Wilson Chance: Spoof Film Diary

Jeffrey Bunzendahl, director of the upcoming spy-spoof WILSON CHANCE: THE MOVIE, spoke with 007Forever last fall and detailed what it was like to film an independent movie using friends, low reserves of cash and attending film school. As the release date for WILSON CHANCE approaches, Jeffrey has opened up his filming diary of the most dangerous sequence in his movie. It chronicles the fears and hazards that go into such a complex action scene.

***

I thought I would take some excerpts from my filming dairy during production of a particularly challenging scene. From inception to execution, it took about a month to pull off one complicated scene, which involves skydiving and assorted mayhem.

I was sitting at home in front of my Mac G4. I was working on my script to flesh out a scene I had been avoiding filming due to budgetary apprehension. I stared at a section of my script that read “Skydiving Sequence.” What the heck was I thinking? True, I tried to write this film using what resources we had access to. But a skydiving sequence? Maybe I`ve watched the Bond films too many times and feel I NEED a skydiving sequence to make this any kind of a respectable spy movie. My better judgement screamed back at me. YES- you need a skydiving sequence!

In the script, the villain has knocked our hapless hero Wilson Chance, unconscious and tossed in the back of a prop plane. With full intention of killing our hero with unnecessary flair, the villain plans to toss Chance out of the plane at 30,000 feet. Chance will of course escape, by pure luck, not skill, thus again reinforcing his name Chance (the connotation of pure luck).

I called my brother George in to the living room and we had an impromptu production meeting. George is also my producer. As my producer, he looked at me as if I were nuts when I told him my proposal.

George said, “Jeff, how in the heck are we going to pull that off? You`ve been watching too many Bond films again. Not every spy film has skydiving in it. And what about the older Bond films? They didn`t have any.”

He had a good point. Nevertheless, somewhere adrift in the mire of my subconscious danced images of 007 fearlessly diving from a plane with a raised eyebrow. A direct result of a so-called bankrupt Bond generation weaned on Roger Moore films.

I started with uncertain confidence. George shrugged and walked away into the kitchen. He was probably convinced I had lost my good sense and judgement as a director. I thought he might have been right this time. I got up early the next day and looked in the phone book for local skydiving places. Eureka! I found a skydiving school operating out of a small airport in Calhan, a farming town outside of Colorado Springs. It`s got flat land everywhere, so it will double out for Mexico nicely (which is where this scene is supposed to take place). The only trick now was to wait for a day that the weather was sunny and clear. That would look really lame if Chance parachuted down somewhere in Mexico and he`s stomping around in fresh snow; although Ed Wood would be proud.

That night I left a message with the coordinator of the skydiving school. I very politely asked if we could come out and just film some of the guys parachuting down. Then later, I would maybe match the footage of Chance in a similar outfit for close ups using a “green screen.” I know that would look hokey, but I had to work with what I`ve got, right? WRONG! I could not pretend here. I wanted this scene to look as cool as possible. But how? I resigned myself to the fact that I would figure that out eventually.

I got a call from the owner of the establishment the next morning, a gent by the name of Jay Smith. He said I could come down and film whatever I want and that they do most of their jumping on Saturday and Sunday. Hot Dog! I couldn`t believe it! Most people had been very resistant to let us film anywhere or anything during the course of this production, and the enthusiasm from Mr. Smith was more than welcome.

My mind was working overtime. It was exciting to think that if this scene worked out it would really give the film another boost in its production value. I love it when people see our footage and say, “How the heck did you guys pull that off?” That`s what I was aiming for.

On that weekend, I drug my brother and my friend Mike (who plays one of our villains) out to the Skydiving range in the morning. They said they wanted to tag along. I figured that way I wouldn`t look like I`m lost when I walked in there. When we arrived, we saw a prop plane parked outside of the main hanger. Everyone jumps out of this plane when they skydive. We traveled inside the first hanger and wandered around a bit. A few rowdy but friendly people were repacking their parachutes off to the left of us. We found the office in the front and met Jay, the owner. Jay is the pilot and alternately skydives when he gets a chance. While we talk, he asks me specifically what I would like to shoot for the film. I quickly explained what I had in mind. I was waiting for the big “get lost.” Jay paused for a moment, then told us to follow him and he`d introduce us to Greg, one of the skydivers who uses a helmet camera. So, into the second hanger we went.

Inside about 15 skydivers or so were all repacking their parachutes. We saw Greg across the room. He was an intense looking guy who was cracking jokes and teasing one of the other skydivers about how he landed on his last jump. Jay introduced us to Greg and he gave us all a hearty handshake. I explained to Greg what we wanted to do. It was time to up the ante. I asked about the possibility of having somebody double out for Wilson Chance and somebody film him jumping from the plane. Mike and George look at each other, as if to say, “What is he up to?” Greg instantly became animated with excitement and began to give me some ideas of how we should shoot the scene and what he could do from the air in terms of filming. Then he grabbed Jordan, another skydiver that was quietly packing his chute. Jordan was a young, laid back kinda guy, who volunteered with a mere nod and a shrug. Jordan was almost a tall as Justin and had a similar facial structure and build. Was this fate or what?

Everything was working out better than I even imagined. These guys were great. They thought what we were doing was exciting, and they fully wanted to be involved. The only thing they wanted from me was to pay for their skydiving slots (reserved space on the plane) each time they jumped for me, and then to pay one slot after that. Pretty affordable, considering a stuntman would charge me more per hour than our camera cost to buy.

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They both yucked it up and got a feel for the film. I gave Jordan his motivation for acting like Chance. I told him to basically act like a moron as he falls through the sky. Chance should act like he`s a guy doing his first jump, but trying to act cool and play off the fact he doesn`t know what he`s doing.

First jump of the morning, the plane loads up the skydivers and makes its way skyward. Justin and I crossed the street and over through some barbed wired to an open meadow. A local farmer owned the land. But Greg had assured me that they touch down on his property all the time and he had already talked with the farmer about coming on his property. About 15 minutes after Jordan and Greg had went up, Justin spotted the plane getting into position for the jump.

Out came the skydivers. I tried to get a focus with my camera. I looked right into the sun and I`m blinded for a moment. Justin yelled, “Jeff-they`re coming this way! Hurry!” Darn, I thought to myself. All of these years of production classes and I looked right into the sun on the first shot of the day? I shook it off and scanned the sky for Jordan. He was flailing comically as he headed toward us. Greg followed behind but cut away from us so he wouldn`t land in our shot. Jordan swung in our direction and landed effortlessly. It looked cool, but too smooth to look like a “Chance” landing.

I walked over to Jordan as he pulled in his chute. “Anyway you can wipe-out when you land?” I asked. “Uh, sure, if you want me to break all my bones”, Jordan replied. Dumb question, I guess.

On the second jump, Jordan takes a sharp turn as he`s about to touch down, and goes face down into the dirt as he lands. “Beautiful!” I shout. Wait- Jordan could have been hurt. I call out to him as he lies still on the ground. “Jordan! Are you okay?” I yell. “Yeah-I`ll make it” he replies as he crawls to his feet. “Oh in that case, that last landing was great!” I reply. Directors. We`re very heartless when it comes to getting our shots.

Suddenly, a car zoomed up. Out came a man and his wife. They briskly move toward us. Justin is in front of Jordan and me, and they made a b-line for Justin. This guy was the farmer who owned the property. He began to scream at Justin, spit flying everywhere, as he frothed at the mouth. I could only make out that he was shouting about trespassing and his startled cows.

Greg had forgotten to call the farmer the night before and now this guy was out for blood. I jogged up to join the conversation. I had to try to settle this guy down and redirect him but I could see he had no interest in hearing our side of the story. You could tell this hick was the kind of guy who dances in place waiting to start trouble. And now, he had a reason to be justified if he did something to us. The farmer guy then turned toward me, saw that I was holding a camera, and his eyes turned a dark shade of crimson red. He announced he had a shotgun in the back of his car, and he was going to use it on all three of us.

Wow. What a way to liven up a conversation. What`s worse was that his bitchy wife kept repeating everything he said. Almost like redneck reverb. The farmer then took a step forward to intimidate me. I stood my ground and politely smiled. I tried to talk softly and be apologetic.

For some reason when people see a camera, they assume you`re up to no good. I wanted to resolve this whole thing without violence and I did. I said all the things he wanted to here and apologized as many times as he wanted. The farmer hunkered back to his car, satisfied he had become the alpha male of our little confrontation. We promised the guy it was a misunderstanding and we would be off his property in five minutes. In those five minutes, I quickly snuck in some insert shots of Justin taking off the parachute before we headed back.

We caught up with Greg and took a peek at his footage from his helmet cam. The footage looked fantastic. Wilson Chance was airborne! The last jump for the skydivers of the day, Justin talked me in to letting him go ride along in the plane. Justin took the smaller camera with him to get some interior shots and to film Jordan leaping out of the plane from his point of view. They gave Justin an emergency chute, tossed him in the front, and up they went. Justin said he wasn`t prepared for the sudden pressure change during the flight and one of his contacts flew out. Jay, who was piloting, took the plane in a nose-dive for fun. I watched all of this from the ground and turned green. I kept thinking, “Why exactly is the star of my film 15,000 feet in the air, stuck in a nose-dive?”

The director has to be aware of the safety of his actors. This sentiment tended to lapse in and out during the course of this film. I found myself rationalizing that, as long as Justin didn`t get “considerably” maimed during any given stunt, we`d still be able to go on with the film.

When the plane finally landed, I was glad that it was the last shot of the day. Justin admitted he had the urge to jump out and see what it was like to free-fall. I told him to stick to playing Wilson Chance, and stop thinking like him. Justin agreed. The next weekend we came back and finished our interior shots, and did all the dialogue inside the plane while it was grounded. This scene, which may only have about five minutes on screen when edited, took two full ten-hour days to film. It wasn`t easy, and wasn`t necessarily the most fun I`d ever had in my life. In fact, it was downright grueling, and frightening in parts. Why do this, then, you might ask? The answer is simple, really. I love to entertain. And, I love making movies, baby!

I hope this has given everyone an interesting insight to what it takes to shoot a sequence of this magnitude on an independent level. It definitely separates the men from the boys, or the sane from the slightly off.

–Jeffrey Bunzendahl is the Director of WILSON CHANCE, due to be released in 2001. Vic Flick is working on the soundtrack.

Wilson Chance Poster And Teaser Debuts

You`ve got to love that tagline! The Bunzendahl Brothers are hard at work on their spy flick WILSON CHANCE and they chose 007Forever to debut the slick, brand new poster that goes along with it. Does it seem familiar? It should. The distinctive style is from none other than 007-artist Jeff Marshall.

At a “chance” meeting in New Orleans last October at our annual BOND COLLECTORS’ WEEKEND, Jeff Marshall met with the Bunzendahl Brothers, who were there to debut footage from their new film. One thing led to another and soon Jeff was pitching in to help make WILSON CHANCE a hit. See what kinds of cool Bond fans you can meet by attending BOND COLLECTORS’ WEEKEND?
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But the good news about WILSON CHANCE doesn`t end there. Also in town that weekend was legendary Bond-guitarist Vic Flick. When he saw the film, he to decided to help the up-and-coming filmmakers out, and he`s provided the score and title song. His unique sound can be heard at the end of the teaser trailer.

Wilson Chance: 007 Spoof’s Creators

In the beginning there were the Zucker Brothers (Airplane! The Naked Gun). Then God, seeing as how it was not fit for the Zucker Brothers to be alone, created the Farrelly Brothers (Dumb and Dumber, Something About Mary). Now, ready or not, here comes the Bunzendahl Brothers with their independent film WILSON CHANCE, whose lead character could make Austin Powers look downright smooth.

Along with Dean Williams and his film A PEPPER FOR TOMORROW, the Bunzendahl Brothers, who are based out of Colorado Springs, CO have become instant cult celebrities in the Bond fan community. They appeared at Bond Collectors Weekend last month in New Orleans, debuted several scenes from the new picture and soon the whole event was abuzz with talk about the film. It`s a hybrid mix of WIZARD OF OZ, GET SMART, MATT HELM and JAMES BOND 007.

Justin Williford, 24, plays the lead role of nerdy box office ticket taker Willy Lance, and his alter-ego Wilson Chance. He`s also a college student, holds down a part time job and is the star of the film. At the University of Colorado at Colorado Springs, Williford majors in Communications and Recording Arts, with a minor in Film Studies. He`d like to major in Film Studies, but the college doesn`t offer them. He has taken acting classes in the past.

So strong is his committment to WILSON CHANCE that he was willing to sacrifice huge amounts of his personal life in order to get this film completed. When I first met Williford, I had him pegged as either a baseball player or a quarterback. I wasn`t completely wrong; he`s an expert rifleman and gave up an Olympic career on the National Mens Shotgun Team to do this film. His extensive knowledge of firearms also makes him the film crews resident expert on gun safety.

Williford works part time at the local Blockbuster on the nights he`s not filming (which is about three times a week). This job affords him the opportunity to stock up on free movies every night and study them. When I asked him what his boss thought of his desire to be an actor, Williford explained to me that not only was his boss enthusiastic about letting Williford have time off to film, he`s even in the film (he plays a bartender to whom Wilson Chance requests a Shirley Temple, “skaken, not stirred”).

George Bunzendahl, 33, is the Producer of the film and his energy, excitement and humor about the film is infectious. He gleefully admits he could `sell a ketchup popsicle to a white gloved customer` if he needed to. In other words, it`s his job to sell the film and so far he`s doing a great job of it; i`m sold. George is the “people guy”; the “mover and shaker”. He promotes the film, coordinates the days shoot and gets actors for the film. In real life, George is a special agent. Yes, he`s an insurance agent for Progressive Auto Insurance.

Jeff Bunzendahl, 28, is George`s brother, and the Director and Writer of WILSON CHANCE. Jeff`s first introduction to Bondage was a trip with his dad to see MOONRAKER when he was six years old. His love of filmmaking was sparked by, ironically, a spoof of STAR WARS called HARDWARE WARS, in which a variety of kitchen appliances were piloted. Jeff refused to play with other kids and their action figures unless the playtime included a narrative from which he could work with. By age 12, he was already beginning ot make movies.

At 20, Michael Helsley is the youngest of the bunch. He`s Korean, an Electrician on the side, and keeps in shape for his role as an assassin with a strenuous workout of Jujitsu. While all four key players assume many roles when making the film, acting is the one area Michael would like to focus on when he`s got the time to do it. He`s what they call “a natural”. That means, he`s got screen presence and doesn`t necessarily need to take acting classes.

Jeff has been Mike`s Jujitsu teacher since Mike was 14. Jeff has a 3rd degree Black Belt in Jujitsu and feels that, as Mike`s teacher, it helps him to better choreograph the fight sequences knowing what Mike is capable of. Justin Williford also took about 5 months of Jujitsu training and learned techniques that make him better able to take a fall.

The film had its genesis in a chance meeting four years ago when Justin met George in class at the University of Colorado. Justin had heard that Jeff was making some independent films and was interested in being in some. Jeff began putting Justin in a series of short films that left such an impression that Jeff was sure Justin was the embodiment of WILSON CHANCE.

LEAVE NOTHING TO CHANCE was essentially a 7 minute clip of things they`d like to do in a full length movie. It helped establish Williford in Jeff`s mind as `Chance`. That was two and a half years ago. WILSON CHANCE is the full length, feature film they`ve all been working on for the past year under the tutelage of Professor Robert von Dassanowsky (he also serves as Executive Producer and is a knowledgeable Hollywood player). While Austin Powers was a sexy agent in the 60`s but out of place in the 90`s, WILSON CHANCE`s gimmick is that the hero, Willy Lance, is too stupid to even get his dreams right. His alter-ego, WILSON CHANCE, is almost as uncool as Willy Lance is.

The Bunzendahl Brothers received a small inheritance which has gone a long way towards funding the film. In fact, it has allowed for Jeff to concentrate solely on the film without having to worry about a second income. If the film attracts enough attention at upcoming independent film festivals, the whole group may soon be able to make filmmaking their full time occupation.

WILSON CHANCE is entirely shot on location in Colorado, which also doubles for Norway; Quebec, Canada; Mexico and Germany. For one scene, the brothers received permission to use a bed and breakfast in Pikes National Forest just outside of Deckers, CO that is designed to look like a German castle.
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Independent projects are no less troublesome than major, studio funded films. The only difference is the creative ways in which the brothers resolve their problems. Because the budget is small, Jeff and George were keen on finding actors for the movie that they could be sure would be committed to seeing the film through, no matter how long it takes.

For one particular sequence, the brothers called ahead to the local police department and warned them that they would be filming in the woods and invited them to come down and watch. The scene involved Chance and some henchmen shooting at one another. Despite the heads up, the 911 call center`s phone rang off the hook, with at least 20 calls from frightened neighbors claiming that terrorists were attacking the area. Filming was taking place at night and passersby could see the flash report of the guns going off from the freeway.

Actors have been known to give Jeff fits as well. One actor in particular was regularly absent from the set and made up excuses as to why he couldn`t show up. When the unnamed actor would bother to show up at all, he was usually late. Early on in the shoot he had long hair but inexplicably cut it all off halfway through. Jeff had to go out and buy the guy a wig to compensate. After much thought, the actor was simply let go and all his scenes were reworked or cut out.

Professional stunt men? Forget about it! In a variation of THE LIVING DAYLIGHTS, Justin held on for dear life as he clung to the top of a Volkswagen van while doing 50 to 60 m.p.h through the Rocky Mountains, which were doubling for Norway. That`s one stunt all agreed they`d never do again without the proper safety checks in place. However…

That didn`t stop them from using a real knife in a fight sequence one day. Apparently, Williford forgot to bring the prop knife to the location shoot. Because the film is independent and made on a small budget, every days shoot is invaluable once everyone is in place. After all, most of these actors and actresses have other jobs they have to tend to in real life. Because of the uncertainty of getting everyones schedule back in sync for a future shoot, Jeff decided to have Justin use a real knife and just be very careful.

I`m curious about the film, so I ask how long will it be? About 90 minutes. Will fans be able to buy it? Yes, it should be out on DVD/VHS in late February or early March. Are there any Chance Girls in the film? Yes. That last answer gets my interest and my ears perk up. Surely the job of leading man in a spy spoof means Williford gets to be surrounded by a lot of beautiful women, right? Surely there must be a spicy story in there somewhere, right? Not quite. Although it is safe to say Chance gets the girl in the end, the kiss was a kind of “turn your back to the camera” sort of thing.

Well then, being an up and coming film star/producer/director means getting more women, right? Not necessarily. All four have sworn off groupies or potential Yoko Ono`s. This group is tight, focused and dedicated to the task at hand. Serious relationships can wait.

As for Williford, the typecasting as WILSON CHANCE has already begun. One night on the way back to the hotel after partying on Bourbon Street, I ask George some questions about his actor, Wilson. Then George just starts laughing like a mandman and I realized I had totally forgotten that his real name was Justin Williford, and had become completely absorbed in the catch phrase value of the name WILSON CHANCE. The absurdity goes even further. When Williford was picked up by campus security for a driving violation, he was so well known as WILSON CHANCE, that he was ticketed under the name WILSON CHANCE. He beat the charge anyway.

So, where do the brothers go from here? Filming is almost complete and post production will soon begin. I`m sworn to secrecy for right now, but I can tell you that the guys are getting some pretty big assistance from several key people in the Bond fan community that will go a long way towards making sure the film is a cut above the average small budget movie.

Maybe it all sounds crazy, but isn`t this what being a fan is all about? You`ve got to admire these guys for sticking their necks out so far on something they feel so passionate about. The Bunzendahl Brothers, as well as Justin Williford and Michael Helsley, truly embody the term “fandom”, and 007Forever is excited to follow the progress of their film!

Keep watching 007Forever for more news and special coverage of WILSON CHANCE in the weeks and months to come.

You can contact the guys of WILSON CHANCE at SteelShavings@netscape.net for questions or comments.

Rank Fan Ranks Films

I appreciate Deb’s lead in The Ultimate James Bond Fan Book that one has to decipher from among all the films the ones that are the best films, and the ones that are personal (if iconoclastic) favorites. I made both lists recently and felt a weight fall from my shoulders.

You can disagree with me as you please, but I humbly reserve the right to change both lists around tomorrow.

Best Films (Ranked as A, B and C quality in chronological order of stinking or smoldering screens):

A-list 007s:
From Russia With Love
Goldfinger
Diamonds Are Forever
For Your Eyes Only
Octopussy
The Living Daylights
License To Kill
GoldenEye
Casino Royale (2006)

B Listers:
Dr. No
On Her Majesty’s Secret Service
Live and Let Die
The Man With The Golden Gun
The Spy Who Loved Me
Moonraker
Never Say Never Again
A View To A Kill

C Bonds (Still Worth C-Ing, there’s NO bad Bond epic):
Thunderball (There, I said it)
Casino Royale (1967)
You Only Live Twice
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The World Is Not Enough
Die Another Day

Favorites, different from “best”, in order from tops to bottom–for at least the next day or so:
License To Kill
The Living Daylights
Casino Royale (2006)
Diamonds Are Forever
For Your Eyes Only
Octopussy
Goldfinger
From Russia With Love
A View To A Kill
GoldenEye
Never Say Never Again
On Her Majesty’s Secret Service
Live and Let Die
Moonraker
The Man With The Golden Gun
The Spy Who Loved Me
Dr. No
Tomorrow Never Dies
Die Another Day
The World Is Not Enough
Casino Royale (1967)
You Only Live Twice
Thunderball (There, I said it.)

I have some friends who starred in these movies, so nothing personal is herein implied. I loved them in the movie, just maybe not the movie as much as another Bond flick…

Quantum of Pronunciation

I have been getting emails regarding the pronunciation of “solace”, still…

Looking at a dictionary, Bond 22 can be pronounced as “soul-less” or “saul-less” (and not in a dictionary as “sull-less”. News reporters have been using the latter as the movie title, and to me, it is a little easier to pronounce–the “a” sound similar to that in “quantum.”
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Regardless, there’s going to be a quantum of violence from Pierce Brosnan’s ardent fans, who are still die hard that Daniel Craig is not as stylish or sophisticated in the role as EON Bond Version 5.0.

Right, It’s AVTAK

I recently posted rankings of the Bond films and thought I might better defend LTK as #1. Having said that, I recently re-watched Licence To Kill but also watched AVTAK last night.

View played much better than I had remembered on a big screen with the new print on the Ultimate DVD set. The production values are huge, the chateau, Paris, and horse racing scenes and sounds were great, and Tanya Robert’s screams, I discovered, were all contextual. She screamed when left in the elevator shaft before somewhat succumbing to smoke inhalation (seen as she limply carried down the fireman’s ladder, and screams when people are murdered and when she nearly plunges to her death from the Golden Gate bridge.
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In short, I really liked AVTAK and that might come to topple LTK—making it easier to defend my choice. ?

One Bond To Rule Them All

Just got through all three Peter Jackson/James Bond LOTR extended editions with the kids (again). And don’t I have lots of time on my hands?

I say PJ/James Bond because the New Line trilogy, of course, features Sean Bean of GoldenEye as Boromir, Christopher Lee (Saruman) of The Man With The Golden Gunfame and John Rhys-Davies (Gimli, Treebeard) of The Living Daylights. One can imagine the possibilities of a crossover sequel:

“Now pay attention, Frodo. Here’s an innovation I’m particularly proud of. A mithril suit of armor, which can stand any impact up to a class-four grenade, and behind the shirt, stinger missiles…”

The option to buy ed drugs online is literally a boon sildenafil online india in disguise. Don’t Ignore ED Diabetes and heart condition can become expensive for treating and even deadly when they are left unchecked. Men with history of rectal or prostate surgeries often generic cialis online http://appalachianmagazine.com/2017/12/07/the-blue-people-of-the-appalachian-mountains/ experience weak erections, as the important arteries and nerves are affected. Some of the things include elastomer insert, swivelling bellows and rotating head. “Ba-rooooooooom. Don’t be hasty, young Master Bond. One thing we ents understand is the destruction of the Earth, root and tree alike, takes a loooooong time.”

“Oh darling, I’m tempted. But spending my immortal life and the power of the Evenstar as one of Aragorn’s passing fancies, just isn’t my scene.”

Many of you fans when choosing a favorite Bond crossover actors’ epic prefer the Star Wars films. There is no greater icon, therefore, beyond Christopher Lee as Count Dooku, Saruman and Francisco “Pistols” Scaramanga in one powerful package. Which crossover films do you like best and why?

Gaming With Bond

Call me strange, but friends and I have made a game in the past, working to inject James Bond quotes into everyday conversation.

For example, it’s always nice upon termination at work or a denial of a raise to tell the boss, eyebrow raised, “We all get our jollies one way or another.”

And why serve just coffee when one’s guest might arrive at “…A propitious moment, coincident with their country’s one indisputable contribution to Western civilization, afternoon tea…”

And I certainly would never tell my date, “I set the timers for six minutes. The same six minutes that you gave me. What does that mean? We have three minutes.”

Try the following quotes if you dare in polite conversation, or contribute your own favorites (and can you name the films these hail from?):

“You can’t shoot me! I have a very low threshold of death. My doctor says I can’t have bullets enter my body at any time.”

“You wanna put that in English for those of us who don’t speak Spy?”

“Oh, don’t be an idiot, 007. I know exactly what you’re up to, and quite frankly, you’re going to need my help.”

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“I think you made your point. Thank you for the demonstration.”

“I just remembered. It’s against Service policy to give endorsements.”

“Both hands on the wheel, Mr. Jones, I’m a very nervous passenger.”

“Ours is the loneliest profession, Mr. Bond.”

“You seem to have this nasty habit of surviving.”

“You burned me, and now you want my help?”

“Would you settle for a tulip?”

Like A Bullet to the Brain

Another game friends and I enjoy (yes, they are not imaginary Bond friends) is “Best Bullet Award”.

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Dr. Mortner, Meet Dr. Stein

I saw Expelled last night, and other than being an extraordinary, powerful film, I was incessantly bothered each time one of Ben Stein’s interviewees cropped up.

One of the leaders of Seattle’s Discover Institute for Intelligent Design research looks as photographed remarkably like Willoughby Gray as “Hans Glaub” (Dr. Carl Mortner) in AVTAK.
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Good way to get a Bond fix while waiting for QOS and Devil May Care.

Do You Expect Matt To Blog?

My name’s Sherman… Matt Sherman, just returned from Stations D and PC (Stations Work Deadlines and PC Data Crash), I am enthusiastic about blogging to kill at the Ultimate James Bond Fan Blog.

Her Majesty has allowed me to release scant details not privy to the Official Secrets Act…

Hobbies: Running annual James Bond fan conventions

Height: 6? 2? (see Dalton, Moore)

Sex: Let’s finish the job first, darling…

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Weight: Why should I?

Faves: Dalton, Connery; Craig if he doesn’t destroy Q.O.S. this November

Movies: Dr. No – Casino Royale ’06… and you know the rest

It’s enough for now, suffice it to say I believe we’re doing wonderful things for fans via this blog. ‘Ta for now.

Timeless/Not Timeless

TIMELESS — “Space Race” Episode 107 — Pictured: (l-r) Goran Visnjic as Garcia Flynn, Caitlin Carver as Maria — (Photo by: Sergei Bachlakov/NBC)
Most every Bond film has elements inside that date it, although a strong point of the films is their timelessness in general–they’re always enjoyable to watch.

For example, TLD’s reference to the Mujahideen definitely echos in a not-always-positive vein the Afghanistan of today and dates the film squarely in the 80’s. The popular in-joke on a lifesaving cigarette similarly dates YOLT in the 60’s.
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Which films to you are the most and least timeless in nature and why?

The Strange Link Between Goldfinger and TWINE

I had to post some articles at one of my sites and why not Bond?

I’m featuring the common thread between Goldfinger and The World Is Not Enough at:

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…and check out those photos of Connery and the Gomez kids (Hunter appeared at Bond Collectors’ Weekend 10 in L.A.) with Pierce

Now This Is Bloody Interesting

http://www.thebondband.co.uk/main/about.htm

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Senses of Bond Say Craig Is Bond’s Son

Jeffrey Bunzendahl (WILSON CHANCE auteur) and Robert Dassanowsky (CASINO ROYALE ’67 and general Bond film expert) jointly posted a fascinating article on Daniel Craig as Bond’s son.

Professor D. is from a famous theatre family. Among his mother Elfi von Dassanowsky’s many achievements including founding a Vienna movie studio at the tender age of 22, she tutored Curt Jurgens (THE SPY WHO LOVED ME) in piano!
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SpyWise

www.SpyWise.net is packed with all sorts of insider interviews that would make great Bond fodder for discussions here at the Since, the tablet has copied out its working process and compound respectively but not the flavors and its type. When these tissues are distended with blood, your penis becomes erect effortlessly. And the next minute he’s gone. But before having tadalafil 100mg any dosage from the above defined amounts you should consult your physician. UJBFB including the latest interviews on Lazenby and Get Smart…

My pal, Dr. Wesley Britton, is the secret agent mastermind behind the site, amazing as he is 100% blind.

Birthday, Happy Birthday

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Devil May Care Review (No Spoilers)

Bond is back and this time, Sebastian Faulks has him. And what’s more, Fleming would have approved of this turn!

The Penguin British edition has lovely endpapers if a blasé dustjacket, no chapter page at all, but it’s honestly what’s inside the book that makes or breaks it…

Imagine, reading the opening of Devil May Care, Sebastian Faulks’ enviable (and yet, somehow, unenviable) assignment—to write AS Ian Fleming and bring Bond back somewhere between 007’s GOLDEN GUN mission and the events of COLONEL SUN. One could get fast annoyed with Faulks’ overuse of French idioms—Fleming smattered some foreign terms into his books but didn’t deluge the reader (pun intended). Soon, however, Bond enters the picture, and the picture grows brighter fast for us addicts of the genre.

The world is all as it should be—40-plus years before today. M is a crusty salt and Bond can bloody well wait for him to light his pipe, women’s lib hasn’t quite yet been invented and the CIA will do anything, anything at all, to win in Vietnam. Bond and the people of his Faulksian world are highly xenophobic, snobbish, sadistic and sexual.

Faulks’ pastiche is a veritable mélange of decapitations, dislocated shoulders and gruesome deaths—I have a strong stomach but was revulsed by some of his passages—and yet, of course, this edginess on the reader’s part is part and parcel of the Fleming effect.

The action takes place in four widely different countries, Faulks answers all the “what ifs” of bringing Bond back in the 2000’s—to back in the 1960’s—from getting 007 in shape for his mission with a little tennis (Tennish? I thought we were playing at half-pasht nine?) to drinking the right kinds of cocktails in the right cities to handling the inevitable endit romance.
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This is more Fleming’s Bond than EON’s, a near humorless athlete challenged to the limits of physical and mental endurance, pitted against intelligent yet villainous slime, God save the Queen. There are also numerous continuity references, more than have ever been placed into a continuation novel. Interesting.

There is more action than I can remember in any of Gardner’s or Benson’s books or even Mr. Fleming’s. The novel feels like a Bond film with a big ending long before even bigger endings are attached. Bond and Co., including some very welcome old friends, also get into so many dust-ups that it’s a wonder any of them survive.

Although Faulks gets more confident in his handling of the material as the book progress, he comes remarkably close in the last half of the book to reading just like Ian Fleming. There were moments, even entire pages, where I could have been reading Fleming’s 007. A remarkable effort.

All in all, a fine read, and although I would have chosen some different paths for our man (Opium smuggling? I was relived when the Dr. Gorner chap finally tried to properly blow up half the world…). I would be quite pleased to see Sebastian Faulks pen a few more Bond novels going forward.

Read the bloody book so we can properly discuss it, already.

Quantum of Attractiveness

Quantum of Solace will be the headline title for a collection of Fleming’s Bond short stories from For Your Eyes Only and Octopussy & The Living In addition, herbal products to build muscle mass can be used for effective result. Do not take tadalafil buy try over here this medicine more than once per day. This disease is very painful and irritating because when suffering from this disease a person is unable to achieve orgasm. 7. Any problem with regard to premature ejaculation, erectile dysfunction consult online sexologists at Erectile dysfunction is commonly defined as an inability to have intercourse with the female partner. Daylights. Such news is old, however, a very attractive new edition is forthcoming.

Designed to match the excellent Penguin American softcovers of recent years, the new edition looks to be a winner. Order yours now!

Crazy Crossovers

With heightened hype on the Fleming Centenary, QOS and now, the forthcoming Peter Jackson-produced Hobbit it’s time for (drum roll, please) more crazy crossovers…

“Now pay attention, Gandalf! First, your new car, Shadowfax. Comes when you whistle “God Save The Queen”, goes 0 to 100 to Mordor in 15 seconds, and of course, 9 beverage cup holders for the 9 black riders…”

This one may seem crazy but no more so than Lucas and Speilberg’s Bond-imitative “Raiders” series…

“Now hear this, Goldfinger. Throw me the idol, and I’ll give you the whip…”
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“James, where have you been? M has a big bee in his bonnet…

…Would you believe, chased by Auca Indians and a giant ball in their temple?”

And your crazy crossover is… ?

Craig Leaves A Tip

Daniel Craig this week cut a fingertip during an exciting action scene for the upcoming Quantum of Solace. Without any spoilers, let’s just say Craig and Co. were hanging around during this scene.

Meanwhile, Craig has many injuries to go if he wants to catch up to the Brozza. Pierce Brosnan was injured a record four times as 007, once on each set of his four Bond films. Can you name the four injuries he received, how they occured, and which accidents left him permanently scarred?

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Update: Craig was hurt in each of his four films to date!

Fun Foreign Books

Here is a compilation of some fun, foreign 007 titles:


Bengalese


Brazilian Portuguese Dr. No


Catalan


Chinese High Time to Kill


Colombian On Her Majesty’s Secret Service


Croatian Moonraker


Czech Carte Blanche


Danish Dr. No


Dutch The Spy Who Loved Me in Fleming set


Estonian Live and Let Die


Finnish


French High Time to Kill


German


Hebrew On Her Majesty’s Secret Service

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Hungarian You Only Live Twice


Cleverly designed as a skull when inverted, also


Icelandic


Indonesian


Italian Icebreaker


Japanese


Korean piracy editions


Norwegian Thunderball


Polish


Russian


Spanish Goldfinger


Swedish For Your Eyes Only


Thai piracy edition (Moonraker cover art)


Turkish The Spy Who Loved Me


Ukrainian

Summer of 1,000 Movies

I have serious reservations about Quantum of Solace at the box office this fall? Why? Because I have serious reservations for theater tickets to spend dollars at the movies all summer!

I’ve been fortunate to see Prince Caspian (better than I expected, I must say), Iron Man, the new Indiana Jones, 21 and other flicks recently. And my wallet is burning a hole for the upcoming or already out:

OSS 117: Cairo, Nest of Spies (French Bond spoof now in limited release)
Get Smart (Would you believe?)
Star Wars: The Clone Wars
Hulk
Dark Knight
Speed Racer
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My question: Will 007’s moviegoers be too broke for the gas to get to the theater by October/November, let alone the tickets?

What movies are you waiting for, and which flicks do you think could overtake QOS in box office (after each film has had a several month run)? Crystal Skull looks like it still has some good momentum…

EON or Spielberg/Lucas? I know I hope Bond will whip Indy this time round (pun intended).

Buy Daniel Craig’s Tuxedo — Wear It!

A fundraising gala for Britain’s National Film and Television School on June 17 features Daniel Craig’s Casino Royale tuxedo–it’s fitted (!)–and a proof of the first Harry Potter novel signed by author JK Rowling and more.

Celebrities expected to attend the auction include Hugh “Almost Bond Before He Blew It” Grant, Stephen “Should Be A Darn Funny Villain” Fry, Rowan “Did You See Me In NSNA?” Atkinson and more.

The question is, what would you most likely do with Craig’s tux?

1) Wear it!

2) Closet it!

3) Be buried in it!

Breaking News – Vic Flick’s New Autobiography

Vic Flick, Guitarman
From James Bond to the Beatles and Beyond

…is due in stores this August from BearManor Media. The UJBFB is pleased to be the first to report the exciting news!

Get excited about this title–one of the more provocative and perky Bond offerings of recent days–from the master musician of 007’s Signature Theme himself!

Vic Flick is a wonderful fellow, with a heart of gold and a guitarist’s silver-picking fingers. Besides work on many of Bond’s biggest hits (and a long-lost collaboration on a Bond theme update with Eric Clapton), Vic has strummed and composed beside a Who’s Who of the music world for decades.
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You may pre-order Vic Flick, Guitarman now and be the first fans to receive the collectible first printing.

We will be posting here at UJBFB exclusive book details in the days leading up to the book’s release, including our book preview and review, fan memories and more, so watch this space for updates.

Vic’s James Bond NOW, smashing updates of Bond tunes plus original 007-inspired works, is available now for purchase or download at Amazon. You might also enjoy Vic’s backing for the James Bond Collection Box Set of recent years.

For more on Vic’s inspiring career, visit his official website. Meanwhile, be among the first to pre-order the book today! Enjoy…

Bond Puzzle Secreted: Or Is It?

My new book is out today at Amazon, Amazon.co.uk and other fine outlets. Although it is on a subject touching Bond incidentally, as pool and billiards are exclusively seen in Goldfinger and The World Is Not Enough, nevertheless, I saw fit to hide inside the Picture Yourself Shooting Pool book and DVD a 007-themed puzzle, which Bond fans may solve to win prizes. Call it a “labor of love…”

I am offering sets of Bond prizes to anyone able to read the puzzle printed below and solve the cryptic 007 mystery.

“PERHAPS IF I HAD BEEN ABLE TO READ THIS BOOK before my untimely “accident” in Diamonds Are Forever, I would not have drowned in the pool…

Pun intended…”

– Lana Wood
Plenty O’Toole in Diamonds Are Forever

…While I’m sure you’ll like page 147 of Picture Yourself Shooting Pool, “Diamonds Are Forever” or page 61, “Now Pay Attention, 007”, answer me this, “Who Captured James Bond?”

Chapter 16: The Harder They Fall
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James Bond cleared his throat before lighting his first gold-tipped Morland of the afternoon. 007 mused over his options as his smoke drifted lazily toward the ceiling of his hotel room. Blofeld had a high opinion of himself, too high, if you asked Bond.

How was Blofeld building his game? How on earth was he maintaining his personal round table of villainy this time?

It all came down to the century of money, the 1900’s. Green was its color, and it was an effective winding sheet, too. From that time, it was a simple matter of counting correspondence going forward. Sixty (or four times fifteen) gave the score, thought Bond.

Later on, (just a mere page later in our narrative) Bond knew that finding Bob Meucci could yield much the same information. This time it was five steps forward of fifteen missives each from Meucci to the skilled ones.

Another page passed and Bond was willing to pay lots of money for one tip. But 007 discovered nearby that what you’re used to playing with could also lead you to form a false opinion.

In that false opinion, taken from the top, Bond counted letters, four down, three down, three down, five up, one up to know who he was dealing with. His capture was imminent.

WHO CAPTURED JAMES BOND?

More Details On Flick Autobio

From BearManor Media’s official release:

This book is by a musician who worked in every major recording and television studio in London during that wonderful musical period of the 1960s and 1970s.

One of the first call session guitarists in the UK, Vic Flick has a bounty of true stories. Stories of the drama and humor, the tensions and the rewards of working with first class musicians and internationally known artists in the world of recording, Television and Radio.
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Vic Flick’s connection with the James Bond films is legend. His guitar sound on the James Bond Theme stirred the hearts and imaginations of a generation. Here is a book that tells of the music business from the inside, about the music, the good and the bad business practices, the money, the agents and the managers.

From the Beatles to Nancy Sinatra, from Tom Jones to Dusty Springfield, it’s all within the pages of Vic’s autobiography. —Order your copy today.

Interesting DAF – TND Connection

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Since Hughes, personal friend of Bond producer Cubby Broccoli, was the inspiration for Diamonds Are Forever’s uber-baron Willard Whyte, we thus have a fascinating link between the two films… and so it goes.

Swim Like Bond

Oh, man. Don’t you want Daniel Craig’s trunks?

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“Gloria”, Bond and All

Gloria Hendry’s new autobiography, Gloria, several years in the making, is on sale this week.

Fellow Bond alum and bestselling author, Lana Wood of Diamonds Are Forever, comments:

“Gloria (my dear friend) has written a heartbreaking, courageous book. I laughed and cried and was proud to call her a friend with bravery and honesty in excess! It is a true example of overcoming odds. I welcome her as a fellow author.”
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The book contains insights from Gloria’s groundbreaking career as actor, entertainer, advocate and civic leader. Of course, Live and Let Die and the perils and pleasures of Bond are discussed at length.

The new book is available now from Xlibris. Enjoy, fans!