardner’s very best.