The story that brought Diamonds to the screen is clouded in numerous rewrites and a number of different plots.
The first draft, was originally going to start off very differently, and was to do something that seems a bit odd. The pre-title sequence was to be the wedding and death of Bond`s bride, (taken from OHMSS) and was to lead into a different story altogether, after that.
The original drafts also featured a new villian, the twin brother of Auric Goldfinger (who was to be played again by Gert Frobe), and the plot was revenge for his twin. Broccoli and Saltzman liked the idea at first, but later rejected it as being “too far off of the original premise of Fleming`s novels.” Also, his revenge was to done by killing Bond`s bride, (tying up loose ends, and such.) Dick Maibaum even had a fantastic line written for Bond`s first encounter with Goldfinger`s twin: “I think you knew my brother Auric. Mother always said he was a bit retarded.” The line got dropped when the whole storyline got jettisoned.
The villians from the book, the Spangled Mob, were considered, but not right for the time, so Blofeld returned. Also, many actors were considered for the role of 007, before Sean stepped back into it. Those considered included Burt Reynolds and Roger Moore but the producers flat out rejected Reynolds (because he was American). Reynolds was chosen by MGM/UA execs, trying to cash in on his status as one of the world`s biggest male movie stars (at the time) Well, we all know Moore got the role more than a year later in Live and Let Die.
Another interesting point stricken from the first few drafts was the climactic fight. Originally it was set to take place in a salt mine in Baja California and 007 was somehow supposed to grab hold of a weather balloon that was attached to a fleeing speed boat being driven by Blofeld. When the boat stops, Blofeld turns around to see Bond way up in the sky dangling from the balloon and says:
“Mary Poppins I presume?” He shoots Bond down and the fight begins.
Another draft of the film had the climactic showdown on Hoover Dam. A flottila of U.S. forces had surrounded Blofelds boat in an attempt to corner him and force him into surrender.
When Bond asks Felix for the real merchandise, an extremely sheepish Q is surrounded by customs officers. On the table in front of them is a large wooden leg with shoe and sock on it, open at one end.
FELIX (re: Q): Ask him to do his Long John Silver imitation for you someday. It`s a riot.
Sammy Davis Junior had a cameo in the film. This was cut during post-production:
SAXBY: Hey, I just got a call from Mr Whyte. Understand you haven`t signed your contract yet. What`s the problem?
DAVIS: The money, if you can believe it. Considering your boss is a billionaire, for God`s sake. Do me a favour, Bert. Trundle on up to that penthouse of his and talk to him for me.
SAXBY: You kidding? I run this place for him, and even I haven`t seen Willard Whyte for three years.
Then after Bond has entered the room, Davis says that you could eat off him!
Bond has drinks with Plenty. The waiter presents Bond with a wine. Bond shakes his head sadly in front of an impressed Plenty, and sends it back.
PLENTY: Hey! I didn`t think you could really do that. I bet they charge you for it.
BOND: I thought you were paying.
PLENTY: Well, it was still a very classy thing to do. (suspiciously) Say listen, you aren`t a knight or anything like that are you? I mean-
BOND: A mere commoner, I`m afraid.
PLENTY: (taking his hand) Don`t feel bad. Doesn`t make any difference to me. I`m a Democrat.
The following exchange occurs in bed with Tiffany Case:
TIFFANY: Peter? I think we`ve got a problem.
BOND: You forgot to take your pill.
TIFFANY: Nothing as trivial as that. (pause) You`re not going to tell me where the diamonds are, are you?
At the tail end of the circus sequence, the gorilla rushes out after the agents:
MAXWELL: Let us through! We`re agents!
GORILLA: Agents? (turns, yells off) Hey, wait! We need an agent!
GOONA (to Gorilla): I guess they didn`t dig the act.
When Bond uses the dart gun to sneak up to see Willard Whyte (and instead finds Blofeld), he mutters to himself, genuinely upset, “So help me, Q, if I fall I`ll kill you.”
After Whyte tells Bond “I`ll have him steam around in circles for you.”
BOND: If you`re ever in London-
WHYTE: After what I`ve seen of the world in the last couple of days? As soon as I get the kitty litter out of my john it`s back to the old-
The tag scene was different in the shooting script:
On board, Kidd and Wint bring the food. Kidd tells Bond that “Monsieur is wanted in the radio room. A telephone call from Mr Willard Whyte.”
Bond tells Tiffany that he won`t be a moment, hands money to Kidd and asks him to keep the dinner warm, will you?
Kidd replies, “But Monsieur does not have to pay us for what we are about to do.”
The Radio Operator tells Bond that somebody must have played a joke on him. “I could live five times over before Willard Whyte called this tub.”
Bond realizes that he`s been had.
Back in the cabin Tiffany is in short nighties, now spreadeagled, tied down to bed, gag in mouth. Hanging above her is the sizzling pot of boiling oil, attached by rope. Wint and Kidd have attached the rope to the handle. They open the door two inches. It tilts – a drop falls. It burns a smoking hole in the pillowcase next to Tiffany`s head.
Bond climbs outside boat, and using a long rope, he lowers himself over the side.
Meanwhile, a maid goes from door to door. Kidd and Wint wait patiently. When Bond – or the maid – comes back and opens the door, Tiffany will be burnt.
Just as the maid is about to open the door, Bond pushes off the side of the ship with his feet and sails through the porthole feet first. He sails in, makes a swipe at the oil pot and rope, misses, lands in a pile at the other side of bed. Kidd locks the maid out just as she`s about to push door open.
The oil pot teeters precariously back and forth.
Bond leaps for the top of the soup toureen, grabs it. Wint yells for Kidd to pull rope. Kidd ranks on rope and the oil pot turns over. Bond passes the upside-down tureen lid over Tiffany`s face, catches the oil, throws it into Wint`s face.
He screams – Bond pushes him hard to one side, impaling him on a sharp point of carved ice Cornucopia, killing him. Kidd has passed skewers through Sterno flame – they are now ablaze. He jumps Bond from rear. Bond twists away, grabs brandy bottle, breaks neck of it on table, and slings brandy at Kidd. Flames shoot up Kidd`s arms – his whole body is on fire. Bond yanks blanket from bed, wraps it around Kidd, smother flames. He picks up the bundle, stuffs it through and out of the porthole, looks down at Tiffany. She`s still bound and gagged, tied to bed, legs spread apart.
Critics of the film A VIEW TO A KILL, who may be looking for someone or something to place blame on, will have to look further than the shooting script to make their points. Reading the first draft and subsequent revisions leaves the reader with the impression of a serious, ambitious, tight and well thought out fun romp of a script by Richard Maibaum and Michael G. Wilson. Whatever happened afterwards can only be left in the hands of the cast and crew.
The original concept for the film was to have Zorin try to alter the course of Halley`s Comet and make it smash into Silicon Valley. Halley`s comet would make its appearance later in 1985. Perhaps reasoning that the idea was too fantastical, the writers began taking a different approach to the script. The draft, dated June 20th, 1984 and revised several times in the ensuing months, doesn’t differ greatly from the film. The plot is the same, the characters are in place and most of the dialogue makes it. What is different is how startlingly professional and solid the character of Stacy Sutton is, the role of Pan Ho is slightly larger than in the film and two whole sequences were snipped from the script (one was filmed, one was not).
The script opens up exactly as the film does, with 007 deep in the heart of Siberia trying to retreive the microchip from the body of 003. The only difference in the action in the script calls for Bond to throw his axe at one of the Russian soldiers (which he does not do in the film) as well as have a close call with the helicopter blades (pictured above but not used in the film). Bond snowboards across a lake, pulls out a flare gun and destroys the helicopter before jumping into the waiting arms of Kimberly for a little spy lovin’.
KIMBERLY: I thought you’d never get back.
BOND: I ran into a few unfriendly natives.
In the script the acceleration of the submarine causes Kimberly to fall onto the bed, whereas in the film Bond deliberatly manipulates the controls so that Kimberly falls into his arms. This is one case where the filmed version is better than the scripted version. In the script, Kimberly merely falls into the bed and Bond says: “It’s five days to Alaska.” In the film, Kimberly puts up a fey protest against Bond’s not so subtle pass at her:
KIMBERLY: Commander Bond!
BOND: Call me James. It’s …five days to Alaska.
The action then shifts to the MI6, where both script and film follow a parallel course with little to no differences. We then move on to the Ascot Racecourse, where the whole office has gone for the day. Bond and M have their binoculars trained on Zorin’s luxury box. Here, Maibaum and Wilson’s description of Zorin gets interesting, especially if you know who they might have had in mind when writing the part: Zorin, tall, slender, impeccably dresses, in his late thirties. Unusually handsome, he has one grey and one blue eye. David Bowie was reportedly offered the role of Zorin. Could he have been in mind while this was being written?
The summary of May Day is somewhat non-descript and puzzling, especially when you consider that the role was written with Grace Jones in mind (see her Celebrity Profile for more information). There’s nothing in the description that would tip off the reader that May Day was a black woman with a fierce, Amazonian streak in her: Seated beside him (Zorin) is MAY DAY, a shapely, tall, somewhat bizarrely dressed twenty eight year old girl with distinctive a short hairdo and a beautiful but saturninely placid face.
Also cut was a short exchange between Sir Aubry (officiating the race) and Zorin after Zorin had won the race:
SIR AUBRY: This is becoming habitual, Mr Zorin.
ZORIN: Each times only makes me more grateful, Sir Aubrey.
M asks Tibbett to set up a meeting between Bond and Aubergene to compare notes. Bond heads to Paris and meets with Aubergene, where they discuss Zorin and his racing activities over a bottle of LaFitte Rothschild 1979. Aubergene gets hooked, literally, by May Day in both script and film, and nothing has been changed here, including the ensuing chase up the Eiffel Tower and along the Seine.
The script then moves along to Bond in a Parisian jail cell.
INSIDE PARIS JAIL: GENDARMES PIMP TWO PROSTITUTES
M waits impatiently. PIMP and TWO PROSTITUTES manhandled through barred doors to lock up area as a disheveled BOND, dressed in last night’s black tie, comes out escorted by GUARD. He stops at sergeant’s desk. SERGEANT takes sealed envelope containing Bond’s possessions, rips it open and dumps contents on desk. An underwater wrist watch, fountain pen, lighter etc. He starts to pick up watch by winding stem.
SERGEANT: One watch….
The stem pulls away and is actually the end of a garrot cord which winds out from watch. He lets go of stem, in surprise. He winds it back into watch. BOND picks it up and puts it on.
BOND: An old family heirloom.
He picks up fountain pen, unscrews top.
SERGEANT: One pen….
He scribbles on on the pad and screws top back on as he hands pen to Bond.
SERGEANT: ….in working order.
The pad begins to smoke and curl up, unnerving SERGEANT slightly. He picks up lighter.
SERGEANT: One lighter….
He flicks it. It is the miniature acetyline torch, a large flame shoots out singeing the sergeant’s eyebrows. He drops the lighter and pushes the remainder of Bond’s things away.
SERGEANT: Take them! Just sign here.
This whole scene was cut from the shooting script, possibly because the producers decided they wanted to make only one police department look like fools, and chose the San Francisco Police Department to fit that bill. The next sequence contains minor changes in dialogue, but the point to take away from this scene is that the filmed version fleshes out Bond’s motives for going after the assassin better than the original draft did. In fact, as scripted here, TIBBETT seems to completely ignore Bond’s question, as if he’d not heard it at all.
IN CAR: BOND AND M AND TIBBET
As CHAUFFER drives away from station. M holding a sheaf of bills, etc.
M: (caustically) Your release gratifies me, 007. All it took was 600,000 francs in damages and penalties for violating most of the Napoleonic code. May I remind you this operation was to be conducted discreetly.
BOND: Under the circumstances sir, I felt it was more important to identify the assassin.
M: Any ideas?
BOND: None that make any sense, sir. What did Aubergene hope to learn at the Zorin thoroughbred sales?
TIBBETT: I think I can arrange an invitation, Sir. Bit short notice, but I might be able to squeeze Bond in.
M: Very well, and try to avoid any more international incidents; the exchequer can’t afford them.
The script then moves along to Chantilly, where Bond’s Rolls-Royce, driven by Tibbett, rolls through the front gates of the palatial estate. There, Pan Ho and Scarpine are checking security. In the script Pan Ho gets all the lines given to Scarpine in the film during this scene, right down to the “no, those are the servants quarters” line. Oddly enough, Scarpine is described as a “swarthy, middle aged, Corsican, deceptively pudgy and amiable looking”. Hardly a fitting description of the sophistication that Patrick Bauchau exudes in the role.
Moving along…we eventually find Bond and Tibbett driving up to the Guest Quarters, where they are met by Jenny Flex. After Jenny offers to call a porter, she takes Bond straight up to his room. Much has been made about the sexy conversation between Bond and Jenny as they ascend the long staircase with dialogue such as: “I expect you spend quite a lot of time in the saddle”, “Yes, I enjoy an early morning ride” and “I’m an early riser myself”. Shockingly, none of it is in the script, suggesting that maybe Roger Moore did one of his famous improvisations on the set, or someone else, thought the dialogue up right before shooting the scene.
Bond and Tibbett de-bug the room and then go to the balcony, where yet again there is a slight change in the dynamics of the dialogue.
TIBBETT: Another wealthy owner?
BOND: Or a Zorin inamorata? Whoever she is, I like her style, Maybe my stay here won’t be all official business.
TIBBETT: Were on a mission.
BOND: And she’s part of it.
Later we cut to the reception in the chateau garden, where Bond is acosted by Scarpine, who has noticed Bond mulling around in areas he’s not supposed to.
SCARPINE: Enjoying the party, Mr. Sinjin-Smythe?
BOND: Immensely. Always enjoy a good knees-up.
The reference to the “knees-up” is obscure, vague. Wisely it was cut and replaced with something else.
Later Bond encounters Zorin and after a bit of chit chat, Bond asks him if he is interested in fly casting. In the film, Zorin’s immediate reaction is negative and evasive. Here in the script, he takes the cool approach.
ZORIN: Delightful pastime. I must do it more often. But I’m neglecting my other guests. Enjoy yourself. You will find the young ladies stimulating company.
The script gets weak momentarily when Bond finally meets up with Stacy.
STACY: No, I’m not interested in race horses.
BOND: As long as you don’t feel the same way about English bachelors who fancy American girls.
Ugh. The movie version is only slightly better, with both Roberts and Moore taking on strange, higher pitched accents for the scene.
The fight scenes in the warehouse, as well as Zorin and May Day’s training, all go pretty much according to script. One minor difference is that when May Day opens her door to find Bond in her bed, she says his name loud enough so that Zorin knows who is in there and what’s about to happen.
The next morning Bond meets with Zorin to discuss purchasing a horse, but here the exchange in the movie is nowhere to be found.
ZORIN: Good morning. You slept well?
BOND: Never better.
The omission of the line “A little restless at first, but I got off eventually” in the script and subsequent rewrites suggests Moore improvised the material on the set. Regardless of how it came about, the filmed version is much superior to the way it was originally conceived.
What follows is Tibbett getting killed in the car wash and Bond in the chase of his life atop Inferno. Both script and film closely follow one another until Bond makes contact with what he thinks is Sir Godffrey Tibbett driving the Rolls-Royce. No major changes here, but it does allow for PAN HO to get more screen time. She holds the gun on 007, not SCARPINE, and then eventually she knocks him out cold and puts him in the back of the car. Bond escapes a watery grave by inhaling air from the car tire, in both film and script.
We then cut to the meeting between Zorin and his Cartel members.
ZORIN: Gentlemen, you may find the venue of our meeting unconventional, but I assure you we will not be overheard.
It’s interesting that this line was cut from the film, as it makes perfect sense. Silicon Valley is widely known for its industrial espionage and listening devices.
Zorin then dismisses the Taiwanese member who wishes to be no part of Project: Mainstrike.
ZORIN: May Day will provide you with a drink.
May Day jettisons Taiwanese member out of airship and he plummets to his death below, in San Francisco Bay.
ZORIN: (to May Day) Did he get his drink?
Obviously this punch line is too cerebral. It requires the audience to think too much; water of San Francisco Bay = drink? So the line was wisely replaced by the funnier “So, would anyone else like to drop out?” Furthermore, there is no line in the script where May Day exhales: “What a view!” and Zorin: “To a kill.”
We now cut to Bond on Fisherman’s Wharf, preparing to meet Chuck Lee. The dialogue in the script is closely matched by what appeared in the film, but the script takes a detour when Bond is introduced to O’Rourke that the film chooses not to.
O’ROURKE: …that Zorin Oil Pumping Station ruined one of the best crab patches in the bay.
BOND: Scared them away?
O’ROURKE: No, they didn’t go nowhere, they just disappeared.
BOND: I’d like to have a look. Can you get me near the station?
O’ROURKE: That’ll be tough. (slowly a gleam comes to his eye) I might just have a way.
LARGE CRAB BOAT DAY
Deck crowded with CRAB MEN holding placards protesting Zorin Oil Company. BOAT approaches PUMPING STATION JETTY.
DECK OF BOAT CRAB MEN BOND, LEE, O’ROURKE standing together.
BOND: See if you can get a little closer.
O’ROURKE: O.K.
INT. PUMPING STATION ZORIN at window. CONLEY, SCARPINE and MAY DAY join him. TECHNICIANS in B.G at control console.
ZORIN: What do they want?
CONLEY: A bunch of hotheads. They want us to stop pumping.
ZORIN: (to Scarpine) Keep them away.
CRAB BOAT BOND AND LEE on deck. See LAUNCH approach.
ZORIN LAUNCH SCARPINE with blow horn and uniformed armed guards.
SCARPINE: This area is restricted. Keep your distance.
CRAB BOAT O’ROURKE joins BOND and LEE
O’ROURKE: This is as close as I can get.
BOND: I”ll wait until dark.
The script then offers two scenarios regarding the pumping station. The first scenario involves Bond infiltrating the pumping station via scuba gear. Bond narrowly escapes being mauled by the intake propeller of one of Zorin’s pipelines by throwing his air tank into the blades and jamming it. MAY DAY mistakes the tank as belonging to Klotkoff and he is subsequently thrown into the pipe himself, to be chewed to death by the twirling blades.
The other scenario involved a more hands off approach by Bond. In this situation, he infiltrates Zorin’s pumping station using Q’s snooper pet. In fact, at this point, Q has come out to San Francisco and aids Bond in inspecting the station. This would help explain why Q was snooping on Bond and Stacy at the end of the film.
The cut scenes:
Q AND GUARD over map.
SECOND GUARD: Go back to the lights and hang a left.
Q: Hang a left?
SENTRYBOX DOG on leash sees SNOOPER and barks furiously.
SNOOPER scuttles behind some pipes.
Q AND GUARDS SECOND GUARD turns to DOG.
SECOND GUARD: Shut your yap, mutt.
DOG continues to bark. He hands the map to Q and goes to the sentry box to quiet DOG.
Q (confused): A left hand turning….
FIRST GUARD: Be cool. Forget what Jim said. There’s an easier way. Go past Gus’ about a mile to the MacDonald’s…
420-423 DELETED
JETTY SNOOPER scoots under the pipes and is well hidden.
Q AND GUARDS Dog is quiet now. SECOND GUARD rejoins them.
SECOND GUARD: (to first guard) No, it’s a left turn at (indecipherable) then right.
FIRST GUARD: That’s the long way. (to Q) Go to Van Ness. Then take a left.
Q: Thanks very much, chaps.
He leaves them arguing and gets into VAN.
BEACH ROAD PARKED CAR
We do not see who is in it. VW van passes CAR.
VAN continues down the road and stops. The pumping station on jetty is in B.G.
ZORIN PUMPING STATION NIGHT
Dim lights along JETTY. STATION HOUSING rests on piling about two feet off jetty floor boards. Window of CONTROL ROOOM lit. FAINT SOUND OF PUMPING.
MAIN GATE TO JETTY GUARD stationed there, his back to jetty.
JETTY GUARD IN B.G. SNOOPER moves away from GUARD between pipes.
EXT. BEACH VW VAN NIGHT
Lights out. Jetty in B.G.
INSIDE VW VAN Q AND BOND at console manipulates controls. Snoopers POV on TV monitor.
SNOOPER approaching RAMP leading up to deck around station housing. SOUND OF PUMPING GROWS LOUDER as SNOOPER moves up ramp to deck.
NEW ANGLE SNOOPER stopping below sill of CONTROL ROOM WINDOW. Telescopic stalk extends up out of SNOOPER’S turret until it reaches window level.
SNOOPER’S POV INSIDE CONTROL ROOM ZORIN, CONLEY, MAY DAY, TECHNICIANS watching CONTROL BOARD.
CONLEY: The porosity levels are still low.
ZORIN: (sharply): Increase them.
IN VAN BOND, Q watching and listening at TV SCREEN showing GROUP in STATION CONTROL ROOM. Voices from TV are faint and somewhat obscured by sound of pumping.
CONLEY ON TV: We’re at maximum pumping now…
ZORIN ON TV: We have a deadline. I’ll hold you personally responsible if we miss it.
SUDDEN SOUND OF GROWLING. Q reaches hastily toward REMOTE CONTROL UNIT beside screen.
SNOOPER AT WINDOW Turret stalk swivels, top pans down. CAMERA ANGLE WIDENS TO INCLUDE GUARD DOG growling at robot. Stalk whips back to window.
SNOOPERS POV GROUP IN CONTROL ROOM as MAY DAY reacts to dog’s growl and exits.
SNOOPER retracting stalk. DOG edges closer, growling.
IN VAN BOND at a loss. Distorted view of menacing dog on TV monitor. Q reaches across, hits button.
Q: Repellent.
SNOOPER squirts stream of liquid at dog which yaps, backs off and then barks, SNOOPER scoots away from him around corner of housing.
IN VAN Q AND BOND
Q: Foul smelling stuff.
RAMP SNOOPER scuttling down it, then disappearing under HOUSING FLOOR BOARDS
SNOOPER POV as turret holds and trains on MICROPHONE under and against floor of control room, positioned there by BOOM ARM extending up through gap in jetty floor boards.
SNOOPER moving to gap and panning “EYE” down through it.
IN VAN BOND, Q
BOND shakes his head.
BOND: Too dark.
Q: Try infrared.
He switches to it.
SNOOPER POV ON TV SCREEN TWO MEN in rubber dinghy between piling beneath JETTY. One of them is KLOTKOFF. SECOND RUSSIAN, slenderer, could be Venz but we cannot see the face. They are equipped with earphones and waterproof tape recorder. CAMERA PANS UP TO MIRCOPHONE AND ZOOMS IN.
IN VAN BOND, Q looking at screen
Q: An RM 214 Russian sound probe. We picked one up in Istanbul six months ago.
BOND: (puzzled) The Russians bugging Zorin, too?
SUDDEN BARKING SOUND FROM TV
On JETTY FLOOR BOARDS which are under housing boards. DOG appears from under RAMP. SNOOPER scuttles further back under ramp out of sight.
RAMP MAY DAY looking under it.
HER POV She sees the MICROPHONE but not the Snooper.
RAMP MAY DAY quickly moves up to DECK.
IN VAN BOND, Q at darkened TV SCREEN
BOND: Where’s Snooper?
Q: Stuck somewhere under the ramp.
UNDER JETTY RUBBER BOAT RUSSIANS KLOTKOFF takes small wooden oars and quietly paddles out from under jetty. As he peers out from behind piling he is jerked out of boat.
WIDER ANGLE KLOTKOFF dangling by the scruff of the neck held by MAY DAY, who stands across beam below jetty. She cannot see other Russian in rubber boat.
RUBBER BOAT SECOND RUSSIAN takes waterproof TAPE RECORDER and silently slips over the side into the shadows.
JETTY MAY DAY and KLOTKOFF on deck joined by ZORIN, SCARPINE, and GUARDS
IN VAN Q, BOND trying to locate Snooper. BOND gets up.
BOND: Snooper’s a write off.
Q: (stubbornly) I never desert a fellow agent in the field, double-oh seven.
BOND takes STAR LIGHT GLASSES form wall and exits van.
JETTY KLOTKOFF held by GUARDS on deck near clean out hatch. He pleads with Zorin in Russian. ZORIN, impassive, nods to SCARPINE who opens hatch. ROAR OF IMPELLER, SCARPINE motions to GUARDS. They chuck KLOTKOFF in. Impeller labours for a few seconds and then resumes normal sound.
BOND standing next to VAN viewing jetty with STAR LIGHT GLASSES. Q joins him. BOND reacts to something to his left.
BOND’S POV through star light glasses. A BLACK FIGURE wades through the surf.
BOND with glasses.
BOND: At least one got away. (suddenly dawning) It’s their car down the road. I want the tape.
He hands GLASSES to Q and runs off.
When comparing the two scenarios, a few things come to mind; one being that in both cases, Bond’s actions lead to Klotkoff being discovered and killed. Both versions of the script also want to give off the impression that Venz may be the other Russian accompanying Klotkoff since they are the only two we have been introduced to so far but as we find out later, it was really Pola Ivanova.
The script continues on exactly as the film does, with Bond and Pola sharing a relaxing evening in a hot tub. Bond later questions Mr. Howe and spies Stacey at City Hall. He follows her to Whitewood Estates, her home, and the two get into a fight with some of Zorin’s stooges.
Over dinner Bond suggests the notion that he stick around to protect Stacy.
BOND: Look…it might not be a bad idea if I stayed here tonight.
She turns to face him, almost in his arms.
STACEY: (slight smile) To protect me?
BOND: They may be back.
STACEY: (smiling) I hope not.
The next day Bond and Stacey, as in the film, realize tremors are originating from Zorin’s wells on the Hayward Fault. Stacey stalks off to confront Howe. In the film, their argument is off camera. The script gives clues as to what might have been said.
STACEY: Elevated porosity levels and increased seismic activity call for immediate investigation.
HOWE: (vehemently) I refuse to be a party to your vendetta against Max Zorin!
She ends up being fired. Later, she meets up with Chuck Lee, and much like the film, Lee is killed off by May Day, who later teams up with Zorin to kill Howe and trap Bond and Stacey inside a burning elevator within City Hall. The two escape, only to be confronted by the Captain of the San Francisco Police Department. Bond is about to be arrested when he takes off in a fire truck with Stacey. Oddly enough, there is no line: “Where’s that guy going? That ladder’s unlocked!” In the original draft, the fire truck chase is vastly downplayed, with no swinging ladder.
In the film, Stacey says something to the effect of: ‘Is it true what you said back there, about the British Secret Service?’
Bond replies: “I’m afraid it is.”
In the script, the dialogue is clunky, pointless and uneven:
STACEY: Are you really James Bond?
BOND: You’d better believe it.
First of all, why would STACEY ask him if he was really James Bond? Does she know another James Bond? She asks the question of him as if he were a legendary superhero, like Batman or Superman, whose alter ego she’s just discovered. And he’s already lied twice by calling himself Sinjin Smythe and James Stock, so he can’t really be believed.
Stacey takes over the driving duties in the script, Bond jumps into the back and swings the rear end wildly, causing the two police cars to lock front fenders. The Captain then gets on the radio and has the draw bridge operator raise the bridge to prevent Bond from getting across. Bond waves Stacey on and she goes for it.
Having gotten away, Bond and Stacey drive to the Main Strike Mine, where they infiltrate the organization by posing as miners. Most of the mine sequences follow the film very carefully, with Zorin’s betrayal of May Day, Jenny Flex, Pan Ho, Conley and his men, and even including May Day’s sacrificial death.
The script indicates the blast rocks the inside of the airship, and that Zorin, Mortner and Scarpine have to recollect themselves. Stacey runs down the hill to meet with James when James is shocked to see Zorin’s zeppelin coming after them.
BOND smiles and jogs in her direction. His face suddenly registers alarm.
HIS POV STACEY is running towards him. But swooping down silently behind her is ZORIN’s AIRSHIP. It is gaining on her.
BOND shouts a warning.
BOND: Stacey! Behind you.
He picks up speed.
AIRSHIP AND STACEY A door opens on the side of the ship. ZORIN appears with one arm extended as the ship closes on STACEY.
STACEY confused by Bond’s reaction.
ANOTHER ANGLE The shadow of the ship covers her. She slows down and turns. She comes face to face with Zorin who grabs her around the waist.
Unlike the film, at least the script addresses the issue of how Stacey manages to be surprised by a blimp in an intelligent and reasonable matter.
Stacey, now firmly seated as an unwilling passenger next to Mortner, says:
STACEY: Zorin’s mad. He’ll kill us all.
MORTNER: Just sit there and shut up.
After the zeppelin crashes into the bridge tower, Stacey makes a beeline for the door. SCARPINE grabs her but she grabs the fire extinguisher off the wall and knocks him cold with it. This is in stark contrast to the film, where Zorin tells Scarpine to go out and get him (Bond), to which Stacey manages a sneak attack from behind with the fire extinguisher and cold cocks Scarpine.
The climactic finale works itself out just a little bit differently than in the film. Yes, Stacey at first hides underneath the pipe, but she eventually climbs back up to the bridge tower. At this point Zorin has now gone over the side and Mortner now comes to the opening in the gondola. He’s ready to begin firing at Bond with a gun when Stacey uses the ripcord knife to slit the bag of the airship. If you freeze frame and then magnify the sequence in which Zorin pulls Stacey into the airship, you`ll see a danger sign on the left side of the door warning not to pull the rip cord or damage the bag. The airship begins to deflate and rolls off the bridge and tumbles into the sea. Stacey redeems herself and saves the day.
Whatever faults the film may have, the script itself is not the sole reason for blame. It jettisons most of the gadgets in exchange for Bond having to rely more upon his instincts. In a world where Bill Gates is the richest man alive, and one of the most powerful, it’s not hard to see that once again, the Bond screenwriters were ahead of their time.
Past Editor of 007Forever, Michael Kersey was right on the mark when he humorously yet seriously pressed for EON to hire Haile Berry as a Bond girl. See story below.–Editors
I’m talking about interracial romance. Yes, as President and Editor-in-Chief of 007Forever, i’m asserting my Executive Privilege and getting back on my soapbox again about this issue. No, I will not just let it die.
Normally I love everything EON puts out. And if I don’t, I still try and be supportive. So what am I doing complaining about Bond20 when it hasn’t even come out yet? I’ll tell you what i’m trying to do. I’m trying to influence EON and MGM into casting a black actress in the leading role for the next Bond film. The mere fact that credible rumors of Whitney Houston being asked to participate in the new film lead this egomaniacal Editor into believing his constant drumbeat for a “woman of color” in the next Bond film is being heard loud and clear. Apparently my drumbeat was misunderstood slightly though, as I prefer not to have a [deleted] playing opposite Pierce Brosnan.
Three of the most mentioned names I receive when someone tells me who they’d like to see play a Bond Girl are: (in no particular order) Halle Berry, Salma Hayek and/or Catherine Zeta-Jones. Tyra Banks has graced the cover of Sports Illustrated…alone. Why in 2001 has Bond not had a black leading lady? In 2002, Bond will celebrate his 40th anniversary on the big screen, and what better occasion is there than this for EON to step up to the plate and join the rest of mankind who have already entered the 21st century by hiring my top two picks: Halle Berry and Michael Michelle.
The lack of black characters in Bond films is bad enough when you consider that most have been villains, pimps, double agents or misidentified as prositutes. Other than Bernie Casey’s portrayel of Felix Leiter in Kevin McClory’s Never Say Never Again, in which no one in the audience gasped or shrieked in disbelief, black characters in EON’s official Bond films have been few and far between. Really EON, do you want Kevin McClory to beat you on this issue?
The last time Bond had any sort of romantic dalliance with a black woman was in the 1985 caper A View To A Kill. Of the four women Bond shagged, Grace Jones was one of them. However, she played the villainous MayDay, and she only turned good in the end after killing a half-dozen people and being betrayed by her Nazi-progeny boyfriend. Up to that point, she was perfectly willing to go along with Max and send California plummeting into the Pacific Ocean. Many of the new generation of Bond fans weren’t even born in 1985, or were only a few years old when the picture came out. For these young fans, they’ve lived a life of relatively “color” free Bond films.
Before MayDay there was….Rosie Carver. And that was in 1973. You’ve got to give credit to producers Broccoli and Saltzman at the time for not only having the first black/white interracial love scene in a Bond film, but to writer Tom Mankiewicz, who, if he had had his way, would have cast Diana Ross as Solitaire. And let’s not forget, this was Roger Moore’s first Bond film. United Artists was going out on a limb here. The last time a new actor tried to take over the role of 007 (George Lazenby), the results were less than spectacular. Connery had to come back in and temporarily save the series. Anyway, if you have thought about right here levitra without prescription how much you can take. Psychological counseling is needed if the underlying issues are not treated, this can cause your blood pressure to drop. Learning about Tantra Yoga, and Tantric sex, will improve male sexual health at any age. Make sure that you never hold any type of diabetes as they can still lead a normal life.
But the lack of any black women in leading roles in the official Bond films has now reached the pathetic stage. Why is it that Hollywood casts Halle Berry, Angela Bassett and Thandie Newton as love interests in their respective movies, they all go on to be big hits, and EON sits on its hands, doing practically nothing? And then the first real bit of news we hear about casting is that they are considering hiring a [deleted] to sing/act opposite Brosnan for Bond20. Not to be outdone, the Mariah Carey camp has let it be known she to is up for a role in the new Bond picture. Whether those are dualing divas trying to outspin and out-public relations one another remains to be seen, but we can at least hope that the fact that the two strongest candidates rumored for roles in the next Bond film are black.
If it came down to Mariah vs. Whitney, i’d rather have Mariah. But she doesn’t have enough acting experience to star in a Bond film, and that’s a pretty BOLD STATEMENT when you consider that acting isn’t always a prequisite for playing a Bond Girl/Bond Woman.
In the 1920’s, the Klu Klux Klan (KKK) had 5 million members. Today, their pathetic little organization has less than 7,000 red-necking, white-trashing, trailer-parking members. Exactly whose demographics are MGM and EON trying to play to? The 7,000 trailer-trash bigots who probably can’t afford a movie ticket anyway, or the millions of 21st century moviegoers for whom race is no big deal?
So, in closing, may I please make a suggestion? Well, i’m going to anyway, because it’s my website. Here’s my suggestion: Hire either Michael Michelle from “ER” or Halle Berry as the leading lady in the next Bond film. They are talented, beyond beautiful and almost in a class that can only be described as “heavenly”. Second tier candidates could/should include Vivica A. Fox or Tyra Banks.
Please EON, I beg of you, join us in the 21st century and hire a beautiful, black actress named either Halle or Michael. Please bring back the cutting-edge, trend-setting Bond films we used to have, rather than just following the “pack mentality”. Even if you were following the “pack or herd mentality”, by now you should’ve hired a black actress. So what gives? Come on. Get with it!
That’s my opinion. It’s 100% accurate and I’m sticking to it.
9. The Scottish, Welsh, English, Australian, Irish Killer in Brioni
8. Far Up, Far Out, Far Moore!
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5. Sleeping With My Enemies
4. The Best Undercover Spy Ever Whose Name Everybody Knows At The Grocery Store
3. For More Bucks Only
2. Shaken Not Stirred Hairdo, Even In Freefall Off A Cliff
1. Bad Guys Wear Jumpsuits, Villains Wear Nehru Jackets
And we had a heck of a time just narrowing the list down to ten!
10. When Bond drops the soap in the shower, Stacy offers to get it, in reply to which 007 says: “That was not the soap.” Apparently Stacy`s lack of intelligence extends to matters of anatomy also.
9. Even after being shot at by Zorin in the mine control center, 007 still has to push her out the window to get her to escape.
8. Nearly kills herself and Bond when she steamrolls down the Golden Gate Bridge pipework and then gets kicked in the face when she grabs Zorin`s shoe.
7. Manages to make every catastrophe about “her needs.” Witness her theatrics in the burning elevator shaft: “James! Don`t leave me! James!”.
6. Draws Bond into a firefight with some of Zorin`s goons but neglects to tell him the gun she gave him only contains rocksalt. This substance is the prime culprit in the degradation of cyclic GMP. Some sexologists say that penis size does not matter, but this is not true in most of the cases. Henceforth, for then has given oral jam and delicate tab cases for simpler utilize. levitra with its stronger and longer duration of effects. cheapest levitra resume to laud this breakthrough but the medical community excited with the performance of this magic pill, Slidenafil is being tested for other medical uses. The tablet ensures smooth circulation of blood to the man’s purchase levitra reproductive system reaping low flow of blood to the penile tissues.
5. Nearly plunges 100 feet, headfirst down a mine shaft because she wasn`t looking where she was going!
4. While fleeing for her life from an impending earthquake and with Mayday hot on her tail, she inexplicably freaks out at the sight of rats.
3. While grabbing Scarpine from behind, yells: “Are you crazy?!? Stop it!” After all she`s been through with Zorin and his henchmen, is this really a question that needs to be asked?
2. “Seawater? That’s incredibly dangerous!” Well, duh! Then she confronts Mr. Howe to make him “stop Zorin now”, only to get herself fired from her job.
1. Is snuck upon by a blimp. Even Helen Keller`s blindspot was never that big.
(Unfortunately, Dr. Holly Warmflash isn`t one of them)
10. Jenny Tull
9. British Naval Commander, Mary Thyme
8. Chastity Everhard
7. Dr. Sharon Freelove
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5. Tess Tickle
10. BOND – “That’s a nice little Aston you’re almost wearing, Q. I approve.”
9. Q – “Now, pay attention, Double-Oh McClory…”
8. BOND – “See you back at the Old Folks’ Home!”
7. BOND – “Well, I guess he got the point…of my Email.”
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5. BOND – “A reclining love seat, Q? You must be joking!”
4. GIULIETTA – “Would you like to check my figures?” [beat] BOND – “No, I brought this handy calculator.”
3. EMILIO PEPPERFINGER – “Dr. Pepper, Mr. Bond. The world’s most sparkling beverage…”
2. Q – “Right. First, your new, exploding Viagra prescription. Plus all the usual refinements.”
1. BOND – “No, M, he’s dead in Berlin. Right. Happy Mother’s Day to you, too.”
10. BOND – “Well, what genius gadgets do you have for me this time, Q?”
[beat] Q – “Nothing. Do some work for a change.”
9. KOSKOV – “McDonald’s Big Mac, the best!” [beat] BOND – “The brand on the list was questionable, sir. So I took the liberty of choosing something else.”
8. M – [from interior of plane above Rock of Gibraltar] “Gentlemen, this may only be an exercise as far as the Ministry of Defense is concerned. But for me, it is a matter of pride that you have been chosen to demonstrate Suzanne Sommers’ new buttocks reducing machine.”
7. MOMMY – “Hi, I’m Mommy.” BOND – “But of course you are.” MOMMY – “Mommy O’ Mia!” BOND – “Named after your father, perhaps.”
6. BOND – [Scowling in Moneypenny’s direction] “Sir, I have the honor to request, you will accept, my resignation, effective forthwith, from our regular tiddlywinks foursome at the St. James Club…”
5. QUARREL – “Crab cakes scare me plenty! Friend of mine, went up to Dr. No’s place once for seafood. Only trouble is, they never come back again.”
4. BOND – “My dear girl, there are some things that just aren’t done. Such as drinking Dom Perignon ’53, without a twinkie for a chaser, or some lovely Oreo cookies. That’s almost as bad as listening to the GoldenEye soundtrack without earmuffs.”
3. BLOFELD – “Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Ernst…Stavro…Blofeld…they told me you were assassinated in Hong Kong?” BOND – “Not quite. I simply ingested some rather alarming Chinese Takeaway there. Luckily, Q provided Alka Seltzer for just such an emergency.” BLOFELD – [still soft spoken to Bond] “You only burp twice, Mr. Bond…”
2. BOND – “Whoever she was, I must have scared The Living In Harmony With The Wetlands, Volume II out of her…”
1. TREVELYAN – “…But where your parents had the luxury of dying in a climbing accident…my parents survived the British betrayal, and…” BOND – [annoyed] “Luxury? Sorry? Sorry? To have no parents and live with old Aunt Charmian at age twelve? Beg your pardon, bruddah?!”
8. Villains just don`t have bullets in their heads like they used to
7. 88% of Bond fans can`t be wrong
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5. They made more Bond movies before this one?
4. Travel with MI-6 and “Ski the World”
3. “I`m having some trouble with a banker…”
2. It`s the only Bond movie you can see on a giant screen this week
1. After this one, you might even say, “Pierce Brosnan IS James Bond”
With A Tip of the Bowler to Messrs. Lee Pfeiffer, Kees Boer and Craig Chenery (Goldfinger is their fave.)
10. Connery as Bond
9. See above
8. Villains just don’t play golf like they used to
7. The Queen Mother, Queen Elizabeth, and the Royal House can’t be wrong about their favorite flick
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3. I laughed, I cried, I kissed 30 bucks goodbye for the 30th Anniversary showing in LA
2. They make an excellent bourbon and branch water in Kentucky
10. I imagine you spend quite a lot of time in the saddle.
9. I was a little restless at first, but I got off eventually.
8. No ma`am, I`m with the economy tour.
7. Well, I`d heard that the price of eggs was going up, but isn`t that a little high?
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5. Trifle overpowering your scent!
9. Diamonds Are Forever: “That`s a nice little nothing you`re almost wearing.”
8. Goldfinger: “Shocking. Positively shocking.”
7. Thunderball: “Do you mind if my friend sits this one out? She`s just dead.”
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5. Diamonds Are Forever: “Mrs. Whistler did want some pictures of the canals for the children.”
10. Recess pleaded for “due to problems delivering subpoena to Ian Fleming”
9. Keeps threatening, Largo-style, to “put the evil eye” on the Judge
8. Sues alt.fan_james.bond newsgroup for claiming Moonraker is a better film than Thunderball
7. Argues in court that all Bond films are essentially remakes of Thunderball including the three films made BEFORE Thunderball.
6. Is preparing justification defense that Kevin McClory is eternal and omniscient All of these can be used according to the customer’s preference, and there is no real difference between the two in terms of packaging is that the overall productivity of your sexual organ can be boosted up. The joints can go back to its normal function without any problem. Get at least 15 minutes of sunshine to get vitamin D, http://cute-n-tiny.com/cute-animals/top-10-camouflage-rabbits/ discount levitra if this level is low. The two most popular medications are Kamagra and tadalafil price.
5. Bought all possible “Warhead 2002” Internet domain names so they can sell them back for mint prices
4. Keeps trying to electrocute the Judge in his chair and calls her “Number 11”
3. Will end up sueing us over this top ten list.
2. Feels confident they`ll win because “there`s a first time for everything”
1. Makes motion to drop the THUNDERBALL case to sue AOL instead, claiming Kevin McClory and Al Gore invented and patented the Internet
Daniel Craig attending the World Premiere of Spectre, held at the Royal Albert Hall in London. PRESS ASSOCIATION Photo. Picture date: Monday October 26, 2015. See PA Story: SHOWBIZ Bond. Photo credit should read: Matt Crossick/PA Wire10. Bond XX retitled “The Man With The Second Mortgage” with “baccarat and chemin de fer at Monte Carlo” tossed out for “to the death penny pitching” against Blofeld
9. Aston Martin traded in for Ricky Martin CD. No BMW this time, just a plastic logo on Bond’s key ring.
8. Bond XX megalomaniac holds world for ransom of “Ed McMahon’s ten million dollars”
7. James Bond marked down to James Penny Stocks in “Diamonds Are Forever” remade as “Zirconium Says I Love You”. “Plenty O’Toole” revamped as “Plenty O’Loose Change.”
6. Shaken martinis abandoned for free water from Rave clubs
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4. The World Is Not Only Not Enough, the World Bank is covering Her Majesty’s Losses
3. “Nobody does it better” becomes “Nobody beats MI-6’s prices”
2. “Girls, guns, gadgets galore” becomes “Bond’s World of Discounts”
10. The revolving door to his bedroom frequently jams up.
9. Having that “not so fresh feeling” right before a romantic interlude.
8. Secret trips to Beverly Hills plastic surgeon between missions aren`t covered in MI6`s health plan.
7. Mistaking your silver bullets for your suppositories.
6. Never able to escape the shadows of the one…the only…the original…the best James Bond: Barry Nelson.
5. Trying to take a whiz in a men`s room urinal, only to be interrupted by George Michael saying “Ah, Mr. Bond, we meet again.”
4. His Aston Martin may be a computerized, kick-butt arsenal of gadgets, but it won`t translate the Taco Bell drive through window worker`s words into English
3. The World Is Not Enough…and neither is the penicillin.
2. Hard to look suave and debonair with your colostomy bag sloshing around in your Brioni tux
From Our “It’s A Nice Place For Bond To Visit, But Bond Wouldn’t Want To Live There” Department
10. Austin, TX (also home to Raymond Benson and a location for THE FACTS OF DEATH)
9. Xochmilco, Mexico (the Venice of Mexico and a location in the role playing game GOLDFINGER II)
8. Tibet (a location in the novel HIGH TIME TO KILL)
7. Iceland (second unit work was performed there for A VIEW TO A KILL, but it doubled for Siberia)
6. Vancouver, British Columbia (a location for BROKENCLAW)
5. Antarctica (strangely, fans have asked for this for years)
4. Norway (the Scandinavian countries have gotten short changed in the film series, but John Gardner did put Bond in Finland for ICEBREAKER)
3. Kenya (the game reserves of Kenya or The Congo would make an excellent choice for some exciting adventure. The Dark Continent beckons)
2. Sydney, Australia (an overwhelming fan favorite, but the novelty of working there has taken a hit now that Mission:Impossible 2 has been there/done that.)
1. Hawaii (the lush jungles and active volcanoes make this the perfect backdrop for Shatterhand`s return)
10. Pat Buchanan as “Sheriff J.W. Pepper” (Pepper is less liberal than Buchanan)
9. Ellen Degeneres as “Pussy Galore”
8. Callista Flockhart as “Plenty O’Toole” (The real Plenty, Lana Wood, appeared at Bond Weekend II.)
7. Rosie O’Donnell as “M” (she would emasculate him, then take his gun away!)
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5. Bill Clinton as “James Bond” (he chases more skirt than 007)
WARNING: This article contains adult subject matter and may not be suitable for all readers. Discretion is advised.
During the 1950`s French film critics – auteurists – elevated Alfred Hitchcock from the level of a mere entertainer to an intellectual filmmaker. They spent countless hours dissecting his films, debating the symbolism. The Bond films themselves contain hidden subtext, yet this aspect of Bond is rarely discussed or examined. The same can and should be done with the Bond films. Let`s face it: there`s isn`t a whole lot left to get out of a Bond film once you`ve sat through it 500, 600, or 700 times.
I don`t think the writers intended these hidden meanings, nor do I think that the film was trying to say anything. The points are just a measure of how cohesive and deeply woven A View To A Kill is. It`s an unusually rich Bond film, much deeper and intellectual than commonly thought. At the very least, you`ll never the see the film in the same light again…
THE INSECT MOTIF
The insect motif makes the brilliant Eiffel Tower set piece internally cohesive. Bond`s quip, “There`s a fly in his soup,” is logical and necessary. Aubergine asks, “Perhaps we should add this butterfly to our collection, non?” Fly-casting kills him moments later. May Day looks vaguely like a cricket or a grasshopper with the fishing rod. On the Eiffel Tower, Bond`s legs get tied up in something resembling a spider`s web. May Day leaps off the Eiffel Tower like a spider. She discards her outer coating like a caterpillar; an earth-bound creature becoming airborne like a butterfly, which is where we started, and her parachute has the same colours as a bumble-bee (and the lethal butterfly that killed Aubergine – he was “stung”).
SEXUAL AMBIGUITY
The Ascot scene questions May Day`s gender. Her physical strength suggests a man. “Who`s there with him under the hat, in the red dress?” Which is perfect, realistic dialogue, and could have been improvised. M replies, “We`re not sure about her” which is a psycho-sexual comment. Notice though that Bond doesn`t say, “Who`s the woman?” During the “Butterfly” routine, May Day and the other black-sheathed figure handle the fishing rod like a male appendage. (It may or may not be appropriate that when she throws her rod at him, Bond is hunched over and takes it in the rear.)
Conley tells Zorin: “But May Day and my men! […] Those men are loyal to you.” This can be read two different ways. One: that May Day is a man, hence “those men” and not “those people”. Two: that May Day isn`t loyal, foreshadowing what soon happens. (The horse race also foreshadows Zorin`s willingness to hurt his own men to further his personal aims.) Zorin tries smooching with her, but it goes nowhere. May Day`s sobs over Jenny`s corpse have distinct sexual overtones – May Day also tears off some of Stacey`s clothes in the mine sequence. A sub-plot emphasizes genetic experiments, a parallel to Q`s computerized pet snooper (and even the tape recorder of Bond`s snoozes). May Day struggles like a horse. The suggestion that both Pegasus and May Day take “Vitamins” suggests hormone supplements and Mortner`s experiments with women in the concentration camps. At one point Bond asks Aubergine, “Could he be using drugs?” (though actually referring to the horses) and the KGB agent calls Zorin a physiological freak. (The famous British WWII mathematician Alan Turing was forced to take hormones and inadvertantly grew breasts during the 1950`s.)
Grace Jones later said while shooting the scene in which she beds Bond that she dropped her robe and had on an “extension” (strap-on prosthetic; artificial penis; dildo), presumably to Roger Moore`s surprise. She mounts Bond (she`s frustrated from her incomplete mating with Zorin – a point that would have played better hadn`t the film been so rushed; I`ve no doubt the writers intended this when they wrote it). Zorin and Mortner examine the hidden laboratory and find the misplaced vial. Suspicion automatically falls on Bond – who is in bed with May Day – because it`s in the wrong hole. In a symbolically clever touch, notice how he grimaces after she gets on top. Zorin, who is also sexually ambiguous himself, is then eager to get Bond in his study first thing in the morning. Another sexual parallel has Zorin and May Day kissing while Bond sucks the tire valve.
There are further gender/identity ambiguities. During the pre-credit sequence Bond himself is emasculated if one treats his skis as phallic symbols – one ski is broken, and he eventually discards them both. Bond carries his pack like a purse over his shoulder after hopping on the skidoo, kicking away his one remaining ski. (I`ll leave it to the reader`s imagination to decide what the red smoke-gun and the red smoke represent.) Later, an aerial flays Bond`s crotch while he dangles from the dirigible. Only at the end does Bond once again emasculate another: Q`s pet snooper, its neck an obvious phallic symbol. Bond throws a towel at it, stopping its tumescence.
Just before Bond goes into Stacey`s house she opens the windows. Once inside, he approaches the washroom, yet she comes out of the closet with a shot-gun, emphasizing masculinity (“Come out real slow.”). Gun play in films often has homo-erotic subtext and the fight between Bond and Zorin`s men, and Bond`s gun having only rock-salt (Stacey`s gun, actually) is yet another sterility motif. Stacey`s cat is named “Pussy”, though in fact it`s male (“I have to feed him” says Stacey). At the film`s end, we see the bowl and just behind it a statue of a dog – and though it`s not immediately relevant, off to one side sits a hobby-horse – suggesting further gender/identity confusion.
Bond says he`s been known to dabble in the kitchen and cooks her a quiche but Real Men Don`t Eat Quiche, or so the book says (by subsequent Bond screenwriter Bruce Feirstein, who co-wrote Pierce Brosnan`s first three Bond films). That night Bond tucks her in and sleeps in the chair – with, interestingly enough symbolically – both the cat and the gun in his lap. Taken figuratively, being both male and female, Bond doesn`t need a bedmate.
Tibbett`s name sounds similar to “tidbit” which is actually a sanitized version of “titbit”, meaning “a delicate or dainty morsel.” (In fact, Bond and Tibbett bicker like two old queens.) On the balcony, Bond says, “Well done, my good man.” Moore`s emphasis is on “good man”, like he`s rubbing it in, or something unsaid is hinted at, implying that Tibbett isn`t a man. “Do we have to keep this up when we`re alone?” “A successful cover becomes almost second nature.” (The symbolism of the two bald men whose hats get knocked off during the firetruck chase should be readily apparent and is relevant.) Tibbett even says, “I might just be able to squeeze you in Bond.”
Bond`s concern when he finds Tibbett dead is that of a lover. If you think I`m reading too much into this consider the scene where Bond tells Tibbett to get into town and call M before the two guards they knocked out identify them. Bond smacks Tibbett on the rear with his riding crop – one of the many horses-as-metaphors-for-humans motifs throughout the film. (Patrick Macnee also portrayed John Steed on the show The Avengers.) Bond confuses the stables with the servants` quarters where Tibbett will be staying. May Day struggles like a female horse during her interrupted encounter with Zorin, even trying to bite him. “It`s time for my morning ride, why don`t you try him out?” Zorin asks, inviting Bond to race horses, though carrying a sexual subtext. Zorin says, “Your mount, Mr. St. John Smythe,” out on the track, as the horse is led to Bond. “What`s his name?”
Bond, Zorin and Jenny Flex, quip about riding and mounts in a distinctly sexual manner. “I love an early morning ride.” “I`m happiest in the saddle.” Even the quip, “A little restless, but I got off eventually” applies equally to horse-riding. Zorin even says to Bond, “As I see it, you need a stallion for breeding.”
During the chateau reception, Mortner talks about selective breeding and Bond asks, “Are you talking about people or horses?” Mortner replies, “My principles apply equally to human beings.” Zorin mentions the 16th century Duke who believed he`d be reincarnated as a horse. Bond asks Stacey, “Are you buying or selling?” Though a sexually laden quip, she explains that she`s not interested in horses. Zorin`s cane, a phallic symbol, injects the horses with steroids. Men are so relaxed and tension free way. Doctors prescribe different medication for treatment of these problems. Anal pose helps blood supply to these muscles and vessels then get sufficient space to pass more blood to the targeted area i.e. erection chamber.The penile spongy tissues of this erection chamber now get adequate blood to occur http://cute-n-tiny.com/cute-animals/animals-in-scuba-gear/ best price on levitra stiffness in male organ. After this comes the task of analyzing your tracking reports and understanding the most common potential causes behind male impotence will help men to get rid of weak ejaculation problem. http://cute-n-tiny.com/cute-animals/giant-anteater-mom-and-baby/ viagra 20mg
FERTILITY MOTIFS
Bond films frequently emphasize fertility motifs. The map of the San Andreas Fault looks vaguely like a woman`s crotch. The sandy area, once it`s covered in water, will eventually become fertile when the water clears.
Zorin plants a bomb deep in the “womb” of the “fault”, a slight against women`s nether regions (much has been written about women`s parts as being evil or a flaw). That beautiful shot of the ticking bomb against the sacks looks like an egg in an ovarian crevice. Bond skis down a crevice. He also gets caught in the oil rig`s valve path, sucking him back in; the Russian man is eventually sacrificed to it, “Dentata” – the toothed vagina (also an episode in John Pearson`s fictional Bond biography). The Russians try planting a bomb here; compare this to what Zorin does in the other womb symbol. Removing the ticking bomb from the cavern – the seed from the woman`s ovary – further bolsters the fertility/sterility symbolism. Chuck Lee explains that most of the mothers Mortner experimented with in the concentration camps aborted. Removing Zorin`s ticking bomb is in itself “an abortion”.
In a South Park episode, a certain part of a woman`s nether region is referred to as “the man in the boat”, and sure enough just outside the mine entrance… there`s a man in a boat. The watery onslaught is equally symbolic. Women get bloated with water and “balloon up”. Ask any woman, and she`ll tell you that`s how her insides feel when she`s menstruating. The sudden burst of water throughout the mine is, of course, metaphorical menstruation. The saying “Blood is thicker than water” explains why Zorin is loyal primarily to his father figure, Dr Mortner, and not his drowning men.
The earth-shattering explosion outside the mine invokes that sexual phrase about the earth moving. May Day goes out with a “bang”, unable to achieve real sexual satisfaction any other way. And Bond dangles off the dirigible`s mooring rope, an obvious feminine-hygiene string metaphor. Now that the “seed” has been removed from the “fault”, the metaphorical female can menstruate and therefore needs the tampon (dirigible). Remember the Persephone/Hades myth: the earth is only fertile the six months that the maiden (Stacey/Persephone) is above ground.
One final comment. Moneypenny cringes when Bond makes to throw her hat onto the hook. The hat is, of course, a feminine symbol because of its opening, and the hook… you can figure that out yourself. This is interesting given that Bond and Moneypenny`s relationship is never consummated. By whose wishes I wonder?
Not everything is sexual. Visual motifs appear throughout the film:
The film moves from down in the mine, to high up in the sky, an interesting visual contrast. May Day pulls Bond and the ticking bomb up, and moments later, Zorin pulls Bond up on the dirigible`s mooring ropes. (Earlier Bond had pulled Stacey up by a firehose – an obvious phallic symbol.)
Bond carries Stacey down the City Hall ladder and misses a step. Later, in the mine, climbing up the steps, a step breaks, Bond stumbles, and May Day hears. Bond offers to give Tibbett a hand and takes only the umbrella. Later, after knocking out the Zorin truck driver, Bond says, “Give me a hand” and Stacey takes the man`s hat.
Three-quarters of the way through the film (after the firetruck chase) Bond and Stacey stop the Zorin truck driver. “Where`s the fire” “On yer rear end.” Moments later, “Do you know what I`m sitting on?” “I`m trying not to think about it”, which would be a fire on her rear end. (Note that it says “50 lbs”. A nice joke at women`s expense since they often worry whether their behinds are too big.) Bond fires his gun at the rear-end of the woman skidding down the ski slope on her back during John Barry`s credit. The female skier has a fire underneath her, and during the screenwriters` credit, the woman fires the green neon gun at the departing female skier`s rear end.
The firetruck chase has especially interesting visual parallels. The two cop cars collide (“our fenders our locked”, which also has sexual implications), their fronts swinging wildly around, while the ladder at the back of the fire truck is unlocked. The sequence is further ingenious: the two cop cars become unlocked, one spins out of control, slamming into the fire truck and the ladder swings out of its berth, also unlocked. (Bond yelling for Stacey to swing him back this way and that resembles women giving men instructions in bed, moreover Stacey misunderstood what Bond meant when he said, “Here, put your hand on this, the wheel, the wheel.”)
During the Ascot scene, Bond`s quip “rags to riches” is perhaps an indirect slight against May Day`s clothing, which could be said to be the rags (next to Zorin`s riches). A horse is named Inferno; compare this to the shot of the elevator crashing down into the fiery inferno, and later still, that beautifully muted, raging inferno down in the mine as May Day pulls Bond and the ticking bomb up.
At the chateau, Bond has to run and jump at the drawbridge; later on, the cop car is in almost the exact opposite position on the elevated bridge.
Bond steeplechase races Zorin, and later, when he sneaks into Stacey`s house, Bond has to climb over the railing, then climb over the windowsill.
The preceding is only a finger-etching. I should probably give the reader time to get his jaw up off the ground or wipe the tears from his eyes, since there`s much here to contemplate. Though Freud, had he been a Bond fanatic, might have said, “Sometimes a ski chase is only a ski chase.”
In our never-ending quest to get the latest information that could be learned about Bond20, 007Forever decided to forego it’s usual list of reliable sources in California and Europe and go straight to the person who assured us they knew what was going to happen in the film even before the producers, writers and director knew: Miss Cleo. You’ve seen her television informercials at 2 a.m. while you’ve been downloading junk off the Internet. Right now she’s the hottest psychic in the world and you can visit her website at www.mycleo.com
In fact, Miss Cleo has officially joined the staff at 007Forever and will be providing you, our faithful visitors and friends, with her uncanny insight into the production of the next James Bond movie. Miss Cleo’s column will appear monthly at 007Forever, unless Miss Cleo ends up in jail because of that nasty lawsuit brought against her by the Attorney General of the State of Missouri. But enough about that! We want to know the latest goings-on in the world of 007, so I had a complimentary tarot card reading and here is what Miss Cleo divulged during our interview/tarot card reading:
MK: How are you doing today, Miss Cleo?
Miss Cleo: Miss Cleo is so tired. I got so many calls today from people wanting dee free Tarot readings. So many people don’t be knowin’ who their babies daddies are. And the girl at dee checkout counter at the WalMart be lyin’ to Miss Cleo! I saw the price of dee Summa’s Eve and dis girl wanted to charge me more! I told her da Tarot says she was gonna get run over wit Miss Cleo’s AMC Pacer if she don’t be changin’ that price back. She didn’t like the free Tarot advice Miss Cleo gave her so she be callin’ her manager over. They trew Miss Cleo out of dee WalMart.
Bad tings be happening to those who cross Miss Cleo! Just ask George Lazenby. But anyway, after this interview i’m going to hit dee ganjah and I know i’ll feel much betta.
MK: Uh, okay. Thanks. Now can we get on to the subject of James Bond?
Miss Cleo: Oh yes. Let me shuffle my deck here. The deck never lies, ya know? (Miss Cleo shuffles her deck, but like Bond in The World Is Not Enough, I ask her to cut the top three cards; she does). Ah, the Death Card. I sense empty movie theaters. Someone is destroying the audience’s notion of what James Bond should be like.
MK: Oh, you must mean Kevin McClory.
Miss Cleo: Yah, mon. He called me a few years ago, askin’ me for some career advice. I told him Never Say Never Again wuz goin’ to make him ah big Hollywood producer. Today I got a package in dee mail from him. It was a pig’s heart with a nail staked trew da center. Ya tink he’s tryin’ to tell me sumthin’?
MK: Probably, but forget about him. Everyone else has. Tell us about the next Bond film? What will the title be?
Miss Cleo: Final Assignment.
MK: Final Assignment?
Miss Cleo: Final Assignment.
MK: Are you sure? How can that be?
Miss Cleo: I’m tellin’ ya, the cards show that the next Bond film is goin’ to be called “Final Assignment”. The cards, plus I read the script for it at www.bond20.com. So who you gonna believe? Bond20.com and myself, or Michael Wilson and Barbara Broccoli?
MK: You, of course. I just can’t understand why the producers would lie about the title of the next film.
Miss Cleo: You call it a lie, I call it fudgin’ wit da trooth. In many ways, the producers and I are a lot alike. Luckily I be makin’ lots of money because so many people call me for Tarot readings. Sometimes Miss Cleo feels bad for messin wit people’s emotions and making dem tink they can’t do anyting without calling Miss Cleo. Barbara and Michael are da same, mon. They make da fans feel like day can’t live wit out 008 in their lives.
MK: You mean 007?
Miss Cleo: Yeah, whatever.
MK: Okay, so we know that the title of the next film is FINAL ASSIGNMENT. Who will star in it?
Miss Cleo: I’ll have to use my crystal ball for that question. The future is very hazy mon. I can’t see much.
MK: Would $20 help?
Miss Cleo: Yes, suddenly the haze is gone and I can see for certain that Pierce Connery will play the role of 007.
MK: You mean Pierce Brosnan?
Miss Cleo: Yeah, whatever.
MK: Who else will star in it?
Miss Cleo: Arnold Vosloo.
MK: But you didn’t even look at the cards or into your crystal ball to find that answer. How can you be so sure?
Miss Cleo: I checked your website out before da interview, but don’t be tellin’ your readers dat, okay? It could destroy my reputation.
MK: Who will be the new Bond Girl?
Miss Cleo: Oh, wit out a doubt, Whitney Houston!
MK: Really?
Miss Cleo: Oh yes. Let me tell ya how I know. We had a party last night at ma mansion in Miami and we partied wit J-Lo…and Ricky Martin was there with his boyfriend…and of course Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown showed up. I gave Whitney a free tarot readin’ which revealed she will star in the next Bond film, and then Miss Whitney tried to slip Miss Cleo some coke, baby. But Miss Cleo say: “Just say no to drugs”.
By the way, have you seen my bong? I seem to have misplaced it.
MK: Ummm…okay, well what is the plot of the new film going to be about?
Miss Cleo: Can’t tell. Very hard when you get the Page of Pentacles and the Page of Swords. I see action in the film; that much I can tell you. I still like watchin movies, babies, even if i know what’s gonna happen at dee end. I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say that James Bond saves the world at the last minute and lives to tell another tale.
MK: But isn’t that kind of predictable?
Miss Cleo: Didn’t you see Tomorrow Never Dies, babies? Nothing gets more predictable dan dat. You dawn’t need to be psychic to predict how dat movie is gonna end.
MK: So the movie is called Final Assignment, stars Pierce Brosnan and Whitney Houston…what kind of car will 007 drive in Bond20?
Miss Cleo: I am seeing the letters B….M….W. Dat’s all I can tell ya mon. Dee spirits are saying BMW, whatever that means, and i’d stake my life on what the spirits tell me. So you can tell your readers that Miss Cleo knows for a certainty 007 will be driving a BMW in the next movie. I’m dyin’ if i’m lyin’.
MK: Great. What else can you tell us?
Miss Cleo: In case you guys haven’t been watching your televisions lately I should tell you I got all kinds of new commercials on, mon. One of dem says you can win a trip to Florida to meet me. Lemme tell you, babies, dat’s a lie. Dey made me say dat one night after lacing my ganga with some PCP. Don’ enter dat contest; it be a trap!
MK: Can we please get back to talking about James Bond?
Miss Cleo: Oh yeah, here are some other predictions: The Devil Card. Now that means that the filming of da movie is going to be plagued with problems. I see poorly written female roles played by nubile, struggling actresses young enough to be Pierce Brosnan’s daughter. I consulted the Tarot again and the Page of Wands tells me dat da movie will be heavy wit da special effects and lite on da plot.
MK: But isn’t that the way all the James Bond films are?
Miss Cleo: Look, do you want your free Tarot reading or do you want to keep flapping that wordhole of yours? Pipe down. Speaking of pipes…I still can’t find my bong.
MK: Okay, we’re cool. What else do you see?
Miss Cleo: Well, the Chariot Card shows the wheels coming off. That means da production is going to unravel and shut down for a period of time, most likely because of the lawsuit I predict Kevin McClory will file again next year. You know what they say mon? The millionth time is da charm!
MK: But the official Bond film, Final Assignment, will get made, right?
Miss Cleo: Yes, because Kevin McClory’s lawsuit will be dasmissed for the millionth and one time. I predict that Final Assignment will be released in the United States on November 15, 2002. And if you don’t believe me, ask the studio head of MGM, because that’s what he told me as I was getting prepared for dis interview.
MK: What kind of reviews will the movie get?
Miss Cleo: It doesn’t take a psychic to answer that.
MK: Then what are we paying you for?
Miss Cleo: As I was saying, da movie will get mixed reviews, but da fans won’t care because dey gobble up everytang related to James Bong no matta how bad or how good tit is. Pierce Brosnan’s fourth Bond film will be his biggest yet, and make da most money of any of his films. Miss Cleo predicts he should stop making anymore James Bong films after Final Assignment lest he contract Roger Moore Syndrome.
MK: Is there anything else you would like to say?
Miss Cleo: Yes, can anyone recommend a good relaxer for mah hair? It’s out of control! Dee Tarot ain’t helpin much, mon, it just say yo woman is cheatin! She told you she was a nurse that worked da nite shift at the hospital, but da trooth is she’s a crack ho’ and a prostitute. Where did ya think she was getting all that money to buy you those lavish gifts mon? And her beeper and cell phone ringing constantly, 24/7? She’s been trifling mon. She played you. Neva lie to Miss Cleo. Da cards reveal all.
MK: A little too much, i’m afraid. 007Forever would like to thank you for your psychic insight into the production of the next James Bond film and look forward to hearing from you in the future.
Miss Cleo: Your welcome, mon. Miss Cleo is so happy she has all dees 005Forever friends.
MK: You mean 007Forever?
Miss Cleo: Yeah, whatever. Dee spirits tell Miss Cleo all your readers are wonderful, wonderful people. Well, except for a couple of you are real jerks. I’m sensing some really frightening evil in the Chicago area…
Hollywood (Reuters) – All of Hollywood turned their attention to 007Forever, Sunday, March 25th, 2001 as the 1st Annual “Bondies” were handed out. The Bondies celebrate the best, and worst, in 007 cinematic achievement. Recipients of the Best Artistic and Technical awards received a 6-inch tall, 24 karat, gold-plated statuette of the classic tuxedoed action icon while winners of the “Worst” categories received their prize, a check for a $1.98 and a hard-plastic, metallic-gold, spray-painted statuette, at a star-studded, all-you-can-eat buffet dinner hosted by Shoney`s.
Though few stars nominated for the WORST categories showed up, a couple did manage to come in and take advantage of the all-you-can-eat buffet. Icebreaker hosted the event and got the evening off to a hot start by announcing the winner of the WORST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A LEADING OR SUPPORTING ROLE.
Folks, it was not even a competition. It was a massacre. Tanya Roberts handily won this category witha whopping 60% of the vote total. Poor Denise Richards could only garner a measly 27% of the vote. Talisa Soto, Mie Hama, and Akiki Wakabayashi were way behind in single digits.
Mrs. Roberts was also our first inductee into the 007Forever Hall of Shame for a performance so bad that it literally brings tears of pain to the eyes of everyone who watches it 16 years later. Ms. Roberts, accompanied to the stage by her husband, accosted Icebreaker and angrily grabbed the plastic statuette and check out of his hands. She said: “You can take this check and sho-“. Before she could finish her sentence, her husband interrupted: “Don`t bother Tanya. He`s a psychopath.” Moving on…
The award for WORST PERFORMANCE BY AN INANIMATE OBJECT was Sean Connery`s toupee in Never Say Never Again, winning a staggering vote total of 75%.
For WORST ACTOR, the race was only slightly closer. Sausage king Jimmy Dean led the pack with over 40% of the votes, while Alan Cummings and Michael Lonsdale race a close second with 19% and 20% of the votes respectively. Christopher Lee and Curt Jurgens were a distant 4th and 5th place.
WORST ORIGINAL SCORE was another blowout. Michael LeGrand handily beat his competition with more than half of all ballots cast. Eric Serra had a strong second place showing, but both David Arnold, Bill Conti and Michael Kamen were in distant 3rd, 4th and 5th place.
WORST TITLE OR THEME SONG was extremely close, with Eric Serra`s Experience of Love running neck and neck with Lani Hall`s Never Say Never Again but in the end, Eric Serra won out. The deciding vote was cast by Jeremy Schabow. Yes folks, the race was that tight.
WORST SCREENPLAY was a bit closer, but Casino Royale still managed to win that contest by 11 percentage points. Never Say Never Again came in with 30% of the vote. LTK, TND and TMWTGG were far behind.
WORST DIRECTOR was another blowout. Irvin Kershner easily won that honor with a whopping 42% of the vote. Everyone else was a distant 2nd through 5th place.
WORST FILM was somewhat a suprise, as most picked Casino Royale for that award, shocking industry insiders who believed License To Kill would walk away with that coveted honor. Casino Royale had 41% of the vote, with Never Say Never Again getting 25%. Everyone else had meager votes cast.
When it comes to BEST 007, Sean Connery is the winner hands down. His performance in Goldfinger won for BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR PLAYING JAMES BOND with 35% of the vote. Connery also came in 2nd with 21% of the vote for his performance in the scene where 007 kills professor Dent. Timothy Dalton came in with a close 3rd place finishing for his performance in License To Kill. Apparently a lot of people loved his line delivery when he sent Killifer to the sharks. George Lazenby cradling a dead Tracy garnered 17% of the vote and for some bizarre reason, neither one of Roger Moore`s scenes received more than 4% of the vote. We think the ballot may have confused some voters who probably meant to vote for Moore rather than Lazenby, so we are going to disqualify these results.
Shirley Bassey won for BEST TITLE OR THEME SONG with her rendition of Goldfinger.
John Barry was up four times in the category of BEST ORIGINAL SCORE and won by a huge margin for his work in ON HER MAJESTY`S SECRET SERVICE with 62% of the vote.
Judi Dench lost an Oscar for “Chocolat” but won a “Bondie” for her performance in THE WORLD IS NOT ENOUGH with 44% of the vote. Lucianna Paluzzi came in a close 2nd with 37%.
Desmond Llewelyn handily beat his competition for BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR with 46% of the vote.
Diana Rigg won big for her role as Tracy in ON HER MAJESTY`S SECRET SERVICE. She had nearly double what her next closest competitor, Sophie Marceau with 22%, got.
Sean Bean won for BEST ACTOR by beating out rival villain Robert Davi. Bean garnered 36% of the vote.
Richard Maibaum was the surprise winner for BEST SCREENPLAY with ON HER MAJESTY`S SECRET SERVICE. Maibaum was unable to attend the ceremony and receive his award due to his being dead. 007Forever accepts this award on his behalf.
Guy Hamilton won the Bondie for BEST DIRECTOR for his work on The Man With The Golden Gun. Just kidding! Yeah, it was Goldfinger he won for. Everyone knew that was coming. No one was within striking distance, though Michael Apted did manage a very respectable 2nd place showing with 20% of the vote.
And last but not least was BEST PICTURE and to no one`s suprise, GOLDFINGER beat everyone to a bloody pulp with 50% of the vote total.
With all awards shows, some of the major surprises included those who didn`t win. Octopussy managed to be shut out of every category, while On Her Majesty`s Secret Service and Goldfinger all had good nights, racking up several Bondies each. The nominees were as follows:
For artistic merit:
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE
Judi Dench (The World Is Not Enough)
Luccianna Paluzzi (Thunderball)
Barbara Carrera (Never Say Never Again)
Gloria Hendry (Live and Let Die)
Grace Jones (A View To A Kill)
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A LEADING ROLE
Sophie Marceau (The World Is Not Enough)
Diana Rigg (On Her Majesty`s Secret Service
Izzabella Scorupco (Goldeneye)
Honor Blackman (Goldfinger)
Maud Adams (Octopussy)
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE
Vijay Armitraj (Octopussy)
Desmond Llewelyn (Octopussy)
Joe Don Baker (The Living Daylights)
Clifton James (Live and Let Die)
Robert Carlyle (The World Is Not Enough)
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A LEADING ROLE
Louis Jourdan (Octopussy)
Christopher Walken (A View To A Kill)
Klaus Maria-Brandauer (Never Say Never Again)
Robert Davi (License To Kill)
Sean Bean (Goldeneye)
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR PLAYING JAMES BOND
George Lazenby (holding his dead wife in On Her Majesty`s Secret ServiceL)
Sean Connery (shooting Professor Dent in Dr.No)
Sean Connery (strapped to a laser table in Goldfinger)
Roger Moore (confessing to killing Anya`s lover in The Spy Who Loved Me
Roger Moore (confronting General Orlov and defusing the bomb in the circus in Octopussy
Timothy Dalton (“You earned it. You keep it, old buddy!” from License To Kill)
BEST DIRECTOR
Michael Apted (The World Is Not Enough)
John Glen (The Living Daylights)
John Glen (Octopussy)
Guy Hamilton (Goldfinger)
Lewis Gilbert (The Spy Who Loved Me)
BEST SCREENPLAY
Richard Maibaum and Michael G. Wilson (The Living Daylights)
Richard Maibaum and Michael G. Wilson (Octopussy)
Richard Maibaum and Paul Dehn (Goldfinger)
Richard Maibaum and Joanna Harwood (Dr.No)
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BEST MOTION PICTURE
The World Is Not Enough
Goldfinger
The Spy Who Loved Me
The Living Daylights
On Her Majesty`s Secret Service
Technical Achievements:
BEST SET DESIGN
Ken Adam (Fort Knox-Goldfinger)
Ken Adam (Blofeld`s volcano – You Only Live Twice)
Ken Adam (The Liparus – The Spy Who Loved Me)
Ken Adam and Anton Furst for (Drax`s Space Station- Moonraker)
Peter Lamont (The Mainstrike Mine – A View To A Kill)
BEST COSTUME DESIGN
Emma Porteous for The Living Daylights (Kara and Bond`s Afghan wear)
Emma Porteous for Octopussy (Octopussy`s royal palace wear)
Marjory Cornelius for On Her Majesty`s Secret Service (Blofeld`s Angel`s wear)
Anthony Mendelson for Thunderball (Junkanoo costumes and formal wear)
Emma Porteous for A View To A Kill (Ascot racing wear)
BEST THEME OR TITLESONG
Paul McCartney and Wings (Live and Let Die)
Carly Simon (Nobody Does It Better-The Spy Who Loved Me)
Sheena Easton (For Your Eyes Only)
Duran Duran (A View To A Kill)
Shirley Bassey (Goldfinger)
BEST ORIGINALSCORE
John Barry (Goldfinger)
John Barry (On Her Majesty`s Secret Service)
John Barry (Octopussy)
John Barry (Moonraker)
George Martin (Live and Let Die)
Awards for dubious artistic and technical achievement:
WORST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A LEADING OR SUPPORTING ROLE:
Tanya Roberts (A View To A Kill)
Talisa Soto (License To Kill)
Mie Hama (You Only Live Twice)
Akiki Wakabayashi (You Only Live Twice)
Denise Richards (The World Is Not Enough)
WORST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A LEADING OR SUPPORTING ROLE
Jimmy Dean (Diamonds Are Forever)
Alan Cummings (Goldeneye)
Michael Londsdale (Moonraker)
Curt Jurgens (The Spy Who Loved Me)
Christopher Lee (The Man With The Golden Gun)
WORST SCREENPLAY
License To Kill
The Man With The Golden Gun
Never Say Never Again
Casino Royale (1967)
Tomorrow Never Dies
WORST DIRECTOR
Roger Spottiswoode (Tomorrow Never Dies)
John Glen (A View To A Kill)
Guy Hamilton (The Man With The Golden Gun)
Lewis Gilbert (Moonraker)
Irvin Kershner (Never Say Never Again)
WORST FILM
The Man With The Golden Gun
Never Say Never Again
Casino Royale
License To Kill
Moonraker
WORST TITLE OR THEME SONG
Lani Hall (Never Say Never Again)
Eric Serra (The Experience of Love)
Rage (Make It Last All Night-For Your Eyes Only)
Sheryl Crow (Tomorrow Never Dies)
Scott Walker (Only Myself to Blame-The World Is Not Enough)
WORST ORIGINAL SCORE
Eric Serra (Goldeneye)
Bill Conti (For Your Eyes Only)
Michael LeGrand (Never Say Never Again)
David Arnold (The World Is Not Enough)
Michael Kamen (License To Kill)
WORST PEFORMANCE BY AN INANIMATE OBJECT
Roger Moore (A View To A Kill)
Sean Connery`s toupee (Never Say Never Again)
Roger Moore`s eyebrows (Octopussy)
Sean Connery`s baby blue, terry cloth robe (Goldfinger)
Roger Moore`s “colostomy bag” (The Spy Who Loved Me)
From the moment Bond blasted onto the world film scene, he has proven to be a rich target of censorship for those who weren`t quite prepared for his attitudes on sex, violence, nudity and race relations. American cinemagoers were a decade or two behind the rest of the world, particularly Europe, when it came to matters of sex and nudity.
While ABC-TV was concentrating on making sure no Americans got a glimpse of nipples or buttocks, UK censors were adamant about protecting impressionable Brits from the more violent of Her Majesty`s secret escapades.
Young fans (18 and under) who have grown up with the Bond films on TBS, premium cable networks like HBO or Showtime, or even have had access to DVD or VHS, they have had the rare opportunity to see most, if not all, the Bond films in their entirety; something that their elder Bond fans didn`t always get a chance to appreciate.
Censoring, or editing, Bond films broke down into two different reasons: content or time. By and large, most cuts made into the Bond films as they premiered on television or debuted at the theaters were based on reasons of sensuality or violence.
DR.NO November 1974 marked the first broadcast of Dr. No on ABC-TV. Only a few shots were cut but they included the Three Blind Mice shooting Strangeways (you see them shoot but you do not see Strangeways slump violently into his car) and Bond shooting Professor Dent, cold-blooded, in the back.
FROM RUSSIA WITH LOVE In early 1974, From Russia, with Love made it`s premier [on ABC-TV] with the pre-credit sequence cut out and reedited after the belly dancer credits. This would begin the often cruel and incompetent censoring of the Bond films as shown on ABC. Other scenes such as the gypsy camp and the Orient Express fight between Bond and Grant were trimmed relentlessly.
Fan Ryan Harvey comments: “Of all the changes made to the Bond series for network broadcasting, the most obnoxious must be the network version of From Russia, With Love. The gypsy camp sequence was cut and there was no shooting of Krilencu. This entire sub-plot and central action scene is completely excised. The movie jumps from the scene where Bond and Kerim Bey are spying on the Russian embassy using the periscope. Bey introduces Krilencu; Bond takes a look at Tania`s legs, and then Kerim bay folds up the periscope to conclude the session. ABC cut it for time and violence (the girl on girl action was deemed to violent and fraught with sexual overtones) but without it, a very crucial piece of ambience vanishes. For a brief moment in this spirited adventure, even James Bond is shocked by the violence–it`s a powerful moment, especially to non Bond fans who often think of the series as just “goofy cartoon violence. Cut to a commercial.
When we come back, Bond is walking into his hotel room to discover Tania is lying there. Nearly 15 minutes of intense Bondian action and character, gone! It`s unconscionable.”
GOLDFINGER It was September 17, 1972 when ABC presented the world premier of Goldfinger on the Sunday night movie beginning at 9pm. The movie went off without a hitch except the gun-barrel icon scene was eliminated totally. A few shots were cut out to tone down the sex and violence. The scene with Oddjob enveloped in a shower of sparks at Fort Knox was cut. Only showing him touching his hat and falling to the floor. ABC was very sensitive in those days.
The spring of `74 had ABC reprising Goldfinger, except this time the entire pre-credit sequence was cut out completely and would never be seen again until HBO presented the movie on cable in 1980. Censors felt Bond allowing a woman to be knocked unconscious was unconscionable and the electrocution of his would be assailant too violent. Many fans that were first initiated into the world of Bondage came into it via the airings of the Bond films on ABC and were completely unaware that a pre-credit sequence existed until watching it on VHS or TBS.
THUNDERBALL The fall of `74 brought Thunderball to ABC-TV. In September, the showing of Thunderball came with all scenes in their respective order but just a few shots cut out or muted, such as: Bond giving Patricia Fearing a mink backrub and the scene where he says to Domino at the pool side, “Wait until you get to my teeth.”
Future airings of the movie would “up” the censorship quotient. For example, ABC objected to Bond pressing Nurse Fearing`s nude body up against the steam room window. The network also completely cut out Fiona Volpe`s bedroom encounter with Bond. Many a fan`s heads were being scratched when Volpe remarked about their sexual encounter, despite the fact that none had been shown. Their scene, with her arms intertwined with the steel bars on the bed, gave a hint of bondage that censors could not tolerate.
YOU ONLY LIVE TWICE In October 1975, ABC presented You Only Live Twice. This time ABC literally ruined the pre-credit sequence. The movie begins with the space capsule but twelve seconds into the scene the shot cuts to Bond already dead in his bed and the credits begin to roll. When the credits end the scene segues to Hong Kong harbour. We see and hear the boats passing in the channel and then the scene cuts back to the space capsule with the astronaut just beginning his space walk. The rest of the pre-credit sequence continues without any abrupt interruptions but when we get to Bond dead in his bed the scene cuts to Hong Kong harbour again. This sequence was probably the most confusing of all the Bond films that ABC presented – until On Her Majesty`s Secret Service came on for the first time.
ON HER MAJESTY`S SECRET SERVICE It was February 1976 and it was sweeps month for the big three networks. ABC was doing very well in the ratings with it`s mini series “Rich Man, Poor Man”, but during the last two Mondays of February, ABC presented On Her Majesty`s Secret Service in two parts. The first part, after the gun-barrel icon, opens with a close-up of Bond`s foot as it is being placed in a ski. A British voice (not Lazenby`s) begins by saying, “Bond, James Bond here. Agent OO7, on her majesty`s secret service.” The scene continues with Bond skiing down a moonlit mountain pursued by Blofeld`s men. Practically the entire ski chase is introduced as part of the pre-credit sequence with this inane voice-over. Even the part where Bond meets Tracy at the ice rink is there as part of a segue into the opening beach scene. But the scene with M and Q at Universal Exports is missing entirely. ABC had done the worst possible thing to a Bond film. They added narration. Throughout the first half of OHMSS, the audience had to endure this blasphemy. To the people who have never seen this film before, they thought the producers at EON were to blame. Whatever the case, this movie did not recover for years to come.
DIAMONDS ARE FOREVER In September of 1975, Diamonds Are Forever came on the ABC Friday Night Movie. Dialogue such as Bond saying “Welcome to hell, Blofeld,” Willard Whyte saying “Bond, get the hell off that rig” and of course Shady Tree`s comments to Bond as he saves him from a fiery death all ended on the cutting room floor. Also, the waterbed scene with Bond and Tiffany is missing. After the Las Vegas car chase ends, ABC went to a commercial, when they came back from the commercial break we see Felix Leiter and his men looking for the bridal suite where Bond and Tiffany are staying.
The film also proved to be too much and too far ahead of its time with the gay humor as far as ABC was concerned. The network cut scenes of Mr. Wint and Mr. Kidd holding hands after blowing up a helicopter, Kidd commenting to Wint that Miss Case was quite attractive `for a lady`, and Wint clearly enjoying having the tails of his tux wedged up his buttocks by Bond. These are scenes that are standard and taken for granted as they air on TBS. ABC-TV also cut a significant percent of Bond`s fight with Bambi and Thumper in order to dodge any suggestion that the two girls may be lesbians.
TBS did some editing of its own as well. At one time TBS cut the scene where Bond pulls off Marie`s top and twists it around her neck, yet ironically, aired the same footage for during a promotion of the film. During their “15 Days of Cyber-Bond”, TBS muted Tiffany`s remark to 007: “For God`s sake, come up with something original.”
LIVE AND LET DIE The fall of 1976 came the television premier of Live and Let Die with minor scenes trimmed out for broadcast, such as Mrs. Bell saying “Holy s***” as Bond cuts off the wings of the Cessna, the explosion of Adam`s boat was cut down and the part where Tee Hee is pushed into the bathroom wall of the train by Bond and a handy upper berth ladder.
ABC cut the scene of Banes actually being bitten by the snake in the pre-credits sequence. Viewers who had no prior knowledge of the film would be led to believe that Banes simply died of exhaustion and fear.
During Apartheid, South Africa completely cut out any reference to Bond and Rosie Carver having sex (and presumably cut scenes of Kananga slapping Solitaire and Solitaire getting undressed in front of several black men). The image of Rosie Carver/Gloria Hendry in the poster artwork for Live and Let Die was taken out and replaced with the picture of an anonymous, busty blonde. The changes can be seen on the special edition dvd of LIVE AND LET DIE. Gloria Hendry spoke on how she felt to see this poster change and her replaced as one the Bond leads at our Bond Weekend III.
THE MAN WITH THE GOLDEN GUN February 1977, The Man with the Golden Gun made its TV debut. This time the credits were retouched to cover up any partial nudity. Visible pubic hair in the title sequence, despite being in the form of silhouette, proved too hot to handle. Maurice Binder commented: “For instance, there was a dancer in The Man with the Golden Gun and she was nude. I used some rippling water, which covered her body, so we got away with that, but when she danced around sideways, some inappropriate hair stuck out. She wouldn`t shave.” Binder eventually resolved the situation by moving the title text to cover the appropriate area and using Vaseline or Brylcream to smooth down the pubic hair. Talk about splitting hairs.
Other scenes such as Bond saying to Lazar “Speak now, or forever hold your piece,” Chew Me, the girl in Hi Fats pool and some of J.W Pepper`s profanity were eliminated. When `Gun` debuted on American television, it marked the first time a Bond movie came on two years after it`s theatrical debut. It also marked the first time all the Bond movies had been shown on TV before the next one came out at the theaters.
THE SPY WHO LOVED ME Anya`s shower aboard the American submarine was completely cut as was Bond kicking Anya`s men in the groin at the Pyramids.
British censors wouldn`t allow footage of Bond electrocuting Jaws in the teeth to show in trailers for The Spy Who Loved Me. It was deemed too violent for children who may have also seen the trailer in the film. The sub that is captured in the pre-credits sequence had a wallfull of centerfolds pinned up along the wall that can be seen on the wide screen versions of the film, but were cut out of American broadcasts.
MOONRAKER Holly`s request to be `taken around the world one more time` was cut, as was Bond`s reference to the `69 bottle of champagne in her suite. (!)
ABC cut Bond kicking Jaws in his groin, only to find out that he literally had balls of steel. The shot of the gorgeous Drax Girl turning towards Bond as she was about to pass through the entrance of the Mayan ruin was trimmed to avoid showing too much cleavage.
FOR YOUR EYES ONLY British censors wouldn`t allow Maurice Binder to use the shot of Bond kicking Locque`s car off a cliff for the film trailer. British censors considered that to be in cold blood. ABC cut Locque`s body falling out of the car as it crashes to the ground. ABC also used slightly alternate titles for FYEO. In Binder`s original conception, the last woman in the title sequence is behind a thin veil of water, but her breasts are clearly visible and well defined. ABC`s version of that sequence completely blurs out her breasts so that no nipple can be seen. A shot of Erich Kreigler tumbling out of the monastery window and free falling to earth were eliminated.
OCTOPUSSY ABC darkened out much of the titles for the film, rendering them almost pointless. Apparently shots of thigh or breast would cause teenagers heads to explode. ABC also cut the shot of one of Kamal`s men having his faced sucked by a writhing Octopus. Bond`s reaction shot to Magda`s request for “refilling” was cut so that the in joke would not be picked up by the audience. Bond`s jab at Q about `having trouble keeping it up `was completely cut. Shots of Kamal plucking the eyeballs of the sheep and eating them were eliminated. Bond making an obscene gesture to a bunch of German teenagers was cut, despite the fact that it was hilarious under the circumstances. Octopussy emerging from a moonlight skinny dip was cut to avoid showing nudity.
THE LIVING DAYLIGHTS Bond ripping off Rubavitch`s clothes was completely cut, as were shots of showering Russian soldiers overtaken by a bulldozer. Shots of 009`s body hitting the Rock of Gibraltar as it tumbled towards the ground were cut out.
LICENSE TO KILL British censors forced deep cuts into this film. The ratings board objected to shots of Sanchez enjoying his revenge on Leiter. Michael G. Wilson has commented that “…The British will accept a certain amount of nudity, sex or violence, but “sadism” is out of bounds.”
GOLDENEYE British censors also didn`t care for Xenia`s head butt of Natalya in GOLDENEYE. That was completely cut out for U.K. viewers, as well as the line “Wait for your turn.”
Stuart Basinger, Pimp Daddy and Ryan Harvey all contributed to this report.
The full text of the article, The ABCs of the Bond Films, can be found at: http://www.geocities.com/shatterhand01/ABCArticle/TheABCsoftheOO7Films.html
On Her Majesty`s Secret Service: The 1976 “Narrated” Version details, complete with sound files of this rare movie airing is available at: http://www.geocities.com/Hollywood/Mansion/2512
The winds of fashion blow in strange places, don’t they?
The July 31 issue of The National Enquirer shows Bill Clinton on its cover sans the three-piece threads he used to wear ala James Bond and wearing a Nehru jacket, much more along the social graces of Messrs. Blofeld, Carver and Dr. Evil.
The “AIF” on his jacket stands for the American Indian Foundation, for which the ex-Prez was stumping for an evening’s fundraiser alongside lovely models. As the story reports inside, Clinton was creating havoc in New York at the Regent Wall Street Hotel by running off with another woman, a lovely blond model. Hillary is threatening a divorce!
–And we thought 007Forever was behind the Enquirer in breaking news to the fans. Huh.
In On Her Majesty`s Secret Service (Chapter 16), Ian Fleming writes that knees are the Achilles heel of all skiers.
Rephrasing this anatomical pun (and according to Kingsley Amis, a clumsy metaphor), one might say that James Bond`s neck is his Achilles heel – or more correctly the area bordering the back of his head. It`s definitely bad luck for 007: in almost every movie, a henchman or a villain considers it his duty to hit Mr. Bond with some heavy object. And how convenient it is for the screenwriters! Bang – the scene changes, and now Mr. Bond is in the villains` – or villainesses` – hands. Or laying in an enflamed coffin, or in a drowning car. Sometimes, at these moments, his facial expression actually reads: Not again!
Let`s count together exactly how many times 007 gets knocked out in
such a painful way:
Dr. No (1)
The bad luck followed him right from the beginning. When Bond tries
fighting the dragon/vehicle drivers, one of them hits his head with the machine-gun handle. 007 isn`t knocked unconscious, but it`s obviously the cliche`s inauguration.
From Russia With Love (2)
Everyone who`s read at least one Fleming novel has probably been
thunderstruck by the amateurish way Bond conducts his missions: every
time a situation catches him off-balance he was supposed to foresee 15 pages earlier. Ditto with the movies. Fascinating! Bond examines the map provided by Donovan Grant (who had introduced himself as a British
Agent) with such fantastical readiness! Unfortunately, Grant instantly
takes out his cosh and – bang! One longs to admit about Bond: He`s
so naive!
Goldfinger (3)
When I want to get a can of a cold beer from my refrigerator (because
I`ve run out of Dom Perignon), I always look over my shoulder.
Otherwise when I finally come back to life, no beer and my girlfriend
is covered in golden paint.
Thunderball (-)
What can I say? You were lucky this time Mr. Bond. They didn`t hit the
back of your head. And you weren`t out of gas – another fate of yours,
by the way…
You Only Live Twice (4)
The tough guys from the Tokyo docks have a heavy hand, and also a heavy look in their eyes. The chase through the docks is great! Bond is in exquisite form running across the warehouse roof and also when he dives off onto the boxes not knowing what they contain (cement sacks, anyone?). He walks calmly down the pier, tidying his suit, then -bang…
On Her Majesty`s Secret Service (5)
What a meanstreak George Lazenby`s James Bond has! Twice he visits the suites of his women, and both times his head is in trouble! To begin with Tracy invites Bond to her room, and there Draco`s men strongarm him, hitting his neck unsuccessfully. But that`s not all! Having come to Ruby`s room, Lazenby`s Bond suffers a doubleshot of misfortune doubleshot. First he finds Fraulein Irma Bunt in Ruby`s bed then they knock him out; again. And another headache. Bond concocts a tale, but Blofeld is already on to him!
Diamonds Are Forever (6)
Sleek and fast: Kidd & Wint knock him out with a vase, and then stick
him in a coffin where he`s almost cremated.
Live And Let Die (7)
By the eighth James Bond movie you could actually anticipate when Bond
will be knocked out. After Mr Big`s interrogation, Tee Hee knocks Bond
out and sends him to the crocodiles for dinner.
The Man with the Golden Gun (8)
In Bruce Lee movies, even the most cruel villain doesn`t stab anybody
into the back – a code of Kung Fu. And here? Hardly has Bond done away
with the sumo fighters and prepared for another attack when – bang! A
rather unpleasant evening for a walk!
The Spy Who Loved Me (-)
Mr. Bond was lucky again. Well, not quite, one may say… Charming
female KGB agents have their own ways of doing away with British spies: cigarettes with a poisonous powder. Blow & Go. At least, Bond`s head is OK.
If you took the drug after a high fat supper as this may defer the impact of this solution Don’t utilize take this solution on the off chance that you are not arranging sexual movement do not utilize it in the event you encounter one of the over as well as a free trial pack.So it’s time to break out of a bedroom rut,. Now you have Kamagra, it’s a cost effective medicine which is manufactured with the sophisticated type of sildenafil citrate. Postpartum despression symptoms plus child doldrums was yet another big problem that can females experience solely after that they give labor and birth, can largely become assigned into hormone adjustments plus potentially the several several weeks on to subside, only and if not than unique health care plus focus required. However, this drug class enhances cyclic GMP to relax the muscle vessels so that blood flow into the male genital part. Moonraker (9)
Now, that`s what I call mean! Drax`s killjoys actually knock Bond
unconscious and drag him right from off his woman!
For Your Eyes Only (10)
Recall the beach scene: Colombo`s men knock James Bond out. This was
taken from the short story RISICO, though Fleming didn`t like using
this cliche. In Fleming`s novels, only twice is Bond knocked
unconscious after getting hit on his head (let`s not count
automobile-accidents and falling from heights): in RISICO and in
GOLDFINGER (the very beginning of part III). Bond gets kicked in the
side of the head at the end of FROM A VIEW TO A KILL, and Felix gets
“blackjacked” in LIVE AND LET DIE, but these don`t count…
Octopussy (11)
Among all the henchmen, only Gobinda really hated Bond: his
light-gray eyes said it all in BIG bold letters. Well, unlike Drax`s
men, at least he dully waited until James Bond had said goodbye to
Magda after their romantic night.
Never Say Never Again (-)
In the at-one-time-unofficial Bond movie 007`s head is OK.
A View to a Kill (12)
Scarpine, Zorin`s henchman, is a man of few words. If something is
wrong – you`re knocked out. James Bond, just before he`s put in the
Rolls-Royce before drowning in it. Bob Conley – because he knew (and
complained) too much. However, he gets his own in the end: Stacey
Sutton “extinguishes” him – the revenge is literally brought on
Scarpine`s head.
The Living Daylights (-)
In the Timothy Dalton era, the villains` methods of physical persuading became more sophisticated. Dalton`s James Bond is lucky as far as head injures are concerned, though he still becomes unconscious: Kara Milovy, double-crossed by General Koskov, puts a drug into Bond`s vodka-martini. La femme-fatale!
Licence to Kill (-)
Yes, Bond fights ninjas, but we don`t count it.
GoldenEye (-)
It`s become obvious that the screenwriters chose not to use the old
cliche. At the rendezvous with Janus, amidst the cemetery of sculptures of Soviet leaders, the bad guys knock Bond out with a tranquillizer.
Tomorrow Never Dies (-)
Bond`s head is OK. However, the tables are turned and Bond knocks one
of Carver`s men unconcious with an ashtray during the Hamburg soiree.
The World Is Not Enough (-)
Ok. But his neck must be awfully sore after nearly being “screwed” to
death in Elektra`s contraption…
So, the sum is 12… Not bad, not bad… It`s good that the back of
Bond`s head hasn`t been hit lately, otherwise he`d probably have to
consider taking precautions… perhaps a hard-hat? 🙂
–Vladislav Pavlov is the websmaster of General Grubozaboyschikov`s Secret Archive – http://ggsa.da.ru
In a move that can only be described as STUNNING, MGM Studios announced Friday, June 29th, 2001, that former President of the United States, Bill Clinton, will take over the role of James Bond from Pierce Brosnan effective immediately.
Publicity photos, like the one shown to the left, have already been distributed to the press. Inside sources say that even though Brosnan’s 3 films had grossed over $1 billion, producers balked at the decision to pay him the $20 million dollars he was asking for to do the next film. “We basically got Clinton for a song”, said longtime Bond producer Barbara Broccoli. “In fact, i’m not even sure we’re paying him. All I mentioned was that he would have to have sex with several different women, none of whom were his wife, and before I could even finish my sentence, he had signed the contract. I still don’t know what we’re paying him.” “We plan on doubling the amount of women Bond snogs in his next film. I think the most he ever had was four or five in one film. We’re prepared to have Clinton’s Bond snog at least eight or nine,” said Corwin Feldman, Head of Production at MGM. “Also, Clinton’s Bond will be the first one to be tested for and come up positive for Herpes. We thought it would be more realistic in this day and age for Bond, just like Clinton, to have a sexually transmitted disease.”
Debbie McWilliams, longtime casting director for the Bond films, tells 007Forever that Miss Moneypenny will soon be getting a new assistant: an intern at MI6. “We haven’t been casting for the role yet, but obviously of course Monica Lewinsky is high on our list of actresses we’d like to audition. McWilliams put to bed rumors that Roger Clinton will turn up as Felix Leiter. “That is absolutely untrue. He’ll be in the film as Jack Wade, provided he doesn’t relapse into his cocaine addiction by then” McDonalds has already expressed interest in doing cross promotional tie-is with the next Bond movie.
“We’d like to release an adult version of the Happy Meal when the next Bond film comes out, said Terry Walsh, CEO of McDonalds. “The adult version of the Happy Meal will come with a Big Mac, large order of fries, large coke and a very naughty toy.”
New York (D) Senator- Hillary Rodham Clinton expressed her desire to play “M” should Judi Dench not return to the role. On her way to a bra burning rally at Wellsley College, Ms. Rodham released this statement to the press: “It is with great pride and pleasure that Chelsea and I can support Bill in his new job. Thank God he finally has one. I thought he’d never get out of the house. I look forward to taking, er, um, I mean, accepting the role of “M” should something untimely happen to Mrs. Dench before filming gets started. I’ve always bossed Bill around. Everyone knows I was the President during his 8 year term. Heck, they should have impeached me. Now i’ll get to boss 007 around. Oh, I mean of course, as long as nothing happens to Mrs. Dench in the next few months that would incapacitate her from playing the role herself.”
007Forever reporters already have found President Clinton’s dedication to learning his craft refreshing. 007Forever reporters spotted President Clinton rehearsing love scenes with several different women in his trailer on the MGM lot, despite the fact that the film is not officially in production. Apparently, the new movie will call for a midget, as one was spotted going into President Clinton’s trailer surrounded by several nubile young women. Our reporters were not allowed to go inside the trailer, but we can tell you it was rocking for several hours. The desire to have an American play Bond is not something new. MGM has put pressure on EON before to hire actors such as Burt Reynolds or Tom Cruise to portray the world’s most dashing spy.
The films, if nothing else, have become more Americanized with each passing film. “We think an American Bond is something that the whole world will be able to relate to”, says Producer Michael Wilson in an exclusive interview with 007Forever. “Barbara and I were going over story line ideas about how to make Bond 20 topical and current and once the decision to hire Clinton was made, we both came up with the scenario: ‘What if M pardoned Blofeld? ‘ So Bond 20 will find 007 taking matters into his own hands as he seeks revenge against Blofeld from Norway, to Kenya, to Australia. It’s going to be the biggest, baddest, most outrageous Bond yet.”
In related news, Kevin McClory has filed a lawsuit to stop production, which begins in December, from taking place. “It’s an abomination what they are trying to do to the character of James Bond that I created,” said McClory, reclining comfortably from his home with one foot in the grave. “I created Bond and Blofeld. MGM, nor EON has the right to make any Bond movies featuring James Bond or Blofeld. I’m going to sue them for the 23rd time and gosh dang it, this time i’m going to win! Can someone please help me find my dentures?.”
The next Bond film, tentatively titled “From Norway, With Herpes”, is set to begin filming in late December.
Culver City, CA (API) As a result of the legal battle between SONY Pictures and MGM/UA Studios over ownership of the James Bond 007 franchise, producer Kevin McClory was forced by the court to make public some tantalizing details of the controversial Bond film he planned to produce in partnership with SONY. The court ultimately blocked this effort, awarding sole control of Bond’s onscreen image to MGM/UA.
Confirming omni-present rumors, mellowing sex symbol Sean Connery was indeed scripted to reprise his role as the dashing international agent 007. In a surprising twist, the plot would revolve not around Bondian daring-do for the British Secret Service, but focus on a personal vendetta. It is assumed that by excising the usual cast—M (007’s boss), Monypenney (M’s secretary who pines for 007), Q (Bond’s gadget supplier), etc.— McClory sought to evade the copyright question arising from his use of author Ian Fleming’s characters.
Treading in the questionable footsteps of the “Batman and Robin” misadventure, the film would pit 007 against multiple villains acting in concert to poison the globe. Calling themselves The Five Horsemen (Violence, Insurrection, Anarchy, Genocide, Retribution, and Abner), their plot to decimate the world is fronted by a drug company promising eternal youth in a pill. In a bizarre turn of events, the questioning, septuagenarian Bond would himself be drawn into the deception.
SONY were also caused to reveal some curious sponsors who had already contracted—and paid for—product placements within the then unslated production. Co-marketers included such names as Sustecal, Centrum Silver, Del Webb, and Hyatt Inns & Resorts retirement properties.
McClory flatly stated that more than the usual spectacular combination of stunts, chases, and locales would be on view in his epic and that the real screen thrills wouldn’t even start until Bond captured VIAGRA.
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The story that brought Diamonds to the screen is clouded in numerous rewrites and a number of different plots.
