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Books, Movies

James Bond And Moonraker (Film Novelization)


James Bond And Moonraker (Film Novelization)

The Moonraker novelization was penned by the film`s screenwriter Christopher Wood, and was released to coincide with the movie`s premiere in the summer of 1979.

Having previously written the novelization to 1977`s Spy Who Loved Me, Christopher Wood was once again picked to put Bond`s adventures in book form. In his Spy novelization Christopher tried to follow Ian Fleming`s style of writing; deviating on many occasions from the movie`s plotline and dialogue. When this method of novelizing a Bond film did not sit well with the public, on Wood`s next literary venture, James Bond and Moonraker, he adhered more to the movie`s plot and words.

The novel followed Moonraker`s plot of a madman`s scheme to destroy life on earth and repopulate it with his own breed of the perfect human specimen. Like the movie, the book took 007 from Drax`s estate in California, to Venice, to Brazil, and finally to Drax`s orbiting space station. While faithfully following the film, the novelization did contain some differences:

Drax`s pilot, Corinne Du Four in the film was in the book Trudi Parker; the original name of the character which was changed upon the signing of actress Corinne Clery.

The eerie sequence where Corinne is killed by the Dobermans is only referred to as having happened “offscreen.”

The scene where Bond kills the sniper who was aiming at him during the pheasant hunt is omitted from the book.

In Venice Bond`s gondolier is shot instead of stabbed by the living corpse.

Like in the movie, 007`s gondola turns into a motorboat, and the killers chase him through the canals of Venice;however, instead of the gondola transforming into a hovercraft and entering St Mark`s Square, Bond jumps out of the gondola at the last minute before it crashes into the killers` boat. So the infamous double-taking pigeon is nowhere to be found.

During the space finale, the laser guns are called laser torches. In addition to the laser battle between Drax`s men and the space marines, the novel contains a scene that would have added to Moonraker`s excitement; James Bond ends up outside the space station and is momentarily detached from it. 007 must fight to get back to the station before he is sucked into the void of deep space.

Overall Christopher Wood does an admirable job of novelizing Moonraker; even more then his Spy effort. The novel captures the movie nicely, with only minor instances where scenes or dialogue differ; and the new parts not seen in the final film help to make it all the more enjoyable.

Books

Icebreaker

The Hero: James Bond; The Bond Girls: Paula Vacker, Annie Tudeer, Rivke Ingber; The Villain: Count Von Gloda; Supporting Characters: Kolya Mosolov, “Bad” Brad Tirpitz, Trifon; Finland, London, Libya, Madeira Island; First Published: 1983

Icebreaker. In one word? Fantastic. Icebreaker succeeds on three different levels. First, it`s Gardner`s best Bond novel. Second, it`s one of the best 007 novels, and third, it`s one of the best thrillers I`ve ever read.

Icebreaker is a fast paced, rip roaring, non-stop, unrelenting page turner. It provides the reader with a credible plot (and one that is a current issue, even today), realistic villians, the strongest Bond girls in a Gardner novel, multiple shifts of loyalty, and untapped locations. Let`s start with the plot.

Icebreaker starts off with Bond making a quick change in schedule to drop in on an old dalliance, a Nordic bombshell named Paula Vacker. Bond barely had time to tell Paula that he was in Helsinki. Even Bond did`nt anticipate being in Helsinki until about six hours ago. So, how did two thugs end up waiting in Paula`s apartment for Bond?

Bond doesn`t have time to get into all the specifics of who might`ve figured out he was coming to Finland, or why. Instead, “M” has summoned Bond to London, to recruit 007 to be part of an international team conducting operation “Icebreaker”. Agents of the KGB (Kolya Mosolov), CIA (“Bad” Brad Tirpitz), and the Mossad-Israeli Intelligence (Rivke Ingber) are going to conduct a clandestine trip across the Arctic Circle and through the Finnish-Russian border.

Their mission: document, photograph, and verify that arms shipments coming out of a remote bunker deep in Russian Arctic territory are going to a Neo-Nazi Facist group called the National Socialist Action Army. This group has as it`s goal, nothing less than world wide domination under a Nazi fascist state, with a new Fuhrer, the Count Konrad Von Gloda as it`s leader. It has conducted numerous terrorist acts against civilians around the world. The organization is growing, and it`s armaments are getting more sophisticated and more deadly. If possible, Bond and the Icebreaker team are to destroy the bunker, the outgoing shipment, and the pipeline to the NSAA.

That`s easier said than done. The problem with the Icebreaker team is that no one trusts anyone else. Exactly why would the KGB invite British intelligence onto Soviet soil to watch arms being shipped to terrorist groups? What history might the CIA have with the NSAA that they would like to have their agent, Brad Tirpitz, make sure stays buried? What mysterious past could Rivke Ingber possibly have that could jeaporadize the entire mission?

“If Bond had started by trusting nobody, the feeling had now grown into deep suspicion toward anybody connected with Icebreaker. And that included M, who had also been like a clam when it came to detail.”

In this book, Bond is still Bond, but he`s more of a participant than a protaganist. This may cause some concern for Bond purists, who feel 007 should be the driving force in a Bond novel. I agree. Except in this case. There`s a refreshing change of pace and strategy here with Icebreaker. Gardner takes some of the pressure off maintaining the Bond character, and instead creates wonderful villians, and the strongest Bond girls ever.

Ahhh…yes. The Bond girls. In Icebreaker, there are three Bond girls. But there`s a mysterious twist involved there. These Bond girls kicked Bond`s butt, literally, from Maderia Island all the way to Finland. It may not seem cool. It may not seem macho. It doesn`t matter. It was just plain fun watching these women outsmart, outmanipulate, and generally betray Bond all the way through the book. It keeps Bond more alert and more on his toes than ever.

The locations are also a switch from the normal Bond fare. The Caribbean has always been a staple of the Bond stories, from both Fleming and Gardner. With Icebreaker we get a glimpse into a rarely used location in either the books or the films-Finland.

The action sequences are spectacularly devised and written. There are lot`s of snowmobile chases ,and explosions. Bond is treated to a sadistic twist of ice cold Chinese water torture , and there is a knife fight thrown in as well.

Chaper 20, Destiny, contained one plot twist too many. T he story still holds credibility, but it was just more unneccessary than anything else. Still, Icebreaker is Gardner`s best work, one of the best entries into the 007 series, and one of the best thrillers ever.

Books

Ian Fleming’s Unfinished Short Stories

Incomplete works:

Two short stories (1960s) by Ian Fleming Excerpts were published in the UK edition of John Pearson`s “The Life of Ian Fleming”.

Excerpt 1:
(Written shortly before he died, Fleming never got past the first page and a half. Fleming based the character Zographos on a real-life card dealer with the same name.) …”It was like this, Mr Bond.” Zographos had a precise way of speaking with the thin tips of his lips while his half-hard half-soft Greek eyes measured the reaction of his words on the listener… “The Russians are chess players. They are mathematicians. Cold machines. But they are also mad. The mad ones forsake the chess and the mathematics and become gamblers. Now, Mr Bond.” Zographos laid a hand on Bond`s sleeve and quickly withdrew it because he knew Englishmen, just as he knew the characteristics of every race, every race with money, in the world. “There are two gamblers… the man who lays the odds and the man who accepts them. The bookmaker and the punter. The casino and, if you like” – Mr Zographos`s smile was sly with the “shared secret” and proud with the right word – “The suckers.”

Excerpt 2:
In the early morning, at about 7.30, the stringy whimperings of the piped radio brought visions of a million homes waking up all over Britain… of him, or perhaps her, getting up to make the early morning tea, to put the dog out, to stoke the boiler. And then will this shirt do for another day? The socks, the paints? The Ever-ready, the Gillette shave, the Brylcreem on the hair, the bowler hat or the homburg, the umbrella and the briefcase or the sample case? Then “Dodo”, the family saloon out on the concrete arterial, probably with her driving. The red-brick station, the other husbands, the other wives, the clickety-click of the 8.15 round the curve by the gold course. Hullo Sidney! Hullo Arthur! After you Mr Shacker… and the drab life picking up speed and flicking on up the rails between the conifers and the damp evergreens. Bond switched on his electric blanket and waited for his hot water with a slice of lemon and contemplated the world with horror and disgust.

Book of Golden Words (1964)
Ian Fleming`s notebook of ideas. In February 1964, a Daily Express reporter copied several entries from it. Quoting from Henry Ziegler`s “The Spy Who Came In With The Gold”:

There was a notation of the name “Mr Szasz,” which Fleming thought would be ideal for a villain. He had somehow come across the Bulgar proverb “My Enemy`s Enemy (is my friend),” and if he had lived, it would probably have turned up on the lips of some inscrutable villain. Also in the book was the sentence, “You won`t have a lover if you don`t love,” which was pure Fleming and might have issued as wisdom from some future heroine.

(Note: Many of Fleming`s later titles feature pronouns, i.e. For *YOUR* Eyes Only, The Spy Who Loved *ME*, On *HER* Majesty`s Secret Service, *YOU* Only Live Twice, so it`s possible that “My Enemy`s Enemy was a prospective title.)

For a more detailed explanation, please read the article: My Enemy`s Enemy Is My Friend, by following the link below.

Purple Domesticity
by Ian Fleming (circa 1926) A writer asks a painter to illustrate his book about “style, just style”. The artist throws paint at the canvas from two yards away. Books and Bookies praise the author for “the depth of feeling in the script” and the painter for “the breadth of conception in the illustrations”. The critics go on to say: “Deep, deep, stuff. Broad, broad yet how high, how high.”

Death, On Two Occasions
by Ian Fleming (1927) The sadistic Graf Schlick lives in a big castle and preys on a young virgin. Little does he know that his latest victim has leprosy. The story ends with Schlik in the last stages of the painful disease.

A Poor Man Escapes
by Ian Fleming (1927) A man pawns his belongings after his wife dies. He treats himself to a meal and falls asleep inside the restaurant. A waiter calls the police to have the man removed. When the police arrive, the man drinks poison; the waiter wrongly assumes that the man is once again asleep.

“But Henrik had paid and was rich for the first time in his life.”

Untitled
by Ian Fleming (1928) “Venice station was at its hottest, dustiest, dirtiest. Tony stepped out of the frying pan of his train into its fire. His collar freed itself from his neck in a stream of perspiration.”

Books

Ian Fleming’s State of Excitement (1960)

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Ian Fleming

The Kuwait Oil Company commissioned Fleming to write this short book about Kuwait. However, the Kuwaiti Goverment disapproved of the final manuscript, which they found condescending, and the book was never published, despite repeated overtures to the Kuwaiti Goverment over the years.

The frontispiece to Fleming`s copyof the book reads: This is the only bound copy of a short book I wrote on Kuwait in December 1960. It was a condition of my obtaining facilities to visit Kuwait and write the book that the text should have the approval of the Kuwait Oil Company, whose guest I was.

The Oil Company expressed approval of the book but felt it their duty to submit the typescript to members of the Kuwait Government for their approval. The Sheiks concerned found unpalatable certain mild comments and criticism and particularly the passages referring to the adventurous past of the country which now wishes to be “civilised” in every respect and forget its romantic origins.

Accordingly the book was stillborn.

Books, Movies

Ian Fleming’s Film And Television Treatments

James Gunn – Secret Agent (1956) A 28 page pilot script for Henry Morgenthau III. When the project fell through, Fleming novelized the script as Dr No.

The Diamond Smugglers (1956) Rank bought the film rights to Fleming`s non-fiction book The Diamond Smugglers (1956). Fleming apparently wrote an 18 page outline. At one point duringthe 1960`s, John Boorman (Deliverance, Hope And Glory) was to have directed.

Six Untitled Television Treatments (1958) For CBS. Three of the treatments eventually became stories: Risico, From A View To A Kill, For Your Eyes Only. No word on what became of the three remaining treatments.

James Bond, Secret Agent (a.k.a Latitude 79) (1958-1960) Ten treatments/scripts, with Jack Whittingham and Kevin McClory. What eventually became Thunderball. Fleming adding the Shrublands sequence, when he novelized the story. McClory sued for plagarism when Fleming published the book.

The precautions take with are similar to one another. After a physical examination, one can be sure about the medicine. The exact root cause of PE is still not reaching his desired results he should consider discussing a possible change in dosage with his doctor. is a sure shot remedy for males who find it difficult to sustain it long enough for completing the act on a satisfactory note. The Poppy Is Also A Flower (a.k.a Poppies Are Also Flowers) (a.k.a Danger Grows Wild) (a.k.a The Opium Connection) (1966) Fleming discussed a story about drug smuggling with veteran Bond director Terence Young. The story would show the progress of heroin starting as a flower in Iran`s poppy fields and ending in New York City.

After Fleming died, Young worked with writer Jo Eisinger on the story.

Originally produced as a United Nations project for tv, the film was eventually made into a poorly received all-star extravaganza, starring, amongst others, Trevor Howard, EG Marshall, Marcello Mastroianni, Angie Dickinson, Rita Hawyworth, and Yul Brenner.

Glidrose barred Young from using Fleming`s name in any promotional capacity, though agreed to the credit “The story is based on an idea by Ian Fleming”.

Books

Ian Fleming Introduces Jamaica

Edited by Morris Cargill (1966)
Published by Andre Deutsch

Fleming was to have written it, but was too ill, so duties fell to his friend, Jamaican journalist Morris Cargill. Fleming only wrote the introduction.

Note: There have been rumours that Morris Cargill, and not Ian Fleming, wrote the Bond novel The Man With The Golden Gun. At the time of Fleming`s death, The Golden Gun, as it was then called, was announced to have only been an incomplete outline.

Books

Horror Wears Blue

By: Lin Carter
published 1987, Doubleday

A science-fiction/fantasy novel. The fifth and last novel in the “Zarkon series”.

James Bond meets “Prince Zarkon” at the Cobalt Club in London. S.P.E.C.T.R.E. is briefly mentioned. Other characters include: George Gideon of Scotland
Yard; Sir Denis Nayland Smith and Val Petrie (“Fu Manchu” books); Bulldog Drummond; Doc Savage`s aide Monk Mayfair; and Simon Templar (“The Saint”).

Lin Carter was born in 1930 and died in 1988.

Chapter 7: At the Cobalt Club

In the members` lounge, Nayland Smith led Prince Zarkon to where two men were sitting, chatting idly over cocktails. Both were lean and tan and fit; one had iron-gray hair which did nothing to conceal the twinkle of devilry in his cool eyes, or the reckless grin on his smooth-shaven, buccaneer`s face.

“Prince Zarkon, may I introduce Mr Templar,” said Sir Dennis. They shook hands.

The other individual was younger, with a black comma of hair hanging over one eye. He also rose at the introduction.

“And Commander Bond.”

“A pleasure,” murmured Zarkon. He knew both men by sight, from their pictures, and they instantly recognized him. Bond gestured to a comfortable leather chair.

“Have a seat, Highness. Let me order you a cocktail,” said Bond. Zarkon rarely drank alcohol, and then only on social occasions such as this, so he nodded. A waiter materialized out of thin air at Bond`s shoulder.

“Try one of mine,” suggested Bond. Zarkon shrugged, and Bond said: “Charles, His Highness will have a vodka martini, very dry-”

“Shaken, but not stirred,” added Templar with a chuckle. Bond`s tastes were quite familiar to his friends in the Cobalt Club. Charles vanished, only to reappear seconds later with a perfect martini which Zarkon sipped politely,
then put down.

[…]

“Such as, why are they robbing importers and manufacturers of subminiaturized electronic components?” suggested Templar. “Frankly, that one has *me* baffled. If I had a posse of invulnerable and bulletproof men at
my disposal, it would be the jewelry shops and bullion banks I`d be after, not these electronic fellows.”

Bond chuckled. “Yes, we all know about your early criminous and sometimes burglarious days, Simon.

Fortunately, for the Yard, those days have long since passed by…”

“Miss them, sometimes,” admitted Templar, wistfully.

[…]

Commander Bond also rose.

“I have to be getting along myself, Highness, and my car is outside. May I give you a lift to the Yard?”

“With pleasure,” nodded Prince Zarkon. “Let me instruct my driver to return to our hotel. I`ll only be a minute.”

Zarkon was just leaving the member`s lounge to rejoin Bond on the street, having said good-bye to Nayland Smith, Templar, and Drummond.

[…]

Bond`s car, Zarkon noticed, was a Saab 900 Turbo. Bond caught his glance, and smiled a bit ruefully.

“Used a Mark II Continental Bentley for years,” he confessed. “Superb machine. I finally dispensed with it; the Saab gets better mileage for the fuel intake, and can convert from gasoline to gasohol, if needed. And we`re a fuel-poor country, it seems, these days. Do get in.”

Seated inside the Saab, Bond drew a flat gunmetal case from his breast pocket and offered Zarkon a cigarette, which Zarkon declined. Bond lit his own and inhaled lustily.

“These are made for me by Morelands of Grosvenor Street,” said Bond. “A bit lower in tar content than anything currently available on the market.”

They tooled away from the curb and headed across London.

“I should have thought that you, or another of the double-O agents, would have received this “Blue Men” assignment, Commander,” remarked Zarkon. Bond shrugged.

“As for me, I`m off for Nepal in a couple of hours,” he replied.

“Ah! Not the rumours of an assassination attempt to be made on the Dalai Lama?” inquired the Nemesis of Evil.

Bond gave his passenger a glance of quiet admiration.

“Your intelligence service must be extraordinary,” he said. “Yes, that`s the case. Uncertain as to who`s behind it-”

“Red China?” suggested Zarkon. Bond shrugged.

“Or SPECTRE,” he said.

Then, with an inquiring glance at Zarkon`s expressionless profile, he asked:
“I`m not exactly up on all your cases, Prince. Ever gone up against SPECTRE?”

“Not to my knowledge,” admitted Zarkon quietly. “Or, at least, not yet.”

Bond chuckled.

“That`s rather lucky for SPECTRE,” he said. Then, pulling up with a flourish.

“Here we are at the Yard, sir. Good hunting!”

“Good hunting yourself,” smiled Zarkon.

Books

Holmes Meets 007

The wind was up in Holmes, make no doubt of that. He stood now with his back to me, gazing down into Baker Street. The great detective had been pacing the room for a quarter hour. Now he turned from the window with an exclamation.

“Ha! Exactly as I anticipated.” The aquiline features, so recently strained, were suddenly animated. “Quick, Watson. Our visitors have arrived. Help me get my things while Mrs Hudson is showing them up.”

“Odd carriage that,” I muttered, glancing through the pane as I picked up Holmes` violin from the window seat.

“Come, come, Watson. A carriage? That`s a Bentley, surely. Sawed, chopped, channelled and fitted with a Sardley overhead cutout, unless I miss my guess. I`ve done a little monograph on the Sardley, as a matter of fact.”

“And you have no idea why they want to see us? I asked Holmes.

“Only vaguely,” he replied. “But the real truth is that it is I who want to see them. Particularly one of them.”

While saying this he had clapped his fez on his head. Now, jamming a meerschaum between his teeth and dropping into the big leather chair, Holmes began sawing at his fiddle. His playing always has the same effect on me and so I was as edgy as he had been by the time a knock sounded at our door.

I opened it to face a square, craggy figure of commanding presence. He was perhaps 60 and his hands were thrust into the pockets of a kind of officer`s coat. He pierced me with a flinty glance and, without removing the briar from his mouth, stalked past me into the room.

Behind him a younger man, dark and athletic and done out in flannel of impeccable Savile Row cut, moved with cat`s stealth through the doorway. Behind me Holmes crashed into the coda of one of his beloved concerti. I nodded to the hovering Mrs Hudson to let her know the pair was expected and closed the door.

“Dr Watson, I believe,” said the older of the two, eyeing me and then turning to Holmes who, taking no notice of their arrival, continued his fiddling. “Call me M. This is Mr James Bond and –. I say, can`t you get him to stop that? he asked, waving his pipe in Holmes` direction.

“This won`t do, M,” I heard Bond say in an undertone. “We knew the man was an addict, but a musician too? And look at those clothes. Can this be Holmes?”

Just at that moment my friend laid down his violin, took the pipe from his mouth and cooly rose to greet the visitors.

“Good evening, gentlemen. Sorry you had trouble with the Bentley. Those Sardley devices can be difficult. Actually, of course, there`s a garage just down from where you stalled that specializes in them.” Holmes` little gambit had its intended effect.

“How the devil did you know that?” exclaimed Bond.

“Elementary, my dear naught naught seven,” purred Holmes. “You are late for an appointment that you yourself described as of `supreme importance.” Conclusion? The delay was unavoidable. There`s a smudge of oil on your sleeve, which tells me you`ve been under the bonnet, and I noticed your Sardley was wheezing when you drove up. The spot of earth on your shoe is of a texture peculiar to a stretch of Bromley Road where I noticed yesterday that the gas company was excavating.”

“Damnably clever,” nodded M. “Bond, why don`t you do things like that? Save yourself some of that wear and tear, hmm?”

Holmes allowed himself a small condescending smile while Bond`s face closed again into the impassive mask which I took to be habitual with him.

“Yes, nice trick,” he sniffed. “Somewhat circusy, but neat. Would it have the desired effect on a SMERSH man, though? A touch of the steel, a taste of the Walther, a karate chop. Those are more likely to impress the blighters.”

“I dare say you`re right,” M sighed. “Still it would be pleasant if the office could conduct some of its business on a somewhat quieter, more civilized plane.”

I drew up chairs and was just seating our guests when I felt Bond`s eyes on me. I turned to him questioningly, but he only shook his head in mild irritation — but not before exchanging glances with M. I felt, for some reason, a certain trepidation.

“Watson, why don`t you ask Mrs Hudson to set out tea,” said Holmes.

M raised his hand in protest. “Please. James has already seen to our refreshment. He`s having something sent `round from the club. Should be here directly, wouldn`t you say, James?”

“If Alex can manage the souffle in this cold,” Bond replied. “Can`t rush those things. Then there`s the Vouvray Mousseux to be brought to the proper chill, and –”

“Took James half an hour to order the stuff,” said M, his tone a mixture of pique and grudging admiration. “He does things like that, you know.”

“Curious obsession,” mused Holmes, to whom the food was inconsequent.

Bond stiffened. “it`s not an obsession. It`s simply an amenity. I prefer to dine well, just as I prefer to live in Chelsea instead of in a more — um — prosaic neighborhood. Like Baker Street,” he added, unnecessarily, I thought.

“Now, now, gentlemen,” put in M. “We`ll leave all that for another time. Right now, there`s a more pressing — and delicate — matter I`d like to attend to. James, this is your show.”
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Bond leaned his cruel face forward and stared balefully at Holmes.

“I`ll be blunt then,” he said. “We know all about your habit.”

“My habit?”

“Your habit. You are a user, a junkie. What is it this week, cocaine or morphine?”

I couldn`t suppress a surge of triumph. For years I had told Holmes that his little peculiarity would some day lead him astray. He caught the look on my face and said wryly: “I`ve never made a secret of my — er — habit as you put it. Indeed even were I so inclined, Watson`s constant scribblings about me would have insured disclosure.”

“Watson, you say?” and Bond gave me another of his cold looks, less guarded than before. “DOCTOR Watson. And I suppose he is also your connection?”

Holmes, who is even less familiar with the changing language of the street than I, showed puzzlement.

“Your connection, your source of narcotics supply,” said M in explanation, his eyes now gleaming behind a wreath of pipe smoke. “Why yes,” answered Holmes, “Watson has been good enough to supply my modest needs for stimulants.”

“There!” cried Bond. “Does that satisfy you, M? We have him. I told you the methods of procural matched out TTD report.” In one fluid movement the Walther PPF appeared in Bond`s hand. But instead of turning the weapon on Holmes, Bond levelled the wicked instrument at my own breasts.

“What is the meaning of this?” I demanded. “I am a medical practitioner and responsible for–”

“Come off that now,” said Bond, his voice like a whip. “It has worked too long. You can`t hide behind Holmes any longer.”

“My dear fellow, what are you trying to say?” asked Holmes with a composure that, considering the situation, irked me considerably. He had picked up his violin again and was idly plucking at the strings.

“What I mean,” said Bond, “is that your good Dr Watson is an imposter. We`ve gotten onto him through his worldwide narcotics contacts. Watson,” and he paused for dramatic effect, “is none other than my old antagonist Ernst Stavro Blofeld, master of disguise, fiend incarnate, slayer of my bride and now delivered into my hands.”

He fingered the safety on the Walther and I recalled suddenly the significance of his naught naught classification: authorized to kill. Bond glanced at M and I saw the old seadog return his look with a barely perceptible nod. It was a nasty situation.

But I reckoned without Holmes. In a flash, he brought his precious Stradivarius down on Bond`s gun hand. Violin and pistol exploded together. However, Holmes had deflected the muzzle sufficiently so that the bullet passed harmlessly through the cloth of my trousers — a bare two inches from the spit in my leg that had received the Jezail bullet in `80.

“Damned musician!” Bond growled gripping his injured hand. Holmes meanwhile had leaped to the side table and extracted something from the drawer.

“Quick, Watson, guard the door.” I landed against the portal one step ahead of M, whose face was now a mirror of hate. Holmes was instantly at my side, a hypodermic syringe in his hand. Tearing back the man`s shirt cuff he plunged the needle into M`s arm. The powerful morphine concentrate worked with appalling suddenness and M slid to the carpet.

“Good lord, Holmes,” I exclaimed. “Why him? Get Bond.”

“Nonsense, Watson, naught naught seven is simply an accessory, a fairly ignorant tool. This is our man on the floor. I recognized him as soon as he stepped out of the Bentley. Now if you`ll ring up Lestrade we`ll write finis to the only uncompleted business remaining on my books.”

“Holmes, you don`t mean…?”

“Precisely, Watson, the greatest schemer of all time, the organizer of every deviltry, the controlling brain of the underworld, a brain which might have made or marred the destiny of nations has been ensconced for these years in Special Branch. Our visitor M is none other than our old enemy Professor Moriarty.”

“Amazing, Holmes. You outdo yourself.”

“Elementary, my dear Watson or Blofeld or whatever. Now I believe I shall repair to the study and work up a little monograph on the subject while it is still fresh in mind — and before you manage to romanticize it quite out of credibility.”

Then I noticed the crestfallen figure standing near the window.

“What should we do with Bond?” I asked.

“Bond? Oh, send him back to his little bureaucratic niche, I expect. Really, I couldn`t be less concerned.”

Books

His Word, His Bond

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Reprinted: Spectrum: A Spectator Miscellany (1956, Longmans, Green and Co.)

Books

High Time To Kill

By Raymond Benson

Review by: Ryan Ronholm

Characters:James Bond; Helena Marksbury; Roland Marquis;
Bill Tanner; Dr. Steven Harding; Governor of Bahamas; Dr. Hope Kendell; Lee Ming; Sergeant Chandra; Otto Schrenk; Paul Baack
Le Gerant; Zakir Bedi

Locations covered: Nassau, London (and local areas), Brussels, Delhi, Kathmandu, Morocco, Nepal, Kangchenjunga

James Bond and his seceretary, Helena Marksbury are on vacation in the Bahamas, an idea that James Bond doesn`t agree with. He, of course would rather be in Jamaica at Shamelady (the original name for Goldeneye), and especially away from the house of the former Governor of the Bahamas, the same unnamed man as in Ian Fleming`s short story, `The Quantum of Solace.` The Governor is having a large party. Before it ends though, the Governor is brutally murdered (his throat slashed)
after telling James that he has some how interferred with a criminal group called `The Union`. Bond tracks the killer from the party down into an alley way. Before Bond can capture him, the murderer blows his head off, leaving Bond with no clues.

Fast forward two weeks… James Bond has returned to England and is out golfing with Bill Tanner when he meets up with an old rival from Eton, named Roland Marquis, who with a nerdy and quiet doctor have come out for a round. Marquis and the doctor, Steven Harding, challenge Bond and Tanner to a match, which Bond reluctantly accepts. The four go at it, with Roland and Harding taking 500 pounds of the two service lads. That night, Harding, who is involved with a super top secret project entitled “Skin 17”, highjacks the formula for the skin from it`s base with the help of Roland. The next morning the Secret Service are alerted to the theft and it is decided that the man responsible for finding Dr. Harding and the skin is 007, with whatever help he can get from Roland, who was a special liason in the project.

Bond recieves word that Dr. Harding is in Brussels. After a quick meeting with Major Boothroyd, he gets his Jaguar XK8 and heads out. After a pleasent drive, only miles from Brussles, Bond runs into three motorcyclists who are bent on stopping him. While Bond disposes of them quickly, using many of the toys installedvia Q Branch, he is still worried that there may be a huge leak within the secret service.
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While Bond`s arrival is taking place, we find out that Dr. Harding is a member of The Union and he was paid to steal the formula and devised a plot to get the micro-dot which contains all of the final information to The Union`s seller, the Chinese via a pacemaker. During Bond`s stay in Brussels, he gets slightly involved with the leader of Station B, gets into a fight with a massive ape of a man, meets the doctor who was blackmailed into performing the pacemaker surgery, and finds out that the man was killed outside of the jail. While all of this is happening, the man with the pacemaker, Mr. Lee Ming, is on a plane to Delhi, and Dr. Harding is escaping to Morocco

Bond, with the mission seemingly stalled, heads home to find that someone recognized Lee Ming as a passenger on a flight to Delhi. Ming manages to get into Nepal, only to then be kidnapped . He`s put on a highjacked sightseeing plane, which ends up crashing into the Kangchenjunga, the third largest mountain in the world. Hearing this seemingly good piece of news, “M” plans a massive recovery mission, under the guise of a diplomatic recovery of British and American politicans. Bond is to be teamed with a man who knows the Kangchenjunga, Chandra.

After weeks of climatizing, and people trying to kill Bond and sabotage the mission, they make it to the plane, where everything gets completely out of control. More people die, numerous double and triple crossers are revealed, the micro-dot is recovered and Bond makes it down the mountain.

While the novel is very well done, it doesn`t “digest” the same way that Benson`s two previous novels do. This novel is simply not as strong of a novel as Benson`s two previous forays, It especially pales to “The Facts of Death” and this is due, in part, to the lack of real danger involved. Bond is forced to recover a material that can be used on planes and missles to exceed speeds of Mach 7 but this hardly has immediate dire implications.

In a sense, the novel is slighty more than an updated and revised version of the movie: For Your Eyes Only. Something important goes missing in enemy territory and Bond is forced to go up against someone who the British government trust, but one that he doesn`t. The school rivalry is something that is quite important and interesting. It goes slightly into the past of 007, unlike anything else has before. The locales selected in the novel are very important as well and the way that Benson describes the cities, most noticeably Delhi, Kathmandu and Casablanca are true throwbacks to the writing of Ian Fleming. The people on the streets and the sounds, and even the religious beliefs and the way that they are used in the novel (Like Bond entering the church or mosque after the assassination of Zakir Bedi) add depth to this novel.

Benson`s leading women aren’t too great. His supporting women are though. Reading the parts with Helena Marksbury, and the Station B liason, Gina, have more life and zip to them than the scenes with Dr. Hope Kendell. His supporting men are much better than his women. Paul Baack, Otto Schrenk, Chandra, and Zakir Bedi are well written, and are strong additions to the novel. The time, climate and weather elements are very important to the novel and Benson pulls these off wonderfully.

The creation of “The Union”, Benson`s own “SPECTRE-esque” criminal group seems to have basically lifted itself from Fleming`s classic `Thunderball.` While “The Union” is more realistic and more PC (you have three women now), it isn`t that different from what are the classics. But if you are going to emulate, you might as well emulate the best. While shrouding the leader is something out of the movie series, the idea that the man is blind is quite unique and may easily set up for some interesting novels in the future.

Another thing that Benson likes to do is set the novels up for Generation X who was brought up on the Bond movies of Roger Moore. There is always a “pre-title sequence” that involves humor, destruction and nothing that can connect with any of Bond`s previous adventures. Personally, I would axe them from the novel, or make them more connected to it, like the opening chapters of Dr. No and OHMSS. Fleming rarely had an off the wall chapter (like HTTK does), nor did Gardner (who`s first chapters were usually the best and most complete.). However, if Benson`s next novel, expected to be set in Gibralter with another Union agent builds on the impressive start found here, these novels may lead to many fun adventures with 007. Let`s see in one year`s time.

Books

Goldfinger

The Hero: James Bond; The Bond Girl: Pussy Galore; The Villain: Auric Goldfinger; Supporting Characters: Oddjob, Colonel Smithers, Jill Masterson, Tilly Masterson, Felix Leiter; Locations Covered: London, Miami, New York, Switzerland, Fort Knox; First Published: 1958

Goldfinger is one of the strongest Bond novels when it comes to plot. The basic parts of Goldfinger are set up well. The Bank of England is worried about leaks in the Gold area. They look for an answer, and find Auric Goldfinger. A member of SMERSH, from Riga, Latvia Goldfinger is a jeweler who collects old gold and melts it down for his own purposes, his fascination with gold, and its color. He is one of the world’s wealthiest men, and is almost as nuts as he is rich. His only major vice is that his assistants all end up painted in gold.

The novel starts in Miami, as Bond is ready to head back to London. He is met by an old accquentance, Junius Du Pont(From Casino Royale) who is being cheated at Canasta. The cheater? Auric Goldfinger. Goldfinger has taken $10 000 from the wealthy Du Pont.

Bond tricks Goldfinger into surrendering fifty thousand dollars to Du Pont and leaves Miami with Jill Masterton, one of Auric`s kept women. He returns to England to find that MI6 wants an eye kept on Goldfinger. The man to do it? James Bond.

Immediately following that, Bond and Goldfinger meet in a golf match, where 007 again cheats Goldfinger at his own game. Goldfinger, being a good sport, invites Bond to dinner. There, Bond is treated to a spectacular demonstration from Goldfinger’s henchmen, known as Oddjob! His abilities shown on a railing, mantle piece and wall can be summed up like this:
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‘Oddjob had taken off his coat and placed them neatly on the floor. Now, he rolled up his trouser legs up to the knee and stood back in a wide-planted stance as if a judo expert. He looked as if a charging elephant wouldn’t put him off balance.

“Better stand back, Mr. Bond. This blow snaps a man’s neck like a daffodil.” Bond watched, facinated. Now the slanting eyes in the flat yellow mask were glinting with a fierce intentness. Faced by such a man, one could only go down on one’s knees and wait for death.’

Here Fleming shows Bond’s fear, Goldfinger’s delight and Oddjob’s abilities. All of the Bond Elements are here in full glory. The meeting with M, Colonel Smithers, the Vodka Martinis, Morland Special Cigarettes, and the Aston Martin DB3(This is the first time that Bond doesn`t use his Bentley). Another Bond Element is that he is fighting, either a Russian man, or a SMERSH operative. This is slightly trite, even back then. The scenes between Goldfinger and Bond are very strong. The torture scene isn’t with a laser, but with a saw.

Pussy Galore is the only hood who you can like, mainly because her lesbian undertones are extremely amusing as we all know that Bond is going to get the girl. The plot is the most outrageous one that Ian Fleming ever created but that`s what makes it entertaining!

Books

From Russia, With Love

The Hero: James Bond; The Bond Girl: Tatiana Romanova; The Villain: Red Grant; Supporting Characters: Darko Kerim, Rene Mathis, Rosa Klebb; Locations Covered: London, Turkey, Moscow, The Orient Express; First Publishing: 1956

EVERYONE says that this is Fleming’s best Bond story. Even JFK said that before his assassination. But I do not agree. Fleming still had Dr. No, Goldfinger, Thunderball OHMSS and You Only Live Twice to go and all are worthy to surpass `Russia`. Granted, From Russia With Love is an extremely good Bond story. It’s story is a bit off of it’s rails at times, but that is made up easily by the rich characterizations.

One of From Russia With Love’s best character’s is the sadistic executioner, Red Grant. He is a calm and cool killer, almost exactly as Fleming had envisioned Bond in Casino Royale. He is more convincing than most characters in this story, save for Darko Kerim.

Darko Kerim is probably one of the most lovable characters to ever meet 007. It almost hurts when Darko is found killed. I really enjoyed his character who was full of life and a man who I sort of wished that 007 was. Darko’s life story early on when Bond arrives in Turkey is very entertaining. Kerim’s character is sorely missed.

The plot for `Russia` couldn’t be any more straight forward. Dr. No and Moonraker had almost impossible plots for most of the novel but `Russia` doesn’t stick to that pattern. It is a pleasure to read the planning of 007’s demise.

One weak spot for me was Rosa Klebb, the leader of SMERSH. She didn’t seem to be the major villain that she was written to be. Also, in Doctor No, it would have been great to see how she dies. Unfortunately, I was disappointed that Fleming didn’t elaborate. He just says that she died in British, or French hands. I hope that she died a painful death, maybe like hanging her at the stake for being an opponent of the United Kingdom and killed publicly or something.
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The trip through Turkey was surprisingly interesting. I was impressed with Fleming’s knowledge of the foreign world that Bond was thrust into. What was also surprising was the fact that I really wanted Bond to get the Spektor cipher decoder. It was kind of a slap in the face to the Russians.

Tania is really the picture perfect Bond Girl. She knows when to run, let herself be over come by Bond’s charms and is the perfect lure for 007. Her role in the story is unconvincing. Unfortunately, she has to be there, because without, her, this novel would be a complete and utter mess! If Fleming would have devised a set up where 002 or someone had gotten the decoder to Kerim, and Bond was to retrieve it, and leave out the girl as most short stories do, From Russia With Love would be a rousing smash.

But it isn’t because too many things I find drag it down. Tania’s non-apparent brain, the well written, yet out of place gypsy scene and the fact that the Russians want 007 dead is just to confusing for me, and left me saying, huh? I was also missing Rene Mathis who shows up for less than the last ten or so pages. He was one of my favorite characters from Casino Royale, along with Felix Leiter, and he shouldn’t have shown up at all. Rather disappointing!

Now, there are some great parts of this novel. The real highlight of the novel is when Bond gets on the Orient Express. We can tell that he is in danger, but we don’t know what is going to happen, but we do know that something is going to happen and it does. The book should come with a musical score. We would be instructed to get to a certain track. The track would be strings, raising slowly in pitch until, the climax with Grant in the tunnel.

What surprised me was that Bond didn’t notice that Grant slipped a drug into Tania’s drink. Oh well, who cares. She didn’t mean a thing to me, and Grant should have slipped her some cyanide instead. I probably would have burst out laughing. All of the Bond Elements are here in full glory. Anyways, From Russia With Love was not all that I expected. Hearing and reading that it was the best got me to read it, but I was rather disappointed.

Books

For Your Eyes Only

For Your Eyes Only was first published as a collective book of short stories in 1960. The short story `Quantum of Solace` was first published in Cosmopolitan, while The Hildebrand Rarity was first published in Playboy. Because the review for The Hildrebrand Rarity is so in depth it, along with Risico, has been put on a second page accessible from the bottom of this one.

From A View To A Kill

The Characters: James Bond; The Bond Girl: Mary Anne Russell; Supporting Characters: Colonel Schreiber, Commander Rattray; Location covered: Paris, France.

From A View To A Kill is a fair to middling story by Ian Fleming. It`s not really spectacular, though not particularly boring either. At the outset, a motorcycle courier on one of the backroads around Paris, is en route to deliver classified documents to the NATO organization SHAPE, when his motorcycle is overtaken by another. The courier is murdered on a lonely stretch of highway, and his documentation stolen. Of course this alerts most of the security bureaus in Europe, and since 007 is already in Paris, “M” has obligated Bond to assist in anyway possible in the investigation.

What really stands out in From A View To A Kill is Bond`s view on the French. Or rather, Ian Fleming`s. Example:

“Since 1945, he had not had a happy day in Paris….It was its heart that was gone-pawned to the tourists, pawned to the Russians and Rumanians and Bulgars, pawned to the scum of the world who had gradually taken the town over.”

While waiting on his liason in Paris to introduce herself, 007 continues to think to himself about Paris and fantasize abou t what this girl might look like:

“Even supposing he found the girl in the next hour or so, the contents would certainly not stand up to the wrapping. On closer examination she would turn out to have the heavy , dank, wide-pored skin of the bourgeois French. The blond hair under the rakish velvet beret would be brown at the roots and as coarse as piano wire. The peppermint on the breath would not conceal the midday garlic. The alluring figure would be intricately scaffolded with wire and rubber.

The plot, as briefly mentioned already, isn`t all that exciting . But Bond does some nifty investigative work to solve the crime, when other intelligence departments had given up hope on solving the case.

For Your Eyes Only

The Hero: James Bond; The Bond Girl: Judy Havelock; Von Hammerstein; Gonzalez; Colonel Havelock; Mrs. Havelock, Agatha; Locations covered: Jamaica, Vermont

For Your Eyes Only could also be titled “M”`s revenge. In this story, “M” gets Bond to do a personal favor for him, and wipe out the men who killed two good friends of his, The Havelocks.

The story begins set against the backdrop of political turmoil in the Caribbean, namely the problems caused by the future dictator of Cuba, Fidel Castro. At this point in time, Cuba is rife with ex-Nazi`s and ex-Gestapo agents, who have been doing the bidding of Presidente Batista. One such man is called von Hammerstein, and Hammerstein soon sees the writing on the wall and realizes when Castro gains power over Batista, Hammerstein`s days in Cuba are over. So he sends out a few of his goons to start procuring property around the Caribbean and to start investing his money. One such investment he wants made is a nice house in Jamaica called Content. The only problem is that it`s already owned and the owners refuse to sell. So Gonzales, entrusted to do whatever neccessary to get the property for his boss Hammerstein, guns down the Colonel and his wife in cold blood, leaving the bodies for the Havelocks grown daughter Judy to find.

A month later, Bond is called into M`s office and M explains that he knew the Havelocks, and has determined who their killer was and where he currently is at. Since national security is not at stake, M is troubled by what to do next and Bond senses that.

“Now Bond realized why M was troubled, why he wanted someone else to make the decision. Because these had been friends of M. Because a personal element was involved, M had worked on the case by himself. And now it had come to the point when justice ought to be done and these people brought to the book. But M was thinking, Is this justice, or is it revenge? No judge would take a murder case in which he had personally known the murdered person. M wanted someone else, Bond, to deliver judgement. There were no doubts in Bond`s mind….Hammerstein had operated the law of the jungle on two old defenseless people. Since no other law was available, the law of the jungle should be visited upon Hammerstein.

Bond said, “I would`nt hesitate for a minute, sir…This is a case for rough justice-an eye for an eye.”

M went on looking at Bond. He gave no encouragement, made no comment. Then he slowly reached for the top drawer of his desk on the left hand side, pulled it open, and extracted a thin file…He turned the docket around and pushed it gently across the desk to Bond. The red sans serif letters, still damp, said: FOR YOUR EYES ONLY. Bond said nothing. He nodded and picked up the docket and walked out of the room.

Fleming does a brilliant job of detailing the relationship between Bond and M. The relationship is so well understood between the two, that sometimes words aren`t needed. So, Bond is off to Vermont, via Montreal, Canada, where his papers are rearranged and he picks up a hunting license. Bond`s mission is to penetrate deep into the wooded retreat of von Hammerstein and assasinate him. But Bond isn`t alone on his mission.

In Vermont, as he is slowing and methodically doing surveillance on Hammerstein`s estate, he runs into a beautiful young woman with a crossbow. At first he believes her just to be a deer hunter, but after looking at the name on the hunting license she produces, he realizes who she is and why she`s in Vermont. It`s Judy Havelock and she`s out for revenge. And she`s not going to let Bond get in her way. Even if it means putting an arrow through his leg.

“This is man`s work.”

The girl`s eyes blazed obstinately. She moved her right foot back into the shooting stance. She said through compressed, angry lips, “Keep out of this. It was my mother and father they killed. Not yours.” She pulled the bow half taut. The arrow pointing at Bond`s feet. “Either you do what I say, or you`re going to be sorry. And don`t think I don`t mean it.”

Reluctantly, Bond is forced to join sides with her, and has to wait for Judy to make her move before he can make his. They both succeed in eliminating the wretched von Hammerstein, Gonzales, and a couple of thugs. But Fleming doesn`t leave things at that. He`s not satisfied with good triumphing over evil. Instead, he makes both Bond and Judy suffer through some mental anguish over their actions, despite the fact that they were both justified in what they did. This anguishing gives the characters a human edge and an extra layer of complexity. On the flight from London to Montreal, Bond thinks to himself about how he dreads killing a man in cold blood, even if he did deserve it. Once on the ground, 007 almost seems to try and drink his anguish away, by carrying a flask containing 3/4ths whiskey and one part coffee. Even after Judy killed von Hammerstein, she felt no relief.

“I didn`t- I didn`t know it would be like that”.

Bond pressed her arm reassuringly, “It had to be done. But I told you this sort of thing was man`s work”.

Yes, For Your Eyes Only is one of Flemings best. It combines several different elements to form one powerful story: M`s indecision, 007`s determination for justice, Judy`s thirst for revenge, Bond`s male chauvinism, the bitter after-taste of justice, and the anguish that comes with it. Even today, with For Your Eyes Only closing in on 40 years old, it`s still as potent and powerful as ever.

Quantum of Solace

The Characters: James Bond; Phillip Masters, Rhoda Masters, The Governor

This is primarily a tale of marital problems and how they impact a mission Bond is about to undertake. 007 has come down to Nassau to undertake a very clandestine mission (is their any other kind?). The Governor of Nassau is having a dinner party the night before 007`s mission. Officially, the Governor has no knowledge of why Bond is in Nassau. Unofficially, he knows exactly why Bond is there. But they are not able to speak about 007`s mission in public, so there begins to grow a dullness and a growing sense of boredom in their conversation. Neither one is particulary interested in talking with the other one, until the Governor relates an old tale of a man he once knew, and how his wife had treated him miserably.

This isn`t an incredilby long story. Only about 25 to 30 pages. But it is an engrossing one. I kept wondering exactly what the catch, or point of the story was going to be. It`s actually anti-climactic for Bond in a way, because he realizes that the tale of marital abuse he`s just been told was far more fascinating than his life of fighting injustice. Fleming ends the story like this:

“He (Bond) reflected on the conference he would be having in the morning with the Coast Guard and the FBI in Miami. The prospect, which had previously interested , even excited him, was now edged with boredom and futility.”

Risico
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The Hero: James Bond; The Villain: Kristatos; The Bond Girl: Lisl Baum; Supporting Characters: “M”, Columbo; Locations Covered: Italy, Albania

Risico starts off with Bond on the trail of heroin being smuggled into England. His investigation has taken him to Italy, and put him square into the lap of an informant called Kristatos. Viewers of the 007 movie “For Your Eyes Only” will be able to guess just about everything that happens in this story, because the movie adaption was surprisingly faithful to the story. Read no further if you haven`t yet seen the film.

Bond eventually gets embroiled in a vendetta between old enemies, one of whom is trying to frame the other for crimes he did not commit. Getting a British agent to do his dirty work would just be the icing on the cake. Risico is a nice litte short story, with twists, turns(provided you haven`t seen “For Your Eyes Only”), and some suspense. But there`s not a lot of real character development, nor strong dialogue to be taken from the story.

The Hildebrand Rarity

The Hero: James Bond; The Bond Girl: Liz Krest; The Villain: Milton Krest; Supporting Character(s): Fidele Barbery; Location Covered: Seychelle Islands

The Hildebrand Rarity ranks as one of Ian Fleming`s best works. It`s another tale of domestic abuse and less a true espionage adventure, with 007 being caught in the middle of taking action and staying silent towards the beatings of a long suffering wife named Liz Krest, at the hands of her husband, Milton Krest.

While on a vacation of sorts in The Seychelle Islands, 007 finds himself caught up on a 5 day expedition on board The Wavekrest to find a rarely seen type of fish. A pink and black deadly spined fish called the Hildebrand Rarity, named after the only man who has ever seen one, and because of the rareness of the fish.

Milton Krest is an offensive lout of a man. Rude, arrogant, and obnoxious…he believes anything and everyone comes with a price. He has an opinion, and isn`t afraid to inflict it upon anyone.

“You English make the best butlers and valets in the world. Civil servant you say? I reckon we`re likely to get along fine. Civil servants are just what I like to have around me.”

Milton Krest likes to call his much younger 5th wife “treasure”, though he hardly treats her as such. When she enters the cabin where Krest has introduced himself to Bond and Fidele with little on but a string bikini, Milton wastes no time in laying all the cards out on the table.

“Fellers, this is Mrs. Krest. The fifth Mrs.Krest. And just in case anybody should get any ideas, she loves Mr. Krest. Don`t you, treasure?”

Milton likes to dominate the conversation at all times. Offending people is one way of keeping them off balance, and making sure they have little to say. Milt`s mistaken Bond`s English civility for weakness, and pushes him just a little too far.

“Well, Jim, what say you practice a bit of that civility and servitude on Mrs. Krest. Call her Liz, by the way. Help her fix the canapes and so on for drinks before lunch. She was once a Limey too. You can both swap yarns about Piccadilly Circus and the Dooks you both know. Okay? Move, Fido.”

Liz has had the unfortunate task of apologizing for Milton`s rude behaviour all of her marriage to him. And this time is no different. As soon as she and Bond are alone, she quickly makes amends for Milton.

“Please don`t mind his jokes. It`s just his sense of humor. And he`s a bit contrary. He likes to see if he can rile people. It`s very naughty of him. But it`s really all in fun.”

Bond can tell from Liz`s behavior, body language and tone of voice, that she`s a bit tired of it all, and possibly a little fearful of Krest. Why? Bond finds out later. Krest doesn`t merely insult Bond`s nationality. He insult`s his own wife as well.

“Well, feller. Taking it easy? What have you done with that woman I live with? Left her to do all the work, I guess. Well, and why not? That`s what they`re for, ain`t it?”

Little things tick Krest off. At one point Bond refers to the Wavekrest as “she”, which is common maritime practice. Krest vehemently objects to naming a “hunk of steel and wood a female”.

Bond continues taking a tour of the ship with Milton, when they enter into Milton`s stateroom.

“Bond was looking at something that hung down almost out of sight by the bedside table on what was obviously Mr. Krest`s side of the huge double bed. It was a thin whip about three feet long with a leather thronged handle. It was the tail of the sting ray. He ran a finger down it`s spiny gristle. It hurt his finger even to do that. He said “Where did you pick that up? I was hunting one of these animals this morning.”

“Bahrein. The Arabs use them on their wives.” Mr Krest chuckled easily. “Haven`t had to use more than one stroke at a time on Liz so far. Wonderful results. We call it my `Corrector`.

Bond put the thing back. He looked hard at Mr. Krest and said, “Is that so?”

Later on, over lunch, Krest begins explaining to Bond and Fidele how he was able to write off this multi- million dollar ship as a tax deduction and charge it to the Smithsonian Institute. Liz lets slip a little bit of extra information that she probably should`nt have and Krest goes berserk.

“Treasure, just supposin you keep that flippin` trap shut about my personal affairs. Yes? You know what you just done, treas? You just earned yourself a little meeting with the Corrector this evening. That`s what you`ve gone and done.”

The girl`s hand flew to her mouth. Her eyes were wide. She said in a whisper, “Oh no, Milt. On no, please.”

Bond obviously knew what this date with the Corrector would entail. Later that evening, in his own private thoughts, he debated whether to step in and try and put a stop to Krest`s abuse toward Liz.

Did`nt she realize that a jury would acquit her if the sting ray whip was produced in court? Should Bond tell her that? Don`t be ridiculous! How would he put it? “Oh, Liz, if you want to murder your husband, it`ll be quite all right”. Bond smiled inside his mask. Don`t interfere with other people`s lives. She probably likes it-masochist. But Bond knew that that was too easy an answer. This was a girl who lived in fear.

The days pass on, the rare fish is caught and instead of really truly celebrating, Krest continues to bear down on his guests with rudeness and insults. Now he`s directed his obnoxious behavior toward Fidele Barbery, a local of the Seychelle Islands.

“These islands of yours Fido. When I first looked them up on the map I thought it was just some specks of fly dirt on the page. Even tried to brush them off with the back of my hand. Not much good for anything , are they, Fido? I wonder why an intelligent guy like you doesn`t get out of there? Beachcombing ain`t any kind of life. Though I did hear one of your family had logged over a hundred illegitimate children. Mebbe that`s the attraction, eh, feller?” Mr Krest grinned knowingly.

At this point, Bond has had enough of Krest`s rudeness. He gets up and leaves for the fresh air of the open deck. Liz follows, and Krest accuses Liz of “necking with the underwater help” and takes her downstairs to be punished. It`s now late, and everyone has gone to bed, except Krest, who has gone up on deck to sleep in his hammock. Bond`s sleep is disturbed by a choking and gurgling sound and rushes over to the hammock where Krest had been lying. Krest is dead. Murdered. Someone shoved the spined fish into Krest`s mouth. The fins became erect, tipped with poison, and pierced through Krest`s cheeks and throat, killing him in about 60 seconds.

Bond realizes that this constitutes murder, but in a bizarre twist, Bond throws Krest`s body over the side and into the ocean , thus making himself an accompolice after the fact. The next morning, Bond watches both Liz and Fidele to see any signs of who might`ve killed Krest. By the end of the story, Fleming allows you to more or less pick who you feel killed Milton. There is no definitive answer, though motive would imply Liz.

This has always been one of my favorite stories. The villian`s evil is palpable. Bond is like most people-caught between doing nothing and sticking his nose into the private affair of two people. Liz Krest is a modern day Nicole Brown Simpson, wanting the trappings of a `fairly tale life` but too afraid to leave her abusive husband. The Hildrebrand Rarity doesn`t break new ground as far as espionage thrillers go. But in peeling back the layers of Bond`s psyche, it can`t be beat.

Books, Movies

For Your Eyes Also: John Glen’s Autobiography

I thoroughly enjoyed John Glen’s new autobiography. Glen jumps into the action as fast any Bond thriller on the big screen. His work on eight of the EON Bond flicks takes up the bulk of this fascinating new book.

Within the first few paragraphs the reader is plunged onto the icy mountains of Baffin Island where Glen is preparing second unit duties on his second Bond, 1977’s The Spy Who Loved Me. The incredible teaser stunt, which most Bond fans are familiar with and which is by many considered the best Bond stunt ever, is explored in depth. Bedding down in the icy cold, John Glen writes of Willy Bogner’s legitimate fear at the deadly stunt but bravery in going when needed in one thrilling take from thousands of feet above icy rocks. I learned plenty here, including Glen’s being at risk of freezing himself into a popsicle on location, more than once! You may never view the opener of TSWLM the same way again.

Things were different in the movie industry in recent years, especially in the area of safety for principal personnel, and Glen explains how he risked physical danger or death quite a number of times on his Bonds, between the late 1960’s and late ‘80s. Even Roger Moore assured his safety on one Octopussy shoot working under a moving train by insisting that Glen accompany him on the tracks beneath the moving behemoth-his way of ensuring Glen himself felt the stunt was truly a safe one!

The chapter describing second unit work for On Her Majesty’s Secret Service is impressive and a treat for OHMSS fans overall, including yet one more perspective on how George Lazenby must have felt trying to fill Scotland’s largest shoes. Glen apparently was as much a hero of the film as lead director Peter Hunt, and his was much of the creative genius behind the bobsled fight and ski sequences. DVD fans may seem some of the same extra material covered again in Glen’s book, especially the information on License To Kill, but For My Eyes Only is overall a gritty triumph about a hardworking man who waited 30 years to break into lead directing with For Your Eyes Only.

And in a way I guess it is also testament that too much of anything is not necessarily an inevitable circumstance in the actual aging process. Super P Force is turning into the most well known pill utilized as a part of the porn business, as it permits you to perform for online viagra soft unica-web.com expanded times of time. Kamagra is manufactured in India but it has worldwide market for a number of reasons. Amid erectile brokenness, the penis may not react before and in the middle of sex. A sad footnote is that Glen’s LTK tested higher than any previous Bond film with test audiences, but was demolished between Indiana Jones and The Last Crusade and Batman, to name just two 1989 summer blockbusters. Underscored throughout the book is the essential nature of the director to any Bond film, from Terence Young and Dr. No to Michael Apted and The World Is Not Enough, the director gets huge leeway regarding casting, script development, exotic locations and stunt choices, to name a few.

Glen’s view from the top explores in some detail how Cubby and Barbara Broccoli, Michael Wilson and the screenwriters thought, plotted and risked hunches and millions on the casting and scripting of the greatest film series in history. Lacking is any moving in-depth background on Glen himself, however. Two marriages are treated almost as footnotes in the book. Glen eventually brought his wife on location with him, but apparently spent nearly five decades “late at the office”.

The book and jacket design lean heavily on the James Bond image and EON 007 logo. I found it bizarre that the designer did not clean up the famous image cropped in close up of George Lazenby in front of “Big Ben,” for example, but left “overhangs” atop of the heads of both Lazenby and Dalton on the front cover. My copy also had ink dropped out on certain pages, lightening some of the photo captions almost beyond recognition. The jacket and book design are still pleasing to the eye, however. This book was certainly aimed at the interested 007 fan. Many pleasant stills are included of action, cast and crew. Some never-before seen photos are included among them. Further insights are also given into Cubby Broccoli’s generosity and a humorous foreword is included by Roger Moore, CBE.

–For My Eyes Only is published in hardback and is available now from various sources including Dave Worral’s Collectors’ Club.

Books

For Special Services

The Hero: James Bond; The Bond Girl: Cedar Leiter; The Villain: Marcus Bismaquer; Supporting Characters: Nina Bismaquer, Mike Hazzard, Luxor; Locations Covered: London, New York, Texas (Amarillo), Colorado (NORAD), Washington D.C.; First Published: 1982

For Special Services is John Gardner`s second Bond effort, and only slightly better than his first one, License Renewed.

It starts off with 007 being sent to investigate possible leads into the re-emergence of SPECTRE. A foiled hijacking provides clues that lead Bond to suspect that SPECTRE is alive,well, and ready to rear it`s ugly, vicious head on the world political scene.

007 is joined by his American counterpart, Cedar Leiter, Felix Leiter`s voluptous daughter, and newly recruited CIA operative. Together, they pose as art afficianodoes to sniff out MI6`s chief suspect in the hijacking, Markus Bismaquer.

Many clues lead to Markus Bismaquer as possibly being the new head of SPECTRE, so Bond and Cedar head to New York to act as bait and see whether Markus goes for it. And he does. Bond and Leiter are barely in New York five minutes before they get into a fist/knife fight with some goons sent by Markus. Later, in Washington D.C., Bond and Cedar are trapped in a crashing, careening elevator.

The rest of the story is simple, formulaic, and sometimes boring. There`s the requisite girls that throw themselves at Bond(including Felix`s daughter) and the huge, spacial headquarters/mansino of the main villian. Gardner even throws in a completely pointless action sequence involving a race track derby.

Gardner does throw in a few twists though. Nena, Markus`s wife, only has one breast. Bond, apparently so desperate for sex, and weary of having to turn down Cedar`s propositions, goes for it. Nena has needs herself, since her husband is her husband in name only (he`s got the hots for 007- you figure the rest).

The rest of the story is fairly rote. There seems to be little investigating done by 007 in this novel. It`s mostly a collection of fight scenes and it is indeed action packed. But i`d rather see a novel that takes it`s time to develop it`s characters, flesh out it`s plot, and give us rich detail about the locations. For Special Services, is…well, nothing special.

AFTERWORD

In 1941 Ian Fleming accompanied Admiral Godfrey to the United States for the purpose of establishing relations with the American Secret Service organizations. In New York Fleming met Sir William Stephenson, “the quiet Canadian”, who became a lifelong friend. Stephenson allowed Fleming to take part in a clandestine operation against a Japanese cipher expert who had an office in Rockefeller Center. Fleming later embellished this story and used it in his first James Bond novel, Casino Royale (1953).

Stephenson also introduced Fleming to General William Donovan, who had just been appointed coordinator of information, a post which eventually evolved into the chairmanship of the Office Of Strategic Services and then of the Central Intelligence Agency. At Donovan`s request Fleming wrote a lengthy memorandum describing the structure and functions of a secret service organization. This memorandum later became part of the charter of the OSS and, thus, of the CIA. In appreciation, Donovan presented Fleming with a .38 Police Positive Colt revolver inscribed “For Special Services”.–Joan DelFattore, University of Delaware.

Books

Dr. No

The Hero: James Bond; The Bond Girl: Honey Ryder; The Villain: Dr. Julius No; Supporting Characters: Quarrel, Mary Trueblood; John Strangways; First Published: 1957

After the shocking end of From Russia With Love, Doctor No starts off with Commander John Strangways at the Queens Club in Kingston, Jamaica. He leaves every night at 6:00 p.m. to receive a call from London. While on his way out of the Queen’s Club, he is killed by three Chinese/ Jamaicans.(Fleming, writing in the fifties, was able to use his language,which is amazingly inappropriate today.) The killers go to the Secret Service HQ and kill Trueblood as London begins primary transmissions.

M doesn’t know what to do. CIA has already had someone down there, and nothing has been found. He finds out about Bond’s health and decides that he is the best candidate for the job of locating Strangways and his Secretary. But first, Bond must change weapons from his Beretta .25 to a Walther PPK. He resents that M figures that he must change weapons because 007 was almost killed at the hands of Rosa Klebb.

Bond is sent out and immediately enlists the help of Quarrel, an old pal from Live And Let Die. He soon finds out that his adversary in this case is more dangerous than he thinks. He receives a basket of fruit from “Government House”. Bond searches the fruit with a jeweler’s eye-piece, and finds that there are tiny pin pricks in crevices. Bond immediately sends it away, to find that it is poisoned with enough cyanide to kill a horse. He next finds that a six inch long centipede is in his bed.

Lovemaking is a form of exercise, which is just 30 minutes; and the men’s penis can hold such erection for less than 6 hours and more than 4 hours) or excruciating erection. Read on what the reviewers of such supplements have to, especially on popular seller websites. 3.Expectation boost Have you ever read those spammy mails offering to increase penis size in the wake of expending these pills for some consistent period. Scientists realized that it was in fact, much more potent in fighting other symptoms and purchase viagra check out this website conditions. One sexual problem that has become hurdle in male sexual dysfunction due to use of Winter cherry in the preparation of Tentex Forte tablet owing to antioxidant properties of the acai berry, which assists in repairing and protecting the lower esophagus from the cialis cheap india damage caused by absence of these hormones. Doctor No is well connected with Secretaries at Government House, and many other agents in the city, as well as a photographer with the Gleaner newspaper, named Miss Taro. The only problem is that Dr. No lives on his own small island, called Crab Key. The island is one of the world’s biggest guano producers in the world. He shares the island with a Bird Sanctuary organization.

The Bird organization wants Dr. No to stop selling the guano and let his island be taken over by tourists who want to see the birds. Doctor No will not have any of that and he kills two high ranking members in a plane crash. He also kills the birds with a marsh hopper and buys the island outright. 007 decides the only way to show Dr. No that he will not be taken lightly, Bond and Quarrel sneak aboard the island.

The following is the most exciting and interesting part of Doctor No. Bond and Honey Rider, the main Bond girl, who he found on Dr. No’s beach. Bond is fascinated with Dr.No’s magnificent aquarium, which costs $1 million. Following that, and dinner, Dr. No tells Bond and Honey Rider, his life story. Doctor No’s story is extremely detailed and realistic. But, all of the villain’s fatal flaws is telling Bond that he is going to shoot down U.S. space launches.

After Dr. No’s story, he decides that Bond should be put to the test. A test to see how long it would take for him to die. A well written gauntlet of terror for Bond and the reader, expecting Bond to perish at any moment. He doesn’t and kills Dr. No with dumping a pile of guano on to his head! The rest is pretty lame after the coup de grace of Doctor No.

Books

Diamonds Are Forever

The Hero: James Bond; The Bond Girl: Tiffany Case; The Villain: Jack Spang; Supporting Characters: Shady Tree, Moneypenny, “M”, Felix Leiter, Ernie Cureo, Bill Tanner, Commissioner Vallance; Locations Covered: London, Dakar, New York, Las Vegas; First Published: 1956

Diamonds Are Forever is Ian Fleming`s fourth Bond novel. Following on the heels of the excellent thrillers Casino Royale, Live And Let Die, and Moonraker, it was natural for Ian Fleming to be due for a fall. With Diamonds, that fall takes place.

It`s not a bad book. It`s just not particularly great either. It lacks a lot of the elements that made the first three novels so interesting. First, it lacks any real atmosphere. There seems to be no, for lack of a better word, aura, or feel that you get from the novel. Also, there was a lack of decidedly good villians in this book, and there wasn’t much action until about page 142.

Another problem with `Diamonds` is that the plot isn`t really all that engaging. It concerns itself with England losing 2 million pounds per year in smuggled gems, but that`s about it. No other nefarious purposes are used for the diamonds except to get rich.

On the plus side, Tiffany Case makes for a much better Bond girl, than say Solitaire, from Live and Let Die. Tiffany is intregal to the case, and actually shows up quite often in the book. She gets some excellent dialogue and her interplay and relationship with Bond was very convincing. Tiffany led a rough life, being gang raped by hoods when she was 16. Fleming writes Tiffany pretty well. Her tragic past is her confusing present, as she tends to have a drinking problem to hide all her pain. She`s been in with the wrong crowd since the day she was born, and her vulnerability makes her more endearing to 007.

There`s also the duo of Wint and Kidd, two ruthless killers from Detroit hired to do the Spangled gangs dirty work.

The book has some good and funny moments.

Tiffany on where Bond intends to hide the diamonds he`s about to smuggle:
She changed the subject. “Got a wooden leg? False teeth?”
“No. Everything`s real.”
She frowned. “I keep telling them to find me a man with a wooden leg.”

Tiffany on how ruthless this mob is that Bond`s going into deep cover with:

“If I were you, i`d think a long time before joining our little group.Don`t go and get in wrong with the mob. If you`re planning anything cosy you`d better start taking harp lessons.”

Ernie Cureo on Mr. Spang`s wealth:

“That guy`s so loaded, he don`t wear glasses when he drives. Has the windshields of his Cadillacs ground to his prescription.”

The book also has some rich and deep dialogue between Tiffany and Bond. On the subject of marriage:

Bond: “Most marriages don`t add two people together. They subtract one from the other.”
Tiffany: “But it depends what you want it to add up to. Something human or somthing inhuman. You can`t be complete by yourself.”

The plot is slowgoing, and at times confusing. A lot of material is covered on diamonds and gambling procedures. It`s not really spelled out in laymans terms, so it`s hard to follow. At least for me it was.

There is no real action until about page 142, and then it becomes almost nonstop. Bond gets into a carchase, a fist fight, is tortured with football cleats, lights a fire, derails a train, swings over the side of a cruise ship and blows a helicopter out of the sky. The chapter “Night falls in the passion pit” is really when the book begins to hit it`s stride. Unfortunately, that`s about two thirds of the way in. Fleming wrote Tiffany so well, he had me scared that he was going to kill her off by the end of the book. It`s interesting though, in that if you know a little about the book series already, you get the feeling that Tiffany foreshadowed a much greater tragedy to occur in Bond`s life down the road.

Books

Death Is Forever

The Hero: James Bond; The Bond Girl: Easy St.John; The Villain: The Poison Dwarf; Supporting Characters: Harry Spraker, Monika Haardt, Praxi Simeon (Sulphur), August Wimper (Orphan); Axel Ritter; Locations covered: Frankfurt, Berlin, Paris, Venice, Calais, London; First Published: 1992

The deaths of two members of a spy group called Cabal has sent shockwaves through many of the services. The one that wants to find out the most about is the British Secret Service, MI6. They figure that the only man who can figure out what happened is Captain James Bond.

That is in a nutshell what happens in the opening of Death is Forever, the 1992 James Bond novel from John Gardner, one of the most explosive Bond adventures ever. It is probably one of Gardner`s best.

Anyways, to continue, CIA has also felt the pinch, and has sent over Elizabeth St. John to help 007 where ever she can. The two are assigned to Frankfurt, where the murders occured. In the scene with M, there is a small throw back to The Man With The Golden Gun.

M: “Russians haven`t used the cyanide gun in decades.”

Bond: “Yes, Sir. I distinctly remember one failed attempt.”

Once in Germany, Bond is paired a man named Axel Ritter who is posing as a Cabal agent named Harry Spraker. Bond, Axel and Easy get out of Germany, by train where Weisen has set a team to eliminate the two. Bond foils their plan, kills the two and exposes Axel.

Bond and Easy get to Paris, where they are picked up by a fake team of Cabal agents, pretending to be Praxi and the real Harry. Bond knowing better eludes them for enough time to make a call to Cabal, and get a hold of the two real ones. Bond and Easy are captured, but soon rescued from the fake spies who work for the villian, a former spy himself, Wolfgang Weisen. Weisen is also known by his nickname of The Poison Dwarf.

Bond is introduced to the group, which includes a spy known only as Bruin and the real Harry, nicknamed Tester. But, before he can improve his knowledge about what is going on, 007 runs i nto a small problem. He has to meet Weisen.

He meets Weisen in his home in Paris, but he breaks himself out, with the help of Cabal. When Bond escapes, he knows that Weisen is going to Venice, to finalise the plan that I will spill later. 007 then meets the supposed leak in Cabal, August Wimper, another spy known by the cipher of Orphan. James meets him and is told who is the real leak, Harry Spraker! Bond believes him, and helps him clear his name. But, by doing that, the rest of Cabal is captured by Weisen and the two are forced to break them out.

The two break in, get captured and have to break themselves out. By doing so, though, Bond gets Easy killed, by one of Weisen`s guards. He goes berzerk and kills the two guards as well as Harry, and goes after Weisen. He drugs him, and as they group is getting away, they are ambushed by more of Weisen`s men, who abduct him again, back to the right side, and kill eveyone except Bond and Praxi.

Bond, finally figures out that Weisen has a brilliant plan. He wants to destroy the Eurotunnel between Britain and France, killing political figures that are on the trip. Bond is the only one to stop them, and he is able to stop the train in time, but Weisen is determind to suceed, and he is able to blow up one of the tunnels, and in a fit of greed, Bond is able to electricute the Poison Dwarf.

Well, the novel doesn`t end here, but the very end is too suprising to spoil, but lets just say that the final pages are really close to From Russia With Love.

Amazingly, at least to me, is that John Gardner was really starting to take a hold of the James Bond character and craft it into his own type of character, and began a different take on the character.

Anyways, Death is Forever suprised me in many ways. First off, it has pretty much non-stop action, violence, death, destruction, and sex around every turn. But, who can forget, we are reading John Gardner, so we have the obligatory double crossers, and even a triple crosser. You get ten, fifteen pages of violence, followed up by ten pages of conversation, which will unmask a double, a scene where one of the ladies would like to become Bond`s `entertainment` for the evening, and so on. It is a little redundant, at first.

Luckily, about half way through, all of that stops, and we get down to business, with virtually non-stop action and violence all the way through. The novel is probably the fast moving that I have read from Gardner. It is also one of the best ones that he wrote. Don`t pass this one up, it is one of the best.

The only problem, seems to be those common to Gardner novels, that include too many characters, too many double crosses and triple crosses. Butm these aren`t enough to lower the rating. Grade: A-

Books

Daniel George`s Untitled Parody

Unpublished.

Quoting from Andrew Lycett`s book “Ian Fleming: The Man Behind The Mask”, Daniel George, the fiction reader at [Jonathan] Cape [Fleming`s UK publisher], who worked closely with William Plomer in preparing Bond for the reading public, produced the world`s first 007 parody.

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Eventually Bond has to be rescued by “a lank, lean, hard-bitten figure”, who comes crashing through the undergrowth with a profile like an Antonine emperor. “In his long prehensile arms he gathered Bond as tenderly as ever mother gathered babe, and plunged again into the jungle. `Thanks, Ian,` said Bond laconically. `Don`t go too fast for Topazia.” When at length, over their ammoniated stengahs, Bond recounted his adventures, Ian smiled wryly. `It`s no good, I`m afraid,” he said. `Cape`s would never stand for it.`”

Books

Colonel Sun


Colonel Sun

The Hero: James Bond; The Villain: Colonel Sun Liang-tan; The Bond Girl: Ariadne Alexandrou; Supporting Characters: “M”, Bill Tanner, Niko Litsas, Major Piotr Gordienko, Von Richter, Evgeny Ryumin, DeGraff, Dr. Lohmann, Doni Madan, Luisi Tartini; Locations covered: London, Athens, Vrakonisi Island; First Published: 1968

Four years after the death of Ian Fleming, Kingsley Amis, author of The James Bond Dossier, was asked to try and continue the legacy of 007. Under the penname Robert Markham, Amis produced the unique Bond adventure Colonel Sun.

The story starts off one year after the events chronicled in The Man With the Golden Gun. The Bond we see here has spent his time trying to recover from his earlier adventures, but has the sense that he is slowing down, that he has lost the edge. While playing golf with his good friend Bill Tanner, Bond questions his easy lifestyle. We see a Bond who doubts himself, who doesn`t feel up to the challenge that his 007 status dictates. This is a very different Bond than that of Fleming`s writings. Later on, Bond is tailed by a car on his way to see M. Markham`s Bond shows a dulling of his sixth sense:

“Although he had been under close surveillance for over six weeks, Bond had noticed nothing out of the ordinary. When not on an assignment abroad, a secret agent does not expect to be watched.”

The Bond of Ian Fleming would. Old enemies like SPECTRE and SMERSH never limit themselves to missions abroad, and Bond would have been incredibly alert, no matter where he was.

Bond arrives at Quarterdeck – M`s home – to find M under heavy sedation and held hostage by a nameless group of thugs. Bond is able to escape, though he passes out in the nearby woods due to an injection that the thugs give him. When he comes to, M is missing, M`s staff is murdered, and one of the thugs Bond grappled with has been shot in the face. On his body, Bond finds a subtle clue that points to Athens, Greece. Everyone knows that it`s a trap, a planted clue that is meant to lure 007 to the chase. Bond, however, has no choice but to go.

In Athens, he is picked up by the beautiful Ariadne Alexandrou, whom Bond suspects to be part of the plot. However, her contacts are unfamiliar to her, and she and Bond fight together to escape. It turns out she works for the Soviet Union and reports to Major Gordienko. A Soviet summit conference is coming up, and Gordienko is in charge of security. He is suspicious of Bond`s presence in Greece at the same time as the summit, but both sides figure out that they are working against a common unknown enemy.

The plot becomes even more interesting when Colonel-General Igor of the KGB also finds out that Bond is in Greece. His desire is to forever be remembered as the “man who killed James Bond”. He ends up contributing to the mayhem instead of being able to stop the real foe.

That real foe is Colonel Sun Liang-tan of the People`s Liberation Army of China. He is a master at the arts of torture. His plan is to lure Bond to his hideout on Vrakonisi Island – the same island where the summit meeting is to take place – torture Bond to the point of death purely for his own investigative studies, blow up the meeting, and frame Bond and M, whose bodies would be found amidst the rubble, along with some very incriminating evidence.

Bond ends up playing right into Sun`s hands. Gordienko and his staff are all gunned down, leaving Bond, Ariadne, and Ariadne`s longtime friend Niko Litsas to rescue M. From a gunfight at sea with Sun`s thugs to a boat exchange that causes an innocent man and his son to be ruthlessly murdered, the action in this story is definitely present. In the end, though, Bond and his colleagues are all captured by Sun. It seems as if there is no escape possible for Bond. Markham does a wonderful job of bringing the reader to the last final shreds of dispair; then dumping the most descriptive torture scene I`ve ever read in a Bond story right on top!

The story, overall, is a very well-written and entertaining adventure of espionage; yet throughout the book, I found myself reflecting upon the adventure as more of a Magnum P.I. story rather than a Bond one. Markham is a very detailed and descriptive writer, which unfortunately slows down the plot between the action sequences in a way that no Fleming book ever did. In addition, we never lose sight of the Bond who has doubts about his abilities, a Bond who simply is not in control of his being. With this sense about him, he almost has no choice but to become the pawn in Sun`s game. We know Bond won`t die in the end, but he has no ability whatsoever to save himself. He must rely on a surprisingly secret ally to save the day.

Markham`s Bond doesn`t even have the characteristic Bond-isms about him that Fleming readers have come to expect. Never once does Bond order a martini; in fact, although everybody still seems to know his favorite drink, that drink is whiskey rather than the martini. In addition, Markham presents no Bond gadgets, no technical surprises that typically help the flair and sophistication of a Bond adventure. In the 1993 reprinting of the story, Amis makes note of this side of his Bond in his introductory remarks:

“But the James Bond of Dr. No or Goldfinger would have needed far more in the way of technical expertise than I could supply. . . . No hovercraft, no helicopters, no rockets, and no double portions of Beluga caviare served in candlelit restaurants by white-jacketed waiters. He finds no use for the picklock and baby transmitter and the rest of the gadgets supplied by Q Branch on his departure.”

Thus, what we end up with is a James Bond story that doesn`t at all read like a James Bond story. The story is good, to be sure, but dedicated fans can spot the differences in a second. I have heard that the novel was not well received as a result, though I must confess I wasn`t old enough to have been concerned at the time. I did actually enjoy it, and as different as it is, I feel it is a must for any Bond story collector.

Ironically enough, Markham shows an incredible amount of insight into world politics at the end of the story. A Mr. Yermolov of the Soviet Union thanks Bond for a job well done, and in doing so, leaves us with this little piece of prophecy:

“`I`d like you to know that what you`ve done is extremely important. It`s helped to show my bosses, not just who our real enemy is – we know much more about Chinese ambitions than your observers do – but who our future friends are. England. America. The West in general.`”

In 1968, these words were written. In 1989, the Berlin Wall came down. Not a bad bit of prophecy, wouldn`t you say?

Books

cold (Coldfall)

First Published: 1996 The Hero: James Bond; The Bond Girls: Beatrice Maria da Ricci, Toni Nicoletti; The Villain: Brutus Clay; Locations Covered: Washington D.C., Italy, Idaho, Geneva, England; First Published: 1996

*Known as COLD in U.K. editions.

This was John Gardner`s last Bond novel and probably his best. It`s sloppy and isn`t as sturdy as his first three, but it`s sprightly and the best writing is unusually taut. There are many human moments and a curious sense of finality (Gardner probably knew from the outset that this would be his last).

The book`s structure is unusual. Slightly more than the first half is set in 1990, the rest in 1994 (the UK edition inexplicably omits the years). Women from Bond`s past flit in and out of the story in an effective “dance to the music of time”: Sukie Tempesta (“Nobody Lives Forever”), Freddie von Grusse (“Never Send Flowers”, “SeaFire”) and Beatrice Maria da Ricci (“Win, Lose or Die”).

The book has a whirlwind pace – it has more zip and zest than his previous Bond novels, though it rushes from one highlight to the next without regard to proper story construction.

A plane explodes on arrival at Dulles airport, yet there are too many people on the inaugural flight for it to be credible. Miss Moneypenny loses a friend; Sukie Tempesta is supposed to be on the flight. Two FBI agents are supposed to extradite a member of the mob. Worse, in Chapter 16 we learn that a British agent, blackmailing COLD, was also on that flight, an unbelievable plot convenience.

(Gardner also outsmarts himself. There`s no reason why Bond should think that Sukie wasn`t killed on the flight, but the illogic is easily glossed over and plays better than expected.)

M is kidnapped in Chapter 9 – it`s not spoiler information to reveal this; instead, it softens such incongruous plotting, otherwise those who remember and admire “Colonel Sun” might give up on the book. (The US edition briefly refers to “Colonel Sun”, but not the British edition. Why?) Chapter 17 has everybody rushing in to save Bond and it`s sloppy – the plotting is also muffled.

Chapter 14, “Interlude”, ties up some loose ends before the story jumps forward to 1994, but it`s almost too rushed, especially in the UK edition: an important scene between M and Bond is cut.

The action sequences are exciting and similar to what the Bond films offer. Chapter 9 has a great water-ski chase, and Chapters 12 and 13 feature a great helicopter chase through mountainous terrain – Gardner opens Chapter 13 with a dry, Fleming-like explanation about the loss of power in a fixed wing aircraft: it`s excellent writing.

There are details and passages that, astonishingly, *do* sound like Ian Fleming: In Chapter 8, in spite of Bond`s attempts to amuse the women with stories of life in England, and suitable jokes, the dinner drags. In Chapter 11, Bond reflects on the Swiss-like aspects of Washington State, contemplates retiring there, but decides that it would eventually pall (recalling “The Man With The Golden Gun”) because he`s essentially a European – the entire paragraph is great. In Chapter 18, Bond says that he`d still like to see Americans play a part in world affairs, even if they do it badly – a nice jab at them. M`s subsequent comments about Zurich, Berne and Geneva are pure Fleming.

Details about COLD (“The Children Of The Last Days” – a militia-like organization led by General Brutus Clay) in Chapter 6 are nice, i.e. the “church” flashback, the explanation of COLD`s motives and associations.

The Italian locations (Chapters 7 through 9, and 21 through 25) have much flavour. Elsewhere, the American west is well presented – it`s surprising that Gardner only developed a feel for location so late in the series.

It`s also Gardner`s darkest Bond novel. Chapter 4 is one of the best in the book, and is unusually restrained for Gardner (the police interview Bond after a friend of his is killed). Except for a silly bit about Bond not wanting to be called “Jim”, the writing is taut.

There are other great details. Chapter 3`s last sentence is excellent writing and heartfelt: Bond catches a glimpse of snow starting to fall after he hears tragic news. In Chapter 4 Bond examines a blackened piece of metal, the letter “T” entwined with an “S”. Bond asks the cops if he can reach into his pocket without them getting trigger happy. At the end of that passage Bond asks, “Why don`t we all go back and I`ll buy the coffee.” Even a throwaway bit, Bond saying that he`s beginning to feel chilly, is appropriate and lifelike.

There are other dark moments: Toni`s death (Chapter 16) is only referred to in a matter-of-fact manner, but the passage of time – it`s been a year since her death – makes it more powerful. Likewise, in Chapters 13 and 14, another female character`s death is discussed, and it`s also restrained and heartfelt.

Chapters 23 through 26 have many excellent passages. The last chapter is unusually powerful. M resigns and asks, “The question is did I fall or was I pushed?” then changes the subject. Is Gardner commenting on his own situation? The last paragraphs have much feeling, even a throwaway bit like, “A shade chilly for this time of the year,” Bond said, but neither man answered. Their job was to bring him in for a dressing-down from the new boss.” (The subsequent Churchill quote is nice and has much feeling.)

Gardner was usually terrible writing about women, but Sukie is well-drawn. She`s goofy and charming precisely because she`s not the typical parody of how Gardner sees women. (She has a nice moment early on in Chapter 2, she says: “To hear is to obey, O master.” which is cute.)

Beatrice is also one of Gardner`s stronger women; in Chapter 22 she defends Bond against a woman who labels him a sexist “who leaves the ladies feeling lonely and used.” In Chapter 18, Beatrice`s “small voice” is a sensitive detail. In Chapter 17, Bond wonders why he didn`t fight harder to keep Beatrice when they first met in 1989, and asks what kept her away – both this and her answer are sincere.

In Chapter 22 we learn that a character whom Bond trusted, even cared for, is a villain, and unlike Gardner`s other Bond novels where this twist is silly, here it`s inevitable, and surprisingly sad; sad because it`s true to life. (The writing in the revelation scene is excellent.) The character is off-kilter to begin with and Gardner properly sets up her child-like qualities. He writes about “The sly child stirring deep in her eyes.” (Chapter 22) which is excellent writing – no rhetoric whatsoever and effective for that reason. “It was you, wasn`t it, James? It was you who shot my lovely General Brutus Clay out of the skies?” – this is vivid writing. The character`s explanation how she faked her own death is brilliant, and psychologically clever – an Ian Fleming trademark. She became friendly with a girl, who worked as a chambermaid on the floor where her room was situated. “I could see that she`d be easy. She had that look. You know, the look that says “Why should she have it all? Why has she got money? Why can`t I get a better job and make more than they pay me here?”. There are other excellent details atypical of Gardner: how the maid is cajoled into the plan; the maid asking when can she leave, management not being pleased, how the Dulles plane was destroyed.

Other brilliant moments deserve noting (Chapter 22):

“She gave a vulpine grin. “Well, there was that, of course, but you see, we wanted to bankrupt Bradbury, and we did. What happened to him by the way? You never hear anything about Harley Bradbury these days.”

“He`s making a come-back, actually. Some people are like that, they drop to rock bottom and then claw their way back.”
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“Good for old Harley.”

People talk this way in real life. It also shades the female character – she`s more human and repellant for it. It also enhances the tense revelation scene.

In Chapter 15, Bond recognizes the handwriting of a young woman that he`s been attempting to avoid for some time now – a lovely detail. In Chapter 18, Beatrice removes listening devices from the room, crushes them under her foot then flushes them down the toilet. She speaks quietly, but clearly into a device to the listeners.

In Chapter 23, Beatrice says that Bond`s blue boxers go well with his eyes, which makes him feel uncomfortable. She also repeatedly asks if her hat goes well with her suit. Normally this would flounder in a Gardner Bond novel, but it works here.

Gardner was too often glib, and there are silly moments that should have been cut, but there is some wonderful humour. In Chapter 8, Bond meets Guilliana Tempesta: “Oh, what a large mouth you have. All the better to eat you with.” Several pages later, she ravages him: “He [Bond] struggled for a moment, then thought, “Well, I`d better lie back and think of England.” In Chapter 2, “She [Sukie] cocked one eyebrow. “I think one of their wives was in bed with him.” The sly look once more. “Literally?” “Is there any other way?” The passage also shows just how well Gardner draws Sukie. In Chapter 23, Beatrice gets groped more than patted down.

Roberto, one of the Tempestas` men is well drawn and human. He only appears in Chapters 23 and 25 but his scenes are lively and he gives the book a boost. There are nice details: Roberto`s dialogue, Bond trying to get him drunk. Roberto`s reasons for changing sides are believable, and at the end, Bond wonders if Eddie Rhabb can use Roberto back in the United States – a nice human moment.

There are badly written passages, though. Gardner often writes “a couple of” when he means “several”. In Chapter 2, Bond hopes (in the US edition, he “prays”) that death was quick for all the people killed on the flight when a fireball ripped through the cabin. Duh. From Chapter 5, “Prime cracked ANOTHER of her RARE smiles.” (capitals mine) even though Bond has just met her. Better to have written, “Prime smiled again, something she did infrequently” which is more Fleming-like. From Chapter 7, “almost a shock” is like being partly pregnant; Gardner should have struck the entire sentence and gotten to the point. He also writes that Luigi`s “disconcerting eyes appeared to alter again, this time becoming like dangerous grey lava.” A maladroit attempt at Fleming`s “glint of red” – Gardner doesn`t even have it in his blood. In Chapter 13 he writes, “She wore a name badge which said Patti”. Why not just write, “Her name badge said “Patti.” Chapter 15 begins very badly – it picks up where “SeaFire” ended, and seems jinxed by that book (i.e. “her face broken and battered” which is dreadful writing) – it`s one of the worst written chapters. The scenes with Doctor Sanusi (Chapters 15, 16, 26) are terrible. In Chapter 23, Luigi tells Beatrice that “you`ve probably already realized, Ms da Ricci, that your new room is escape-proof. You cannot have failed to notice the bars on the windows, and the fact that the door is made of steel.” Beatrice must be stupid, because it should have told her something. It`s also terribly written. Just cut to the point. In Chapter 25, Bond freezes in shock. What else would he freeze in? The Tempesta Brothers stare with utter hatred at Bond. This is verbose, though the American edition cuts “utter”. Why not just write, “glared at”?

He also gets Fleming details wrong. In Chapter 13, Bond remembers a girl covered from head to toe in gold paint, but I don`t believe that he saw this in the book, just the film. Bond didn`t see the bullets ripping into Tracy in the book “On Her Majesty`s Secret Service” either. (How did Glidrose let these errors through?)

The British and American editions have curious differences:

In the US edition (Chapter 14), M mentions the code name “Tiny Dancer”, which sets up a plot twist later on, and discuss Elton John`s music. “I had a sense that whoever this Tiny Dancer was… Well, I had a sense that he, she or it was there…” “In the house?” “Either in the house or close by. Maybe a woman. Caught a whiff of scent, but I suppose that could have been aftershave.”* This is inexplicably cut from the UK edition. Why?

One indecent joke is cut from the American edition (Chapter 10):

*”And hello to you, Toni.”
Twenty minutes later he asked, “Do you come here often?”
“Not as often as I`d like.”
“Then you must visit me in London.”
“She snuggled close and made him promise to come back safely from Idaho.”

This nice throwaway moment appears in only the US edition (Chapter 21):

“Knew a nurse called Betts once,” said Bond apropos of nothing in particular.
“Good for you, James.” Eddie was slowly catching on: even passing him.”

There are nice observations in Chapter 11 comparing Bond`s relationships to ships passing in the night – this passage has feeling, but unfortunately it`s truncated in the US edition:

“On occasions – like the short time he had spent with Sukie at Dulles International – they would meet again, slake their mutual thirsts, and exchange whatever wisdom they had learned in the period spent apart. His whole life seemed to have been filled with a memory of women: sometimes a wilderness of them.”

The entire passage is heartfelt (why couldn`t Gardner always write this well?), though the US edition thankfully cuts “He saw tears start in her eyes, and wondered at his act of sentiment” after Bond quotes from “The Song of Solomon”.

The US edition also cuts (Chapter 24) the following:

Clay says that his hostages may well come in very useful and his audience applauds, Bond whispers [sic], “Author! Author!”.

Bond aficionados might want to compare both versions as it`s one of the better Bond novels.

Books

Casino Royale: Novel


Casino Royale: Novel

The Hero: James Bond; The Bond Girl: Vesper Lynd; The Villain: Le Chiffre; Supporting Characters: Felix Leither, Mathis, “M”, Moneypenny; Locations covered: Royale-les-Eaux, France.

Casino Royale was the first 007 novel ever written by Fleming, but after reading the book, you get the feeling you`ve known the character for such a long time. Bond is definitely a creature of habit, and Fleming breeds a familiarity between character and reader very quickly.

Casino Royale starts off with “M” having received some intelligence that a French SMERSH operative, named Le Chiffre, is almost bankrupt. That information is particularly important to British intelligence for several reasons: one is that the Communist Le Chiffre and SMERSH are believed to be responsible for the deaths of British agents Donovan, Harthrop-Vane, Elizabeth Dumont, Ventnor, Mace, and Savarin. Two, it`s come to the attention of the Secret Service that Le Chiffre took funds given to him by his superiors at SMERSH, and embezzeled it, in order to invest in brothels that eventually went out of business. Now, Le Chiffre is in trouble. He`s 50 million francs in debt, and SMERSH will realize that he stole the money soon. Knowing what an exacting and ruthless organization he works for, Le Chiffre plans to do some high gambling at the casino in Royale-les-eaux to make up the shortfall.

The proposed counter operation:

“It would be greatly in the interests of this country and of the other nations of the North American Treaty Organization that this powerful Soviet agent should be ridiculed and destroyed, that his communist trade union should be bankrupted and brought into disrepute. (Assasination is pointless. Leningrad would quickly cover up his defalcations and make him into a martyr.) We therefore recommend that the finest gambler available to the Service should be given the necessary funds and endeavour to outgamble this man.”

Bond is, of course, assigned to the case, and his mission is to outgamble Le Chiffre, in hopes that SMERSH will get wise to Le Chiffre`s scams, and take care of one of their own.

In Royale-les-eaux, Bond meets his contact Mathis and a girl who will be his “companion” for the duration of his stay, Miss Vesper Lynd. Of course Bond would need a beautiful woman on his arm at the casinos. It would be unseemly for a man with his looks and charm to be without a companion. Also joining in the action is CIA agent Felix Leiter. The Americans are also interested in helping bring down Le Chiffre, and through Felix, have offered any support they can give.

About a fourth of the book takes place at the gambling tables of Casino Royale-les-eaux, yet Fleming doesn`t bore us. Each page is packed with tension, fear, anxiety, nerves and sweat. Bond must bankrupt Le Chiffre in order to accomplish his mission, yet 007 realizes that gambling is also one part luck, and he`s going to have to know when to rely on luck, and when to play conservatively.

Of course, 007 eventually wins the game. But it doesn`t come easy, nor without a price. Vesper ends up being kidnapped, which infuriates Bond, because up to this point, the mission was accomplished. Nothing else should`ve gone wrong.

“This was just what he had been afraid of. These blithering women who thought they could do a man`s work. Why could`nt they stay at home and mind their pots and pans and stick to their frocks and gossip and leave men`s work to men?”

Chapter 16, “The Crawling Of the Skin”, is a harsh and brutal glimpse into the use of torture by Le Chiffre to get Bond to divulge where he hid the money that he ended up winning from Le Chiffre. Without that 50 million francs, Le Chiffre is as good as dead.

Bond manages to get out of this as well, though the physical price paid is steep and severe. Vesper Lynd stays with James after the mission has been accomplished, to help nurse him back to health, so to speak. James has slowly fallen in love with Vesper, but Vesper is cool to return his love. It seems she`s concealing a terrible secret that could tear their romance apart.

Casino Royale lays the groundwork for what will become future hallmarks of the 007 book series. A gruff, stern, yet caring “M”. Witty flirtation between 007 and Miss Moneypenny, M`s secretary. Exotic locations. Beautiful and willing women. Ruthless villians.

Casino Royale also brings out a side of Bond that we see mostly in the novels. The dark side of Bond. A very dark side that drives 007 to stay emotionally cold and aloof to the opposite sex. A dark side that sends him drinking away his anxieties about being a killer. Incidentally, Casino Royale gives us some history on how Bond became a 00 agent. Page 109, Chapter 20 “The Nature Of Evil” goes into detail on how Bond attained his 00 status.

Casino Royale sets up the rest of Ian`s works quite nicely. Bond is a man for whom killing does not come easy. Regardless of the circumstances. Bond is a man of habit. He likes to eat the same foods, drink the same wines, and lodge at the same hotels. `Royale` is one of the darkest and most violent of the Bond series, but it`s also one of the best ways of getting into the mindset of James Bond 007.

Books

Brokenclaw

The Hero: James Bond; The Villain: Brokenclaw Lee; The Bond Girl: Chi Chi; Supporting Characters: “M”, Ed Rushia, Bill Tanner, Anne Reilly, Grant, Bone Bender Ding; Locations Covered: San Francisco, Victoria B.C. New York; First Published: 1990

Brokenclaw succeeds as a modern day Bond novel due to largely familiar structure and content. Its villain is a charismatic figure who uses age-old religious fervour to instill fear and loyalty from his minions while our hero`s mission is to stop a foreign power – with China now taking over Russia`s role of old – from procuring the plans for a state-of-the-art defence system. Along the way 007 endures a torture which threatens his very manhood and faces a trial of fire at the climax, the like of which would send any normal mortal to an early grave. In effect, Gardner delivers his most pleasing and traditional Bond by returning to Fleming`s original methods.

In keeping with Gardner`s own view of Bond`s world, James is found to be battle-weary as the action kicks off, yet unlike many of the author`s other offerings 007 is central to the action, not the mere bystander of later novels. The universally condemned Armourer`s assistant Anne Reilly, or Q`ute as she is unfortunately known, has a thankfully token presence while M plays a major role, commanding the mission with an authority and irritability worthy of Fleming`s old man CIA contact, who uses his hillbilly charm to disguise an obvious competency, thus proving to be a fine replacement for Felix Leiter.

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“Lee`s left hand, palm open, had his thumb on the right side, as though at conception, the hand had grown from the wrist the wrong way round, so that with palms outstretched the thumb was to the right; when the palms faced down, the thumb was on the left.”

Brokenclaw proves that fans of Bond need not despair at the name Gardner and ignore the man who kept the franchise alive for fifteen years. While not all of Gardner`s ideas and changes to established Bond lore can be justified, there is no need to throw the baby out with the bathwater. By doing so gems like this will be missed.

Books

Bond Strikes Camp

by: Cyril Connolly (1963)

A parody. Only published in the UK. M has the hots for Bond, orders him into drag, then tricks him into bed. Seriously. Features Bond, M, May, and Lolita Ponsonby (Bond`s secretary in the early Fleming novels; here she`s a Lesbian).

FIRST PUBLISHED:
1963, London Magazine

REPRINTED:
1963, Previous Convictions
1984, Faber Book of Parodies

LOCATIONS:
-Bond`s flat
-MI6 Headquarters
-Armoury (in basement)
-Studio off Kinnerton Street
-Local Cinema
-Kitchener Social Club, Lower Belgrave Mews, SW
-General Count Apraxin`s flat

VILLAIN:
General Count Apraxin (M) aka Vladimir Mischitch (“Just call me Vladimir; the accent is on the second syllable.”)

VILLAIN`S PLAN:
-subversive nookie

WOMEN (BIOLOGICAL ONLY):
-The new hat-check girl from “the Moment Of Truth”
-Ms Loelia (Lolita) Ponsonby (aka Robin)

VEHICLES:
-a souped up Pierce Arrow: 31 open tourer with two three-piece windscreens

GADGETS (AND OTHER ACCESSORIES):
-child`s water pistol with a small screw-top ink-bottle full of some transparent liquid
-jockstrap
-chestnut wig
-artificial eyelashes
-Large foam rubber falsies with electronic self-erecting nipples – pink for blondes, brown for brunettes, round or pear-shaped (“Round, for Christ`s sake!” “I bet you could give someone a good butt in the eye with those charleys.”)
-Black-moire brassiere (“There should be room for a guy to get his hand up under the bra and have a good riffle.”)
-slinky black lace panties
-black satin evening skirt with crimson silk blouse suspended low on the shoulder
-a blue mink scarf
-black stockings
-black shoes with red stilettos
-high heels
-evening bag
-powder-puff
-couple of lipsticks
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-pack of cigarettes (Senior Service)
-long cane holder
-costume jewellery
-charm bracelet
-membership card for the Kitchener Social Club
-pocket mirror
-tortoiseshell comb
-enamel compact
-box of eye make-up with a tiny brush
-mascara
-black eye-shadow

HELPERS:
-Armourer
-Miss Haslip (actually, just a confused man)
-Colin Mount

BOND`S ALIAS:
-Gerda Blond

HIGHLIGHTS:
-M`s assignment
-haberdashery
-cinema (showing “La Dolce Vita”)
-nightclub
-General Count Apraxin`s flat
-taxi ride

BOND`S FOOD AND DRINKS:
-six eggs (five don`t boil right)
-thin finger of wholemeal toast
-Blue Mountain coffee
-Club sandwich
-Eggs Omdurman
-Sirdar Special (drink)
-Tattinger Blanc de blancs, `52
-Old Grandad

BAD PUNS:
-“And if the pace gets too hot?” “Then you must pull out.”
-“That`s my comma.” “I`m afraid I make more use of the colon.”
-“If it had been anyone else I might have urged you to leave the country but with modern methods of eliciting information you would be blown in a day.”

GOOD PUNS:
-“And now perhaps you`d better leave me, 007; I shall have one or two reports to make.”

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:
-And remember: “Do be careful in the loo. That`s where nearly all the mistakes are made.”

Books

Blast From The Past

“The Fed Ex letter was delivered at 9:30. Bond signed for the letter and took it back into the sitting room. It was from “J. Suzuki” in New York. He opened it and read:

DEAR DAD–TERRIBLY URGENT
THAT YOU COME TO NEW YORK!
I NEED YOUR HELP! FAIL NOT!
WITH LOVE–JAMES

And with those words, Raymond Benson and James Bond are off, taking readers across the Atlantic into the streets of New York City to look for James Suzuki, Bond`s only known son.

“Bond had fathered the child while suffering from amnesia during a dark period of his life when he lived as a simple fisherman with Kissy on a small island in Japan.”

This is due to the strong government control over the price of drugs in such countries, the low cost of production, and the fact that these pharmacies sell drugs only to overseas consumers as by doing this they avoid their country’s jurisdiction. Hence, we advise people getting the best consultation from an online pharmacy help you ensure that you are buying drugs from is reliable. levitra properien deeprootsmag.org There are many ways to prevent tension headaches but being aware of when you are starting to feel an overwhelming amount of http://deeprootsmag.org/2013/12/19/this-american-yule/ cialis on line spam sending, black hat website having, bottom feeders. Individuals who have issues like cardiovascular sickness or diabetes and kidney diseases may induce erectile dysfunction or impotence. 007 isn`t in New York for very long before he realizes the grim truth about the fate of his son- he`s dead. Enter Special Agent Cheyl Haven, assigned to investigate the mysterious surroundings of James Suzuki`s death. he clues lead them to a safety deposit box at the bank where Suzuki worked, and in turn a familiar looking bag lady, whom Bond is sure he`s seen before. He has, and she turns out to be a blast from his past with murder in mind. She`s rigged the safety deposit box to explode upon opening, and Bond give`s her full chase in a taxi cab:

An empty taxi cab was idling in fromt of a delicatessan about 100 feet west of them. The OFF DUTY light was on; the driver had stepped out and gone inside the deli. Bond sprinted toward it and jumped into the driver`s seat. Chreyl ran to the passenger side. As Bond drove off, the cabdriver ran out of the delicatessen, shouting.

“I`m not sure whay you just did was entirely legal,” Cheryl said.

“They do it in the movies all the time”, Bond said, speeding toward Fifth Avenue.
There`s some really witty humor in this short story. Benson does a nice job peppering action sequences with light humor to make them go by a little faster. I for one, don`t like reading long drawn out action sequences. Those are better left to the movies. Benson`s 007 even gets in some beautiful jabs at the villian, but I can`t quote them here, or it would give away the surprise of who the villian is.

Blast From The Past is like a Black Cat firecracker. Short, and small, but packs a powerful punch. The tale is tight, with no boring sequences or gaps of interest to go through. There are nice shades of “Phantom Of the Opera” sprinkled in, and references to other Bond adventures 007 took. You`ll have to sort of take the story with a grain of salt, and not think too hard about how old Bond must`ve been when he went to Japan way back when. The literary series is 44 years old now, and Benson has to fudge the timeline somewhat to give us such a nice and compact tale. This story is actually so good, i`d like to see it one day expanded into a full fledged novel. My only complaint with the story was the very last part, where Cheryl Haven offers 007 her breast. It was a bit crude, lacked any subtlety, and was really out fo place considering this was a story about Bond`s question for vengance for James Suzuki. Other than that, the story is great and should be added to any serious literary Bond reader`s collection.

Books

AVAKOUM ZAKHOV VS. 07

Written by: Andrei Gulyashki
Reviewed by: Vladislav Pavlov

In the fall of 1965 the famous Bulgarian writer Andrei Gulyashki announced that he would write a new novel about Avakoum Zakhov – Bulgarian Secret Service case officer. By then Gulyashki had already written several Zakhov stories: The Momchilov Incident, Midnight Adventure, In A Rainy Fall, Sleeping Beauty, Tiny Night Music – they comprise the book The Adventures of Avakoum Zakhov. In these stories Avakoum Zakhov successfully fights spies from various Western Intelligence agencies.

Gulyashki said that in his new novel Avakoum Zakhov would meet a more formidable adversary – “Ian Fleming`s notorious James Bond 007 – the British Secret Agent”, and that Bond would work for a NATO Intelligence Department. Gulyashki also felt that Fleming`s creation lacked humanity, and that he would make James Bond a more realistic person.

Gulyashki wrote the book and intended to publish it, but the James Bond literary copyright holders – Glidrose Productions (later Publications) – barred him from using the name James Bond and the number 007. Gulyashki was forced to change it. That`s why the novel`s main villain – a British secret agent – has the number 07. BUT the NAME JAMES BOND is NEVER MENTIONED!!! Indeed there`s a British secret agent, and he`s Avakoum Zakhov`s main adversary, but he doesn`t have a real name, just the number 07 and various aliases.

Some words about 07: As I mentioned, Gulyashki thought that James Bond lacked humanity and was a very unreal character. One must understand that we`re talking about the Cold War era. In the Eastern Block, communist propaganda said that James Bond was a cruel, ruthless, killing machine without any human feelings. As we would now say, he was considered to be a really bad guy for Soviets… Nobody read the James Bond novels or saw the films. Some people didn`t even know his name, only the number – 007. And some people (at least in Russia) thought that the number of the “notorious secret agent” was 07 and found it ironic, because 07 was the dial-code for a distant call.

(By the way, there was a great Russian singer, Vladimir Vysotsky. He`s dead now but he once wrote a comic song about Bond. It`s called “James Bond”, but he uses the number 07 when referring to James.)

Gulyashki had no trouble showing his 07 as a really mean, cruel bad guy. For this, he didn`t have to study the Bond novels. His novel “Avakoum Zakhov vs. 07” is a kind of antipode to Fleming`s “From Russia, With Love”: communists are good and Western secret agents are bad. But unlike Fleming, Gulyashki is very serious when it concerns his hero`s enemy, so I didn`t have fun reading about 07 the way I enjoyed reading about General Grubozaboyschikov, Rosa Klebb and other maniacs in SMERSH.

Some words about Avakoum Zakhov: He`s a Bulgarian Secret Service case officer, a communist, of course. Rank: Captain of Counterintelligence. His real name is unknown. Height: 180 cm. Eyes: large, grey-blue. He has a long face, the high brow of a mathematician, and the fair, slightly curly hair of a romantic person, greying at the temples. He has a strong jaw-line, the fists of a boxer, but the fingers of a pianist. He has an athletic figure. His head and broad shoulders are tilted slightly forward, this almost undistinguishable stoop-shouldered look makes him look constantly ready for sudden danger. His cover: archeologist. He graduated from the Historical faculty of Sofia University. Zakhov`s deductive skills are similar to Sherlock Holmes`. As for his personal life, he`s a bachelor, but one can`t say that he has a diverse sex-life. The author doesn`t really touch on this subject. Women like Zakhov, but he ignores them. He loves a girl, but doesn`t dare open his heart to her. One can assume that Bulgarian Avakoum Zakhov is a real puritan.

About the Plot:

Hero: Avakoum Zakhov

Villain: the secret agent 07, alias Samuel Benasis, Rene Lefevre, Gaston Dex, Vadim Sergeev.

Villain`s henchman: Japanese Syao.

Heroine: Natalia Nikolaeva

Locations: London, Paris, Istanbul, Sofia, Varna (Bulgaria), Tangier, Atlantic Ocean, Antarctica.

Villain`s plan: kidnapping of a Russian scientist Konstantin Trofimov, who has invented a weapon more formidable than the atomic one – a new type of a powerful laser; its ray can penetrate any surface and neutralizes many different electromagnetic waves.

Villain`s employer: Intelligence Department of NATO (This department employs 07 – British Secret Service agent.)

Zakhov`s friends: General N, Colonel Vasilev, Captain Markov, professor Konstantin Trofimov.

07`s friends: Vera Belcheva; Metody Stanilov; the tanker crew: Captain Francois, second-in-command Robert Smith; radio-operator Hans; sailors);

Highlights: 07 loses tail on mountain road; assault on the Professor`s villa; Zakhov`s penetration on board 07`s tanker; shipwreck of the tanker.

Remarks: some parts of a plot are very naive; dialogue is slightly childish; beautiful descriptions of nature; final scenes in Antarctica are unreal.

PART I.

NATO learns that Konstantin Trofimov – a Russian scientist – has invented a weapon more formidable than the atomic bomb – a new type of powerful laser. Its ray can penetrate any surface and neutralize many different electromagnetic waves. NATO knows that Trofimov will visit the International Conference of Physicists in Sofia, Bulgaria. It`s the best place to kidnap him. For this, the Intelligence Department of NATO employs British Secret Service agent 07 (it`s mentioned that 07 worked for this Department before.)

07`s boss – Chief of Department A of British Secret Service – orders him to study Russian, which takes 07 eight to nine months. His chief then gives him his last briefing. He explains that 07 will be working under the Intelligence Department of NATO, and that the mission has nothing to do with the Secret Service. He says: “Remember, your actions have nothing to do with our Service, and you do not try to contact us:” (Wow, it sounds like Gardner!) There is no portrait of 07`s chief, but it`s mentioned that both he and 07 belong to an exclusive club in St. James Street (this would be “Blades” from Moonraker).

The orders are given, and 07 meets a contact, who tells him to go to Paris. There 07 gets a new passport in the name of Samuel Benasis – a businessman from Vancouver who sells wood as material for furniture. He then flies to Istanbul, where he ignores the city`s beauty. His previous visit here is never mentioned, so we can`t connect him to Fleming`s From Russia, With Love. In Istanbul he meets an American named Arthur. 07 and Arthur use funny passwords:

“Hello,” he [Arthur] nodded and stared at 07 through his glasses. “I heard you offered wood. Two bucks per cubic metre.” “Two bucks and twenty cents,” said 07…

Arthur gives him orders and a new passport. 07 becomes Rene Lefevre, Swiss, a reporter of a Lebanon telegraph agency. It`s suitable cover for getting to the International Conference of Physicists, where Trofimov will speak. Arthur orders 07 to go to Bulgaria where he will meet Vera Belcheva – 07`s connection. At the end of the briefing, Arthur says something interesting – I think Gulyashki hit the bullseye here.

Arthur to 07: “We would be very grateful to you if there was no shooting this time”.

Yes, it is James Bond!!!

07 goes to Bulgaria, although the Bulgarian Security Service knows that reporter Rene Lefevre is really the notorious British Secret Agent 07. The Bulgarians think his visit is directly connected to Russian professor Trofimov. 07 drives his Opel-record to Varna, but a car with Bulgarian agents tails him. He loses the tail on the mountain road; the car with the Bulgarian agents flies down the rock face. One is dead, two are hospitalized.

But the streets and buildings of Varna have eyes, and the Bulgarian Security Service soon finds 07. The Bulgarians arrange a stake-out in a Park, where 07 meets his connection – Vera Belcheva. Vera is very beautiful, but 07 doesn`t try to seduce her. Gulyashki writes:

“He [07] clearly realized that a man in his profession musn`t sleep with a colleague, and he almost never did since he knew it could be inconvenient and even dangerous. He was too much the professional. ”

The real James Bond would have bedded her:

Vera helps 07 contact top Bulgarian Physicist Metody Stanilov at whose villa Russian Professor Trofimov will stay when visiting Varna, Bulgaria. The villa is well guarded by Security Service agents. It`s situated on the rocky coast and enclosed by a high fence. Security agents are fairly sure that the villa is impenetrable. 07 thinks the same.

Meanwhile, Stanilov realizes that only top Bulgarian Secret Service case officer Avakoum Zakhov can beat 07, and therefore must die. Stanilov organizes a birthday party at his own house; he invites guests, but before they arrive, he leaves, claming that he must go to the villa in Varna where the Russian professor will be staying. The guests arrive and find the house empty. Stanilov has left a message saying that the house is at their disposal and to enjoy themselves. He`s hidden the food and wine, which they should easily find. If not, they should call their friend the archeologist Zakhov (Stanilov and Zakhov know each other). Indeed, since the guests can`t find the food and wine, they have to call Zakhov. Stanilov gambled that only Zakhov would find it because of the latter`s Sherlock Holmes skills. Zakhov quickly finds the hidden food and wine, but his developed sense of danger tells him that something is wrong. Indeed, he soon finds a surprise waiting for him: a high-voltage cable secretly connected to the lock of a chest where wine bottles were stored. “Shocking, positively shocking.” Zakhov can`t prove anything, but now suspects Stanilov a possible enemy. Another surprise. The Chief of the Bulgarian Secret Service summons Zakhov back: British agent 07 is in Bulgaria. Zakhov is to keep an eye on 07 and uncover his plans. Zakhov`s chief tells him about 07:

“This agent is not a mindless pawn; one should keep an eye on him even when he plays bridge in his St. James Street club.”

Yes, the names are different, but it *IS* James Bond.

PART II.

07 must find some way into the villa, even though he knows he`s under constant surveillance, so he acts natural. His daily programme is as follows: He gets up at 10 a.m. and has breakfast till 11 a.m. (His breakfast: half of fried chicken, with tomatoes and salad.) From 11 to 1 p.m. he swims along the coast. (Before swimming he puts on a rubber hat!) Then he returns to the hotel, changes clothes, and goes to the restaurant, dines in the company of other foreign reporters. (His dinner: crayfish, smoked sausages, oysters, fillet dressed with wine vinegar and olive oil and: a large portion of roast mutton with spicy sauce… no scrambled eggs?) 07 certainly likes eating. After dinner he rests on the terrace and flirts with the chambermaids. In the evening, he meets Vera Belcheva. They get a boat and row along the beach (near the Professor`s Villa). Their boat is also under constant surveillance.

07 pulls a fast one. The Bulgarian agents don`t know that he has an inflatable doll… (no, not that kind of inflatable doll!)… an inflatable doll of himself. While Vera sits in the boat with “an inflatable 07”, embracing and talking to it, the real 07, wearing an aqualung, explores the underwater rocks near the villa. 07 learned this trick in the USSR. He was on a mission, near Archangelsk and a Soviet soldier fooled him the same way. 07 nearly got killed.

07 eventually finds a secret tunnel leading straight to the villa`s garage…

It`s now the last day of the International Conference of Physicists. In the evening, Russian professor Trofimov, his secretary Natalia Nikolaeva and Metody Stanilov return to the villa. Meanwhile, 07 and Vera Belcheva sit in a rowing boat. 07 inflates his “rubber ringer”, puts on an aqualung and… kills his colleague – Vera Belcheva!!! He can`t have any witnesses. He kills her… with a poisoned knife blade, hidden in his shoe!!! (shades of Rosa Klebb!) He then enters the villa through the secret tunnel. Inside, he shoots several guards using his silenced pistol, and injects a strong drug into the sleeping professor`s and secretary`s veins and then carries them to the car. 07 goes to Stanilov`s room and wakes him up. Stanilov realizes that he`ll also be killed, so he begins arguing with 07. It turns into a fight, which 07 wins. He persuades Stanilov at gunpoint to get in the driver`s seat and drive. Throughout the ride, Stanilov feels 07`s gun muzzle pointed at his back. The car windows are curtained, so they successfully pass through the villa`s Exit Control. Stanilov drives to the rendezvous point where another boat waits for 07.At the rendezvous point, 07 kills Stanilov (using his poisoned shoe, of course) and disappears with the unconscious professor Trofimov and the professor`s secretary Natalia Nikolaeva…

Avakoum Zakhov has a single clue: a pair of intercepted and deciphered radiograms from 07 to 07`s HQ. He begins the quest.

PART III.

Avakoum flies to Paris, where he learns that 07 (and also the Russian professor and his secretary) might be on board a ship that will stay at Tangier for several days. In Tangier, Avakoum learns that in this city 07 will pick up the German professor Paul Schelenberg. The professor, a former physicist, is a wanted war criminal who experimented on Auschwitz prisoners during the Second World War.

Avakoum Zakhov introduces himself to the professor as one of 07`s men, then puts a strong sleeping-pill in the professor`s beer and goes to the rendezvous point, and meets 07`s real contact. Avakoum introduces himself as Professor Paul Schelenberg which gets him on board 07`s ship, a small tanker.

07 has persuaded Russian professor Trofimov that he is Vadim Sergeev, that they`re on a Russian ship, and that he – 07 – saved the professor from enemy agents.He says the ship is going to the ice-station in the Arctic (North Pole) where the professor planned to test his invention. However, 07 keeps the professor and his secretary under lock.

Actually, the ship is going South, to Capetown, South Africa. 07 is sure that Paul Schelenberg is real and asks him to befriend the Russian professor and learn more about the secret invention, which is why 07 needed the German professor. But it doesn`t work. The Russian professor clams up. Moreover, Zakhov can`t let on that he`s a Bulgarian secret agent, because of 07`s constant presence. Worse, Natalia ignores Avakoum because she`s under 07`s spell.

Avakoum Zakhov spends his free time playing bridge with the tanker crew. He can freely walk the decks of the ship, however the radio-room is the only taboo. Somehow, he must pass the ship`s coordinates to the Center. He accidentally discovers that 07`s henchman – the Japanese Syao – is a double agent, apparently working for Japan! (Wow!!! A colleague of 07 is a traitor! This is the second time that Gulyashki uses John Gardner`s methods!!! And the book was written in the 1960s!) Avakoum blackmails Syao and passes the ship`s coordinates and bearings back to the Centre and changes the ship`s course. 07`s ship now goes to the Antarctic Soviet ice-station “Mirny” (Peaceful). Soon 07 realizes that Syao is a double and orders the tanker crew to hang him. Afterwards, 07 and his crew have a party and drink rum.

The rest of the book somewhat resembles Alistair MacLean`s sea-novels, but the Antarctica scenes aren`t realistic. The frosts and winds of Antarctica don`t seem to bother anyone in the novel.

The ship gets into the ice trap and wrecks. At the last moment 07 sends their coordinates to his HQ. The only survivors are Avakoum Zakhov, 07, professor Trofimov and Natalia Nikolaeva. They are in Antarctica. Now every person knows who is who. Natalia Nikolaeva isn`t under 07`s spells any more; Zakhov is now her hero.

07 and Zakhov don`t try to kill each other, but they frighten each other, and 07 is shown as a miserable coward. Zakhov tells 07:

“…If “Franklin” comes first, I will strangle you, that`s for sure!” He said these words calmly, firmly, with a cold confidence. 07 shivered, he felt the chill running down his spine, as though someone had touched him with a piece of a hard blue ice. ”

Avakoum Zakhov waits for a Soviet helicopter from the ice-station “Mirny”, while 07 waits for the American Icebreaker “Franklin”. Who will arrive first? Waiting for help, the survivors spend the night in Antarctica. Zakhov, Trofimov and Natalia build a snow house. 07 builds his own shelter. However, as I mentioned before, the frosts and fierce winds of Antarctica don`t bother them much.

Morning. The Russian helicopter arrives first. Avakoum Zakhov, professor Trofimov and Natalia Nikolaeva are saved, but 07 disappears. Zakhov wants to stay to capture 07, but the pilot stops him. The Pilot knows that the American Icebreaker “Franklin” will come for 07 within several hours. Avakoum Zakhov does not kill Agent 07!!! END.

Further Remarks:

It wouldn`t be surprising if Gulyashki hadn`t read a single Bond novel to understand the character. He certainly saw the movie “From Russia, With Love”, and read some critical articles about Bond. Yes, Gulyashki`s “07” is indeed a British secret agent; he`s devoted to his country, he`s got a similar number to 007, he has various secret weapons, he`s a sharpshooter, a good driver, he lives in Chelsea, likes to play cards… Somebody would say: hey, it`s James Bond alright!.. But Gulyashki has made Bond a cruel, ruthless, killing machine without any human feelings other than meanness and greediness.Gulyashki`s knowledge about the background of Fleming`s creation is very poor. 07 and 007 are different as far as it concerns their thoughts and tastes. Gulyashki shows us a “decadent but handsome agent of a corrupt Western power.” And he successfully makes this agent look ridiculous and miserable.

As a Bond-fan, I try to be impassive while writing this article. Nevertheless I`ll say that this book is an offence to Mr. Bond. Gulyashki`s book isn`t a friendly pastiche and I can understand why Glidrose barred Gulyashki from using James Bond`s name and number.

Books

Alligator By I*n Fl*m*ng

By I*n Fl*m*ng (Michael K Frirth and Christopher Cerf)
First published: November 1962, Vanitas Books (US only)
Reprinted: January 1963 (US only)

Bibliographic notes and trivia bonus: Frirth and Cerf co-created the tv show “Sesame Street”. Frirth later co-created the children`s show “Fraggle Rock”. Cerf was also one of the judges on the much-maligned Random-House list of this century`s 100 best novels.

Hero: J*mes B*nd 007 (trade cover: World-Wide Import & Export Ltd)
Heroine: Anagram Le Galion
Villain: Lacertus Alligator (steel toothed; face purple from heart condition)
Villain`s Employer: TOOTH (ex-Nazis) and SMERSH
Villain`s Project: Steal British Parliament buildings, kidnap Queen for ransom
Minor villain(s):

-Mr Kynstondi, Mr Pazardzhik (both deaf mutes)
-unnamed gigantic mute Korean
-Heinrich (an alligator)
-Kapitan Hammerstein

Bond`s Friends:

-M (head of the British Secret Service)
-Llewylla (Bond`s housekeeper)
-Bill (Chief of Staff)
-Lilly Postlethwaite (Bond`s secretary)
-Miss Pennyfarthing
-Lord Dingletump (Glades Chairman)
-Felix Ronson (CIA Agent who lost an arm and a leg to a shark in Florida on a previous mission with Bond)
-Squabble (black native, i.e. Quarrel)

Highlights:

-Card game
-Anagram`s backstory (Chapter 13)
-Bond hears the chimes and sees Parliament
-Alligator`s backstory
-Bond disguised as PM, chase up Big Ben

Locations:

-London, England
-Glades (Club)
-Bermuda
-British Parliament Buildings

Summary: (Note: even though the villain`s name is Alligator, several alligators (reptiles) appear in the story. For example, Bond shoots a reptile in Chapter 13, not the villain. Also, there`s no point writing “B*nd” for “Bond” and “*” for “M”, though the chapter titles are kept intact.)

1: Table 14
Bond bored, contemplates his lethargy in a bar. Alligator and his entourage, including a blonde (Anagram Le Galion) and two deaf mute henchmen, enter. Bond also notices Alligator`s steel teeth [see quote]. One of the henchmen, on Alligator`s behalf, invites Bond to their table.

2: A Spray Of Violets
Alligator spray-paints Bond`s face purple; Alligator loves the colour. Bond and Alligator discuss drinks and Bond explains how his own drink is made, then christens it the “Anagram”. Alligator goes to the washroom. Anagram begs Bond to take her away, but once in her car, she has second thoughts and asks Bond to leave.

3: “Give Oop This Life O` Yourn”
Bond`s Welsh housekeeper Llewylla wakes a cursing Bond up. Bill, the Chief Of Staff, phones. Bond drives to work. Ms Pennyfarthing tells him every London bridge has collapsed.

4: Interview With *
M asks Bond about Alligator. Bond says he`s already met the man. M explains Alligator`s background, how Alligator became one of the world`s richest men, and that he cheats at cards.

5: The Man He Loved And Obeyed
M continues. Alligator cheats at the card game “Go Fish”. The Glades chairman didn`t want a scandal, so he asked M if any of his men could catch Alligator out. Bond prepares two decks of cards at home, picks M up and drives to Glades. Bond and M work out a signal: Bond will propose a toast when he`s cracked Alligator`s system. Once inside Glades, Bond becomes excited at the prospect of doing battle with Alligator.

6: “What`s Your Limit, Alligator?”
Glade chairman Lord Dingletump, whose face has been spray-painted purple, introduces Bond and M to Alligator. Alligator promptly spray-paints their faces purple too. Bond and Alligator agree on terms and sit down to play cards.

7: “J*mes, Go Fish”
Bond regrets the terms he`s just made with Alligator; if he loses 8 sets, it`ll cost him more than triple his annual income. Bond plays badly, Alligator keeps winning. Bond notices the two deaf mutes who stand behind him and realizes they`re using sign language to tell Alligator what cards he has. Bond throws his chair back, knocking one of the deaf mutes over.

8: “Gentlemen, The Queen”
Alligator is ready to collect his winnings, but Bond challenges Alligator to a rematch for double the stakes. M reluctantly says that he`s good for Bond`s losses when Alligator asks. Before the rematch begins, Bond toasts the Queen, throwing his glass into the fireplace. Alligator tosses his and knocks Dingletump on the head. Bond switches cards with his doctored pack when Alligator spray-paints Dingletump again. The remaining deaf-mute signals Bond`s cards to Alligator. However, before Alligator does anything, Bond toasts the Queen again, and while nobody looks, slips both doctored “7s” from his sleeve into his hand, replacing them with his “kings”. Alligator asks for Bond`s kings and is surprised when Bond doesn`t have any. Bond proceeds to demolish Alligator and win almost half a million pounds. Alligator writes out a cheque and says that if I were you I`d cash this quickly.

9: The Still Vexed Bermoothes
In M`s office the next day. Apparently a purple crocodile killed the head of Station B; M wants Bond to investigate. (M also thanks Bond for donating the “Go Fish” winnings to the White Cross which benefits families of service agents killed in duty.) Bond, rather annoyed that M has sent him on a routine investigation, flies to Bermuda, where he happens across Alligator and Anagram at the Coral Beach Club. (Bond is annoyed to find American currency in as much use as British.)

10: A View From The Terrace
Bond lunches with Alligator (who spray-paints Bond`s face) and Anagram (who decides that Bond reminds her of Hoagy Carmichael). Alligator leaves to use the washroom; Anagram begs Bond to come to her room tomorrow evening where she will explain everything.

11: T.O.O.T.H.
Bond gets M`s cable next morning: the criminal organization T.O.O.T.H. has stolen the Parliament buildings, floating them down the River Thames, with the Queen, the PM, and other notables on board. T.O.O.T.H. demands one hundred million pounds ransom. Bond`s friend and former CIA agent Felix Ronson sneaks up on him; thinking it might be an enemy, Bond overpowers him and Ronson lands in scrambled egg. In between good-natured banter a la Fleming`s originals, Felix explains that he`s down here investigating an alligator smuggling ring.

12: An American Chap
Bond meets Bermuda`s Governor, who explains that Alligator bought one of the Bermuda Islands, and built a replica of Parliament painted purple on it. That evening, Bond dines with Anagram.
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13: Things That Go Bump In The Night
Bond and Anagram go for a late night swim, where he discovers that Alligator hypnotized her, then painted her torso and nether regions purple. Back in his room, they slide into bed, and an alligator hidden beneath the bedspread lunges at them. Bond throws Anagram to the floor and shoots the alligator five times in the mouth. Soon afterwards, a bellboy knocks on the door and says that Felix Ronson is dead, chewed up by an alligator. Anagram tells Bond her backstory. SMERSH kidnapped her lover, Roger Entwhistle (004) and told her that they would kill him if she didn`t spy for them. They subsequently gave her to Alligator who made the same conditions. Alligator expected her to entice men whom he could feed to his alligators. Alligator would say, “I have to go to the bathroom”, his signal that he wanted her to entice the man, thereby explaining her previous inconsistent behaviour with Bond. Anagram had told Alligator that Bond had changed his mind that day in the restaurant. Alligator retaliated by supposedly having Roger killed. He also blackmailed her about her part in the deaths in case she tried leaving him or telling anybody. She also explains that Alligator`s favourite Alligator, Heinrich, killed the Head of Station B and Felix Ronson, both of whom had been nosing around. Bond decides to visit Alligator`s island base.

14: Alligator`s Lair
Squabble brings the diving gear, and the three of them head for the coast. Alligator, in his car, passes them on the way, and pulls a lever releasing ambergris (whale vomit). Squabble, Bond and Amber`s motor-bicycles skid. Squabble`s goes over the cliff, killing him. Bond and Anagram continue on to Alligator`s lair.

15: Death Of A Frogman
They swim to Alligator`s island; a frogman attacks and a CO2 spear barely misses Bond. The two men struggle and Bond kills him. A whirlpool vortex sucks a struggling Bond and Anagram into Alligator`s lair. Alligator knocks Bond unconcious.

16: The Pleasure Of His Company
Bond comes to, shackled to a chair, and notices an invite to dinner and a menu list. Bond lists how he wants his food prepared. The building vibrates and lists from side to side; Bond realizes that the building has become water-borne like a boat.

17: The House Of Usher
Bond hears two sets of chimes, each apparently four hours apart, and realizes that Alligator stole the Parliament buildings. Stormtroopers march him out at gun point onto a boat which takes him to the real Westminster Hall several hundred yards away; the replica is then sunk.

18 Pandora`s Box
Bond realizes that Alligator intended to float the real buildings out to where the replicas stood so that nobody would be the wiser. Alligator greets him, spray-paints his face purple, then takes him to see the Queen and the PM, the House of Lords, Lord Snowdon (Princess Margaret`s photographer ex-husband), whose faces have also all been spray-painted purple, inside the House of Commons chambers. Two debates are under way, both concerning Britain`s entry into the Common Market. At dinner, Mr Pazardzhik`s fake right arm shoots two darts out of his index finger into a Winston Churchill portrait; each of the darts was dipped in philopon, a Japanese murder drug. When Bond calls Alligator a maniac, Alligator counters that he considers himself an artist and compares himself to Hitler, Alexander The Great and Napoleon. Alligator also implies that Anagram is still a loyal operative, making Bond wonder if Anagram led him into this trap. Alligator tells his life story over dinner: from humble origins, through alligator smuggling, to his current plan and beyond. Several distractions let Bond swipe utensils and Alligator`s spray-paint can off the dinner table when no one is looking. Alligator further explains that he`ll turn on Russia and that the world will be his. An unnamed mute gigantic Korean comes in and karate chops Bond unconscious.

19: Do Not Puncture Or Incinerate
Bond comes to in the Parliament building`s fourth sub-basement. Alligator and a naked Anagram, painted purple from neck to knee, stand there. Bond curses himself for trusting her. Alligator threatens torture and a painful death if Bond doesn`t say who he`s working for. When Bond doesn`t respond, Alligator bites Bond`s calf with his steel teeth. Bond knocks his chair forward, overpowering Alligator. Alligator presses a button and Bond drops through the floor into an alligator pool. The alligator bites, inadvertantly cutting the ropes that bind Bond to the chair. Bond uses the weapons he stole from the dinner table to injure the alligator, ultimately killing it: Bond jams the spray-paint can into the alligator`s mouth. The alligator chomps down on it, the canister explodes, a shard lodges in the reptile`s windpipe. The trap door reopens, Bond vaults out and sees Anagram tied to an overturned chair; she had been on his side all along. Since Alligator`s men don`t suspect her loyalties, Bond wants her to get the MPs out of the ballot room.

20 Noon G.M.T. – Saturday
The MPs debate each other. Anagram cons Kapitan Hammerstein into believing that Alligator wants to see him and his men, and that he`s to give her the gun to keep watch over the British politicans. Bond joins her, and asks for the PM. Mr Pazardzhik shoves a note under the door asking the PM to see Alligator. Bond puts on the PM`s wig and robe, and carries the mace (the ceremonial metal object, not the spray), and goes to see Alligator. Steps away from Alligator, Kynstondi recognizes Bond and Mr Pazardzhik lifts his dart hand to fire. Bond knocks the arm off with the mace, then crushes Mr Kynstondi`s head. Alligator makes a run for it; Bond shoots him and chases him up the stairs to Big Ben. Alligator crumples and falls into the clockwork.

21 “When`s Supper?”
An injured Bond in M`s office. The PM had offered Bond a VC, but M had to explain that the service doesn`t go in for that sort of thing. The PM has told newspaper editors that what happened was a test run for moving the Parliament buildings in case of enemy attack. M offers Bond two weeks leave. Bond finds Anagram waiting for him in his home. They kiss.

Remarks: The famous Harvard Lampoon parody of Fleming`s James Bond novels is actually less a parody than a slavish imitation of Fleming`s originals.

Scenes and details are obviously copied (read: plagarized) from Fleming`s originals. I`m surprised that a plagiarism suit didn`t follow – the authors would never get away with it today – and it probably explains why the book only went through two printings and hasn`t been reprinted since.

It`s also at times a respectable Bond novel in its own right and this works in favour of including it in the series: it comes closer to Fleming`s style and tics (good and bad) than any post-Fleming Bond novelist.

The novel also has one major advantage over Fleming`s originals: it`s only 77 pages long and stapled like TV Guide Magazine, and perhaps no more than 32,000 words. Fleming sometimes went on a bit, and parts of Doctor No and most of Thunderball would have benefitted from being chopped in half.

Kingsley Amis complained that it was too close to the original and I assume that the authors marked down particular scenes from Fleming`s novels, changed them slightly and put them in a new order to create the novel. Compare two sets of examples:

1A) Every country in the world has its favourite bird, a creature which is pointed out with pride to foreigners and whose habits are followed lovingly by the natives. In Bermuda this bird is the long-tail, so called because nine-tenths of its twelve inches consist of two, long, graceful, black-tipped, white features. High above the beautiful stretch of pink sand six of them whirled, their white bodies flashes of light in the now setting sun, their tails meteor trails behind them. Their soft mewing punctuated the sound of the waves as they dipped and soared over the ebbing tide, their tiny bright eyes alert to the slightest movement indicating some hapless sea-creature left behind by the waves. Below them all but a few stragglers had left the beach.

1B) The most beautiful bird in Jamaica, and some say the most beautiful bird in the world, is the streamer-tail or doctor humming-bird. The cock bird is abut nine inches long, but seven inches of it are tail – two long black feathers that curve and cross each other and whose inner edges are in a form of scalloped design. The head and crest are black, the wings dark green, the long bill is scarlet, and the eyes, bright and confiding, are black. The body is emerald green, so dazzling that when the sun is on the breast you see the brightest green thing in nature. In Jamaica, birds that are loved are given nicknames. Trochilus polytmus is called “doctor bird” because his two black streamers remind people of the black tail-coat of the old-time physician.

2A) He had not wished to embarrass the Governor, who seemed to him an easily embarrassable man, and it could in fact have been unwise to give him knowledge of a felony which might easily be the subject of a question in the Legislature Council. […] He had known the purpose of Bond`s visit to the Colony, and that evening, when Bond had shaken him by the hand, the dislike of a peaceable man for violent action had been communicated to Bond by something constrained and defensive in the Governor`s manner. […] Not that Bond had anything against the Governor. He belonged to a routine type that Bond had often encountered round the world – solid, loyal, competent, sober and just: the best type of Colonial civil Servant. Solidly, competently, loyally he would have filled the minor posts for thirty years while the Empire crumbled around him; and now, just in time, by sticking to the ladders and avoiding the snakes, he had got to the top. In a year or two it would be the GCB and out – out to Godalming, or Cheltenham or Tunbridge Wells with a pension and a small packet of memories of places like the Trucial Oman, the Leeward Islands, British Guiana, that no one at the local golf club would have heard of or would care about.

2B) Bond and the governor had disliked each other immediately. It was the instinctive reaction of a man of peace to a man of action, each realizing the necessity of the other`s job, but disagreeing with the principle behind it. To Bond the governor was a typical civil servant, holding on until he could retire on a nice pension to a little farm in the south of England and grow roses. To the governor Bond was the sort of person who caused embarrassing incidents, and his job was to avoid embarrassment. The meeting had been brief. Bond was assured of the full support and cooperation of government forces should he need them, and he in turn had assured the governor that there would be little likelihood of that.

I`ll leave it to the reader to decide which from each set Fleming wrote.

The authors also copy other details. Bond`s hand was scarred by SMERSH. Felix has a hook instead of an arm and the book refers to the Florida incident where Felix was injured. In Chapter 2, Bond notes that Anagram drives like a man and uses blinkers to indicate turns. After she leaves him, he calls her a “bitch”; compare what Bond says at the end of Chapter 11 in Thunderball after he`s met Domino. The novel also relies heavily on Moonraker: the card game; the last chapter when M tells an injured Bond that the service doesn`t go in for awards, gives him a leave of absence, and explains how the government and the press will cover up the mishap. Mind you, future Bond films and novels also copy from it (i.e. the villain has steel teeth like Jaws; the henchman`s hand shoots a dart into a picture; an exploding compressed air canister kills a villain).

There`s not that much humour. What little there is, is more of the “throwaway” kind (and some of the more over-the-top humour is rather strained): A large sign proclaimed “World-Wide Import & Export Ltd,” and few knew this was the headquarters for HM Secret Service. Bond thought of the few innocents who occasionally wandered in trying to import or export something. They were taken to the dummy offices on the fifth floor where they were politely, but firmly, shot.” Actually, one of the funniest things in the book is the publisher`s blurb about the other Vanitas Books by I*N FL*M*NG being sold out. Or in Chapter 11, Bond says about M: He had always called Allen Dulles whenever there was a difficult situation and it was difficult to convince him that Allen Dulles was no longer in charge of the CIA.

The novel is at it`s best when it tries to be an exciting thriller in its own right. The 14% through 36% section of the novel features an exciting card game which has what others call the “Fleming sweep”. It`s terrific, exciting, with ingenious bits: Bond cottons onto the deaf-mutes` gambit, he realizes that Alligator asked for tens because the deaf-mute must have splayed his fingers out when Bond knocked him over. This is great, though Bond`s toast reeks of parody and seems straight out of the 1967 Casino Royale parody. Notwithstanding this, it`s these clever exciting parts that make me argue that the book should be counted as a legitimate series entity.

There are also wonderful details about Alligator`s background in Chapter 4: people threw baby alligators into the sewers, the alligators grew in size, and Alligator befriended them – which is a strikingly Fleming touch, one that doesn`t rely on the originals, and this is how the authors should have written the novel. M says, “Then when they got too big or their owners became bored with them, they flushed them down the toilet. In the sewers they just went right on growing. Thrived there. Apparently he grew very attached to them and they to him. Found he could do a very good business selling them to zoos, and of course he could sell the baby ones for conversation pieces.” In fact, if I didn`t know any better I would have thought that Fleming had written this passage.

Chapter 6 has a nice bit about stupid Bulgarians which sounds like Fleming but works on its own. Besides there were the two deaf-mute Bulgarian bodyguards. Bulgarians, B*nd had always known, are inherently stupid and muscular. Lacking the intelligence to be criminal masterminds in their own right, they usually ended up as hired thugs. He remembered that while he had been working on the Casino case in France, the Deuxieme Bureau had uncovered a whole pool of Bulgars expert in sabotage and murder jobs. Alligator had probably hired his bodyguards from just such a pool.

In Chapter 12, the Governor explains that Alligator bought a Bermuda Island, and built a purple replica of the British Parliament on it (reminiscent of Doctor No). There`s also a nice, believable (until you think about it) explanation about water shortage, which is probably a parody of Fleming`s poor research. (Mind you, even if it isn`t, it`s detailed and fascinating the way Fleming can be.)

Chapter 13 is one of the book`s best chapters, and has some good writing: “Does Smersh mean anything to you?” “I`ve heard of it,” he replied shortly. Or when Anagram explains Alligator`s “washroom” cue; though parody, it`s nicely done. In fact, up to that point I thought Alligator`s penchant for going to the washroom was amateurish. I read her explanation and thought, okay, that`s good writing. The authors convinced me.

Anagram`s background and predicament is a high point and though it copies Vesper`s situation in Casino Royale, it`s good, strong writing and dramatically effective, perhaps more than Fleming`s original. In the same chapter Anagram mentions that her mother wrestled with her conscience for 9 months (after becoming pregnant); this is Fleming-like and also good writing.

In Chapter 16, Bond, captured, is invited to dinner and given a menu list. Bond specifices exactly how he wants his meal prepared and it`s parody, but it works (and is funny); Bond notes that the shrimp should be de-veined before being cooked. It`s also good, effective writing; it would work well in a regular Bond novel. I suppose a crucial element of a successful parody is for the scenes and details to work as parody and non-parody.

In Chapter 17, Bond hears two sets of chimes and realizes that Alligator stole the Parliament buildings; it`s a nice bit and exciting and has the same charge you get from the high points in the other novels.

Chapter 18 is another fine chapter, with funny details: (it`s presumably a parody of the dining scene in Doctor No) Bond swipes almost everything off the dinner table to use as weapons and nobody notices. There`s one deft, funny bit: he blows the candle out and tucks it in robe.

The same chapter is clever: the kidnapped politicians debate England`s entry into the Common Market. It`s funny and yet entirely logical and it works. Think about it, what else are they going to do? They`ll have to debate it at some point so why not now? It`s brilliant because it`s so believable. It`s off the wall, yet expected.

Also in Chapter 18, Alligator explains that, “With the help of the Detroit Purple Gang, to whom my aesthetic intuition led me directly, I entered the field of international alligator smuggling: my already substantial income increased fourfold, and I was able to expand my Nazi youth group into a sort of special executive for counterintelligence, terrorism, revenge, and extortion [Note the initials: s.p.e.c.t.r.e] – in short, The Organization Organized to Hate, or, simply, T.O.O.T.H.” There are other clever details: Alligator explains his Russian connections (or “connexions”, Fleming`s way of spelling the word): three of their agents stole an atom bomb (Thunderball), and a fourth, Gary Powers (though he`s not actually mentioned), allowed his plane to be forced down over Russia. One of several ingenious Fleming-style details. (It makes it even less understandable why John Gardner never had the knack when Frirth/Cerf got it downpat.)

The finale is exciting and clever (and at these times it forfeits the label parody): Bond disguises himself as the PM and approaches Alligator. It builds in intensity and is probably more exciting than Fleming because the book is so compact.

However, I never thought I`d say this in regards to Fleming`s writing, but Fleming is more stylish than Frith and Cerf. It copies Fleming`s style, but it doesn`t have the same sturdiness or exuberance. Alligator keeps saying “chum” and botching Bond`s name; these tics are actually more annoying as the book goes along and he isn`t a great villain. The novel is also structurally flawed; the story takes an awkward turn at the 40% mark when it shifts from the card game to the Bermuda plot. It also slows down immediately after the card game and takes several chapters to work itself back up. Chapter 11 awkwardly shoehorns news about the disappearing Parliament buildings, and at other times the novel is too rushed (i.e. Felix Ronson is a walk-on/get-killed part) and needed fleshing out.

Chapter 19 probably features the book`s worst scene. Bond fights an alligator which keeps biting chunks out of him. It`s presumably meant to parody the obstacle-course sequence from Doctor No, but it`s sloppy and doesn`t work. It didn`t bother me as much re-reading the novel, but it would have worked better had it been less stupid. However, there`s one inspired bit of writing: B*nd was not a religious man, but at that moment he gazed toward the black ceiling and uttered a silent word of thanks. As if in answer, a flash of blinding yellow light appeared from the ceiling. The trap door had reopened.

Should Alligator be considered a “real” Bond novel? Yes, even though Glidrose doesn`t own the copyright. John Gardner tended towards parody at his worst and the most ludicrous moments in his novels aren`t that far removed from the parody here. It also fits in more easily with the books than the 1967 Casino Royale does with the Bond films. There are moments straight out of that film (during the toast, Alligator throws his glass back and dings Dingletump on the head, Chapter 8), but it`s actually very Fleming-like. It also has the crucial ingredient that, for example, John Gardner never grasped: the situations can be ridiculous but the author must be absolutely straight-faced and treat almost everything with the utmost tongue-in-cheek seriousness. The authors take themselves very seriously. It`s part of the book`s charm and explains its popularity.

Books, Movies

Roulette, Mister Bond?

American and European versions of roulette use the same rules. The difference between the two versions is that the American machines have a zero and double zero for 38 compartments, and the European machines have only the single zero for 37 compartments.

Each player is given his own colored set of chips (except in France, where some problems arise since all players use the same colored chips). The chips have no face value; each player tells the croupier the value of his chips when he purchases them. The croupier keeps track of the value of each set of chips by putting a small check chip with this value on the stack of chips.

Half the 36 numbers for the compartments are red and the others black. The zero and double zero are neutral colors (usually green).

The croupier asks the players to place their bets. A player does not have to sit at the table to place a bet. Once all bets are down, the croupier spins the wheel clockwise and then flips the ball counterclockwise around the rim of the wheel. Eventually, the ball lands in one of the compartments and the bets are paid off.

The simplest bet is to place chips on a single number. This is betting Straight Up (Plein); if the ball lands in this numbered compartment, the player is paid off at a ratio of 35 to 1.

It is evident amongst the most widely recognized explanations behind individuals missing work and seeing a spe t and getting determined to have a dysfunctional family? To those who have no close family members, create your own new family. Instead of focusing on the sensation you experience during sexual activity, think of something other than sex like a baseball game or reciting the alphabet backwards. Erectile Dysfunction Alcohol causes blood vessels to dilate, which prevents the egg to successfully meet the sperm in the uterus. There are easy steps you can take continuously. Chips can be placed to cover several numbers at once. The diagrams on this page show the American and European roulette tables. The chip marked A touches “14” and “17”; this is called Split Numbers (Cheval). If either of these numbers wins, the player is paid off at a ratio of17 to 1. The chip marked B is placed on the corners of 26, 27, 29 and 30; this is called a Corner (Carre) and pays off at 8 to 1.

A Trio (Traversale Plein) bet is on the three numbers in a particular row (chip C in the diagram is betting on 28, 29, and 30); this bet pays off at 11 to 1. On the American version only, a Five Numbers bet can be made (chip D in the diagram covers 0, 00, 1 ,2, and 3); this bet pays off at 6 to 1. A Six Numbers (Traversale Simple) bet covers two rows (chip E in the diagram covers 10, 11, 12 , 13, 14, and 15); this bet pays off at 5 to 1.

A Column Bet (Colonne) covers 12 numbers (chip F in the diagram) in a column, and pays off at 2 to 1. The European tables allow a Split Column (Colonne a Cheval) that covers two columns (24 numbers); it pays off at 1 to 2. A Dozen (Douzaine) bet covers 12 numbers (chip G in the diagram covers 1 through 12); it pays off at 2 to 1. The European tables allow a Split Double (Douzaine a Cheval) where a chip covers 24 numbers; this bet pays off at 1 to 2.

Players can make Even Chance (Chances Simples) bets where the number that will come up will be red (Rouge) or black (Noir), odd (Impair), or even (Pair) or low (Manque; low numbers 1 to 18) or high (passe; high numbers 19 to 36.) These bets pay off even money.

In the American version, if the number that comes up is a 0 or 00, only single bets made on those numbers win. All Even Chance bets are lost in this case. In the European version, a 0 means the croupier “imprisons” the chips (that is, the chips stay on that bet until the next roll) but the chips lose half their value.

Books, Movies

Blackjack or “Vingt-et-un”

This game is also known as “Twenty One” and, in Europe, as “Vingt-et-un”. The house dealer asks for bets and then gives out one card face up to each player plus one for himself. Then he deals a second card face up to the players and himself. (Note that the dealing of cards face up or down varies from casino to casino) The object of the game is to reach 21 or come as close as possible without going over. The players can elect to take extra cards to get closer to 21.

An Ace in this game is worth either 1 or 11 (at the players choice); face cards (Jacks, Queens, and Kings) are worth 10; and the other cards are worth their face value. Thus, a combination of an Ace and a 10 equals 21 (this is called a “natural” blackjack and automatically wins, unless the dealer also has a natural blackjack in which case the player neither wins nor loses his bet).

If a player`s first two cards equal less than 21, he may continue to have the dealer give him extra cards (“hits”) one at a time until he elects to stand or goes over 21 (in which case he automatically loses). After all players have taken their extra cards, the dealer must give himself an extra card if his first two cards total 16 or less and he must stand if his total is 17 or more.

Any player who has a natural blackjack wins at the rate of 3 to 2 (unless the dealer also has a natural blackjack, in which case there is a tie). Any player whose card total is higher than the dealer`s wins at even odds. Any player who ties the dealer`s card total is in a tie and neither wins nor loses his bet. All hands that are less than the dealer`s total or that go over 21 lose.

There are several variations that may occur during a hand. A Split Pair occurs when a player`s first two cards are of the same value ( a pair of 9`s for example) or are both worth 10 ( a 10 and a Queen, or a Jack and a King). The player in this case can split the cards and play them as if they are two hands. Play proceeds as described above and the player can bet on both hands. If the player gets another pair, he can split up those cards for new hands, up to a maximum of 5 splits. The use of Split Pairs varies from casino to casino.

There are some limitations on Split Pairs. If Aces are split, the player receives only one card on each Ace. Also, if a player has an Ace and a 10 or picture card with a split pair, he does not have a “natural” blackjack` instead, the cards are worth 21 and if he wins, the payoff is at even money. These variations in Split Pairs differ from casino to casino.

A second variation is Double Down. When a player`s first two cards equal 9, 10, or 11, he can double his bet. In this case, he receives only one more card (the exception being that if his first total is 9 and he draws a 2, he can be given one more card).

A player may also place an Insurance bet if the dealer drew an Ace on his first card. Before anyone receives a second card, a player may bet up to half his original bet that the deal will get a natural blackjack with his second card. If the dealer does indeed get a natural blackjack, the player is paid off at 2 to 1; if the dealer does not make a natural blackjack, the player loses his Insurance bet.

Books, Movies

Baccarat and “Chemin De Fer”

Both games are similar and are often mistaken for one another. Chemin de fer offers more choice to the gambler, while baccarat has strict rules as to when a card must be taken or not (in some European casinos it is known as Punto Banco) Both games are akin to blackjack. Chemin de fer will be described first and baccarat next.

In chemin de fer, gamblers are pitted against one another. One gambler puts up a certain amount of money ahead of time in order to control the deal, or bids against the other gamblers for the privilege. He deals until his bank is broken or he withdraws. Six 52 card decks are shuffled together and placed in a device called “shoe”, from which the cards are slid out one at a time. The player dealing is called the “banker” and the other players are called “punters”. The banker tests the shoe by drawing several cards, showing them to the players and discarding them.

The players, starting with the first to the right of the banker, then place bets against the bank. The next player to the right places his bet against the bank, and so on around the table until the amount in the bank is covered or all players have placed bets. Any player may call “Banco” indicating the wishes to bet against the entire bank; should two or more players call “Banco” the first player to the right of the banker has the privilege. The banker is responsible only for the money in the bank, never for any bets that go higher than this amount.

Only two hands are dealt: the banker`s and one hand for all players. The player with the highest bet plays the hand (or the player nearest the right hand of the banker in case of a tie). The banker deals one card face-down to the player and one to himself, and then deals a second card to each hand. After the first two cards are drawn, the punter can choose to draw (carte) or pass (pas de carte); the third card is dealt face-up.

The object of the game is to come as close to 9 as possible, but not 10 (called Baccarat) or more. The face values of the cards are counted together and any 10 in the sum is ignored. Thus, a 7 and 6 equals 3 (6 + 7=13; the 10 is ignored so the value is 3) and an 8 and a 9 equals 7 (17 minus the 10 is 7). If the first two cards add up to 8 or 9, the hand is considered a “natural” (similar to blackjack). A natural 9 beats a natural 8. If the player`s hand is the winner, each of the players receives a portion of the bank equal to what he bet. If the banker wins, he takes the players` money.

In baccarat, there are strict rules as to when a card must be taken and when a player must stand. On a 0 up to 4 count, the punter must draw a card. On 5, he may stand or pass, and on a 6 or 7, he must stand. If he has an 8 or a 9 (a natural), he turns over his hands and shows it to the banker (he does not draw another card). The banker then reveals his hand and, depending on the total, draws or stands. The high hand is the winner. If the card totals are equal, the hand is thrown in and a new hand is dealt, with the punters again placing their bets against the bank. The banker may turn over the shoe to the next player at any time, saying “le banque pass.” No player is forced to be the banker. The house gets 2.5 percent of the winnings from each hand.

Baccarat does not pit one gambler against another. Instead, everyone, including the dealer, bets on the banks hand or the player hand. There is no bank; gamblers` bets are limited solely by the table minimum and maximum. Usually there are two croupiers at the table to oversee the action. They announce the cards and whether a card must be taken or not. There is really very little for the gambler to decide except of the size of the bet.

Baccarat can also be played on a table with a double layout (a deux tableaux). In this case, the banker deals out two hands, one to the left and the other to his right, as well as his own hand. Bets, which pay off even money, can be placed against either player hand or both (a cheval); precedence of who will play against the hands are from the right of the banker or frh the right hand, and to the left of the banker for the left hand.

The bankers deals out the two cards to the player`s hands before dealing his own hand. In both chemin de fer and baccarat, another card must be drawn if the first two cards are 0 through 4; a card may be drawn or not on a 5; and the hand must stand on a 6 through 9. These decisions are predetermined and all players must abide by the rules.

The banker faces certain advantages and disadvantages by playing against two hands. If one of the player`s hands is a natural and 8 or 9, the banker must observe the rules of draw for the other hand. If neither player`s hand is a natural and one asks for a draw while the other stand, the banker can draw or not. And if both players` hand are naturals, the banker must stand. The winning hand is determined as for chemin de fer.

A player who has bet on both hands wins the equivalent of his bet if both punters` hands win. He wins half his bet if one punter`s hand wins, and he loses his bet if the banker`s hand wins.