It must have sounded great in theory: James Bond sent to the Playboy Mansion to investigate the smuggling of sensitive technological data, while aided by Hugh Hefner and two beautiful playmates. What could possibly go wrong? Everything. What could have been a compelling and hip story sadly never reaches the heights it aspired to, and simply dissolves into a routine, mundane, by-the-numbers tale.
It all begins when “M” questions Bond about his knowledge of Playboy:
“The magazine, 007, how much do you know about it?”
Bond shrugged and said, “Only that some people have been known to read the articles and that I need to renew my subscription.”
Bond proceeds to recount his first encounter with Mr. Hefner, an event etched in Bond`s mind, but certainly, he feels, a forgotten memory to Mr.Hefner himself. Once “M” explains the basic problem, that information, sensitive information, has been changing hands at parties being held at the Playboy Mansion West, Hugh Hefner`s homes in Los Angeles, it becomes clear to Bond that he will have to go there himself, rekindle his relationship with Hefner, and solve this mystery before it gets any worse.
Hefner isn`t the target of the investigation; rather, his party guests are. Black market designs for a new class of Focal Plane Arrays, better known as FPA`s, are making the rounds at Hefner`s parties, and it`s now up to Bond to stop the next scheduled transfer of this information. Bond explains his knowledge of FPA`s to “M”:
“I`ve heard about them,” Bond said. “They can preprocess data at the sensor itself in image-processing applications such as, oh, say, target detection and then pass somewhat refined information to dedicated signal processors. They can make advanced military applications affordable because of significant reductions in size, weight and power consumption. I didn`t realize the designs had been completed.”
“Thank heaven you understand them, because I don`t,” she said, glancing upward.
She`s not the only one. We`re barely past the first page and I`m already lost in all of this technical trivia. By the time the first chapter is over, you have to remind yourself that something important was stolen and Bond has to go get it and that it`s no use trying to understand what it is because it is totally beyond comprehension anyway. Benson doesn`t tell us exactly what kind of applications an FPA would be used in since every bit of detail that he`s already given us is pretty much useless.
“M” explains MI5 has handed over this assignment to them because they believe the designs were copied and smuggled to the United States via rock musician Martin Tuttle. MI6 have arranged to have Bond invited to to the annual Midsummer Night`s Dream party held at the Hefner mansion. There, Bond is assigned to watch Tuttle, find out who his contact is, and recover the stolen data if possible. Bond is dismissed and heads to Miss Moneypenny`s office for the obligatory small talk, with the key word being obligatory. By this point, with as many short stories and novels as we have behind us, the need for a fresh take on Bond`s relationship with Penny has never been more urgent. John Gardner`s novel, Nobody Lives Forever, was the last breath of fresh air involving the Moneypenny character. Here she serves absolutely no legitimate purpose, as the information she gives to Bond about how to dress for Hef`s parties could`ve been gleamed from almost any other character and is common knowledge to most people on the street. Her role is so pointless that if you cut her out of the story it would not be affected in the slightest, thus confirming that she didn`t need inclusion to begin with
By this point I am still waiting for that little spark to happen that will ignite my interest in this so far tedious story. It hasn`t happened and by the looks of it, Benson seems either totally bored with the subject matter, in a creative rut, or the Hefner parties weren`t quite the swinging singles scene he was expecting when he did the research. After all, these are the 1990`s, fraught with AIDS, Gonorrhea, Syphilis and Chlamydia, not to mention accusations of date rape and a politically correct enviroment where women aren`t supposed to be looked at as sex objects anymore. It`s getting more and more difficult to make the Playboy Mansion and it`s decadence seem fun or relevant anymore.
Bond arrives in Los Angeles and takes his JaguarXK8 directly to the mansion. Why exactly Bond brings a Q-modified Jaguar all the way over from England on what is a routine, open and shut case is beyond me. The Jaguar never even comes into play for the rest of the story. Again, another plot point that just seems thrown in with no valid reason for it being there.
Upon arriving at Hefner`s mansion, he`s met by “a radiant blonde” named Lisa Dergen, or for those who can`t read but can only remember body parts, Miss July 1998. Of Lisa, Benson writes:
“Her bright green eyes displayed an air of self-confidence and intelligence. He could easily get lost in them.”
Ooookay, this is a playmate we are talking about but let`s pretend anyway. She gives him a tour of the grounds, while offering him a private tour later in the night, blushing as she makes her suggestive offer. At this point Bond now spies Hefner, sipping a Jack Daniels, mingling with guests, while two ladies cling to his silken pajamas.
Do not break or split a tablet. Resveratrol also stimulates Nitric Oxide production and inhibits platelet aggregation. Consume Medicine In The Presence Of Sexual Stimulation The patients are recommended to consume Kamagra tablets only when they are on the medication with Ajanta Pharma products. Kamagra online Australia is easily available at the cheapest rate in the many online pharma agencies. Of Bond`s pajamas, Benson writes:
“Bond loved pajamas, so he felt some kinship with his host in that respect. He had decided to wear a navy satin set, also tailor-made, covered by his beloved Hong Kong housecoat decorated in Chinese characters, which comfortably concealed his should-holstered Walther PPK.”
That`s not how Fleming described Bond`s feeling toward pajamas. On page 126 of Casino Royale, half way down, Fleming states:
“Bond had always disliked pyjamas and had slept naked until in Hong Kong at the end of the war he came across the perfect compromise. This was a pyjama-coat which came almost down to the knees. It had no buttons, but there was a loose belt round the waist. The sleeves were wide and short, ending just above the elbow. The result was cool and comfortable and now when he slipped the coat on over his trunks, all his bruises and scars were hidden except the thin white bracelets on wrists and ankles and the mark of SMERSH on his right hand.”
Incidentally, notice the difference in the spelling of the word pajama. Benson spells it “pajama” and Fleming spells it “pyjama”.
Fleming and Benson both make mention of a tailored made outfit and Hong Kong. You could infer that Bond`s compromise outfit in Casino Royale and his later set of pajamas in `Doom” both came from a tailor in Hong Kong, but it`s still hard to tell if Benson acknowledges that Bond once hated pajamas and has since changed his mind. This is important since all of Hugh Hefner`s parties are in pajamas and lingerie.
After meeting with Hefner and being assured that no one else at the party knew Bond`s true reason for being there, he mingles and is next introduced to Victoria Zdrok. For those who don`t read Playboy for the articles, she was Miss October 1994. Of meeting Bond, Benson writes:
Victoria beamed and shook his hand. “How do you do?”.
“What`s a nice Ukrainian girl like you doing in a place like this?” he asked.
She gave him a sexy smirk, “Maybe I`m not so nice, she purred. “How did you know where I come from?”
“Oh, let`s just say that Russia and her neighbors used to be one of my hobbies.”
Recognize this passage of dialogue? You should. It sounds like it was practically lifted from the Bond and Xenia casino scene in Goldeneye. And if that weren`t bad enough, the line about “a nice Ukranian girl” is enough to make a person cringe.
Victoria introduces Bond to her movie producer friend, Anton Redinus. If this were a movie, Redinus would have a neon sign hovering above him saying: “Villain!” Could he be anymore obvious as the contact, or could the pearls that adorn Victoria`s neck be any more obvious as a plot device? It has all the subtlety of a Klansman at an NAACP rally.
Suffice it to say, Bond defeats Anton and his henchman Estrogen, er, uh, Estragon who earlier themselves killed Martin Tuttle. The whole story is wrapped up quickly and very neatly with no twists, no turns, no suspense and surprisingly, no characterization when you consider that three of the main characters are real life people.
Even for a short story, it`s plagued by inadequate characterization. From the start there is nothing that grabs hold of your attention and the middle and end parts fare no better. The dialogue is questionable and by the time the story is over you really don`t care who did what to whom and why. The whole story goes over like an episode of Scooby Doo, right down to the traditional pulling of the mask off the villain. And Redinus would`ve gotten away with it if it hadn`t been for that meddling British secret agent.