In an unprecedented event in 007’s history, all five principal actors who have portrayed the secret agent with a License to Kill will meet on Saturday, April 13, 2002 in New York City, to kick off a half-year-long official MGM fortieth anniversary celebration of the James Bond movie phenomenon, culminating in late 2002 with the release of the 20th Bond film. “Dr. No,” the first James Bond movie for the big screen, was first released to theatres in 1962.
The Bondlist staff and many member contributors will be present to witness this historic undertaking. One of the largest press cadres ever seen in New York is expected to be present at this special event, which will rival
the most popular theatre and film events in scope. Coney Island’s world famous amusement fair will be the setting for this incredible event honoring the 007 legacy and James Bond’s fans worldwide.
Richard Kiel, known to an adoring public mainly as the world’s most nefarious orthodontics patient, “Jaws,” will bite lustily into a delicious Coney Island frankfurter covered with five unique condiments to celebrate the five James Bonds of the EON films and begin the day’s schedule of events. Kiel’s foot-long frank and bun will be slathered with six eggs of choice Beluga “Thunderball Caviar,” seven wafer-thin slices of “Roger’s Smooth Foie Gras,” two gourmet “Daylights White Truffles,” three meager squirts of “Mars Attacks Ketchup” and one cheap dash of on “Her Majesty’s Secret Recipe Mustard”. “I plan to go to thish shinding to shee Richard again while jusht enjoying my favorite Nathan’sh hot dogsh,” shed [said] Shir Shean [Sir Sean] Connery.
The event will also celebrate (shellabrate?) the hoopla 49th anniversary of the publication of “Casino Royale”, Ian Fleming’s first novel, released for general distribution by Jonathan Cape on the afternoon of April 13, 1953. “I’ve yet to actually read any book of more than a few pages’ duration, but plan to browse quite carefully the dust jacket notes of the first edition Casino Royale on display in Brooklyn next April…That ought to do me nicely,” said suave Australian actor George Lazenby, who nearly killed single-handedly the James Bond movies in 1969’s “On Her Majesty Secret Service”, rescued only by an intense, dubbed performance by Gabriele Ferzetti as “Marc-Ange Draco”.
A giant compendium of James Bond movie collectibles will also be displayed at the big show, including the legendary Japanese “For Your Eyes Only Melina Havelock” trading cards as a complete set. A special limited edition Aston
Martin DB5 model from Johnny Lightning, made especially for this show and limited to only umpteen-jillion copies, will be presented to Sir Sean and “the other fellas”. It is not known whether the five Bonds will rip open their packages instantly to trade with each other to acquire the trading cards inside with their own likenesses.
Roger Moore, Timothy Dalton, George Lazenby and Pierce Brosnan will then read aloud from the main stage podium a prepared tribute to their dear friend, Sean Connery, in honor of his knighthood by H.R.M. Queen Elizabeth,
with the first words of the text reading, “Thank you for making 16 hack spinoffs and more of “Goldfinger” possible, and for keeping an entire movie company, indeed the entire movie industry, gainfully employed.” Following the ceremony, Connery is expected to sue persons unknown for more than a quarter of a billion dollars.
More than five million fans are expected to crowd the world’s most famous beach late on Friday afternoon to receive autographed color still photos signed by all five Bonds personally, for only $5 apiece. Selected scenes from the twentieth EON opus, “Dr. Pepper Chancefinger,” will be later be shown on giant water sleds in the Atlantic Ocean offshore, following the event’s nighttime fireworks display over the New York City beach. The world famous Blue Angels will also flyover the show during the day, with, of course, five veddy British-like fighter pilots in tight formation thrilling the adoring crowds below. NYC Mayor Rudolph Giulani is expected to join Senator Hillary-Rodham Clinton in providing a commemorative Key to the City, shaped like General Ourumov’s GoldenEye passkey, along with substantial tax benefits and building permits within midtown Manahattan, to each of the five Bonds.
Diana Rigg is rumored to be the “Mystery” guest along with Barry Nelson at the closed party “Casino Night” for EON cast and crew on the evening of Friday, April 12. Meanwhile, Charles Gray, “Ernst Stavro Blofeld” in 1971’s “Diamonds Are Forever,” along with headliners Donald Pleasence and Telly Savalas, the three principal actors who portrayed the larger than life arch-villain onscreen with the Bonds, could not be reached for comment.
To sign up ahead of time for press passes to this historic event, visit the Five Bonds Historicity Website at www.aprilfoolednone.com.